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  • Stupidity Goes Up To Eleven

    | Montreal, QC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Musical Mayhem

    Customer: “Hi, I would like two tickets for [show].”

    Me: “Actually, it is [other ticket office] selling the shows in that venue.”

    Customer: “So, do you have their phone number?”

    Me: “Sure thing, it’s ###-###-1111.”

    Customer: “Liar! You’re giving me a fake number because you don’t want me to buy tickets from your competitors!”

    Me: “No, ma’am. I assure you, that really is their phone number. They don’t sell the same shows as we do, so we don’t mind if you do business with them. I give that number out many times a day.”

    Customer: “That’s impossible! My phone’s dial pad stops at 9! So how can a phone number end with 11-11? You’re lying to me!”

    Don’t Call Us, We Won’t Call You

    | New York, USA |

    Me: “Ticketing services, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “I have an issue. It keeps telling me that for delivery, for the tickets ‘will call’.”

    Me: “Yes, that is an option for the tickets.”

    Customer: “Yes, but will you call me, do I call you? How long do I have to wait?”

    Me: “Oh! No, no…’will call’ means we hold the ticket at the box office and you pick it up at the show.”

    Customer: “Why didn’t you just say that?!”

    Pray There’s No Back Door

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Funny Names, Health & Body

    Customer: *referring to the recital hall* “Excuse me, can you direct me to your Rectal Hall?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “The Rectal Hall. I need to get into your Rectal Hall. Where is your Rectal Hall?”

    Me: “I sincerely doubt you want the answer to that question.”

    Was Gonna Say Stupid, But She Already Called It

    | Charlotte, NC, USA |

    Caller: *sighs* “Well, I’m glad somebody decided to answer the phone over there. I’ve been trying to get through to you all day, but all I get is a busy signal!”

    Me: “Ma’am, the phone has barely rung here all day. Are you sure you were calling the right number?”

    Caller: “What? Of COURSE I was! I was calling the number on this here invoice you all sent me last week.”

    Me: “I see. Do you mind reading the phone number to me?”

    Caller: “It’s 704-366…oh. Now wait a minute. That’s MY number. Well, no wonder I kept getting a busy signal. I’ve been calling myself all day long!”

    When All Else Fails, Rephrase

    | Las Vegas, NV, USA |

    (I’m selling tickets to a show of the High School Musical Tour.)

    Customer: “I already have tickets; I just need meet and greet passes for my two girls.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, you have to get those from the PR people in the show.”

    Customer: “I only need two, though.”

    Me: “I understand, but we do not physically have any meet and greet passes here. You can only get them from the show.”

    Customer: *snooty* “I’m from Summerlin, though.”

    (Summerlin is an upscale, high class part of Las Vegas.)

    Me: “Let me talk to my manager.”

    (I walk to the back, count to ten and come back out.)

    Me: “My manager said if you go into the show and talk to the PR people, they should have some for you.”

    Customer: “Thank you!”