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  • November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

    The Emperors New Clothes

    , | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Crazy Requests

    (I am the manager. I am only a few years older than the student who is working at the window, but today I decide to dress in more ‘manager-like clothes’ than my usual jeans and oversized t-shirt, while the student (who is on his third shift) is wearing gym clothes. A fancy-looking couple come to the window.)

    Student: “How can I help you today?”

    Woman: “We want tickets to all the dance performances this season, and we’d like to sit in the mezzanine. That’s the only place you can REALLY see the dancing.”

    (We have had tickets on sale for several months, so all of the mezzanine is sold, as are most of the best seats.)

    Student: “I’m afraid those seats are unavailable, but I can show you on this chart what we do have?”

    Man: *leaning toward the window* “I don’t think you understand. We want to be able to SEE the dancing. Do you understand?”

    Woman: “What do you have in these rows? This row should have a very good vantage point for us to really see the dancers.” *she points to rows that are no longer available*

    Student: “I’m afraid those seats are sold, but these ones I’m showing you will have an excellent view, I can assure you…”

    (The couple are beginning to get frustrated, and the student worker is not able to get a word in. I decide to go to the window.)

    Me: “Hi, I’m one of the managers. Can I help you?”

    Woman: “He won’t sell us mezzanine seats! How are we supposed to see the dancers?”

    Me: *toward the computer screen and pretending to scrutinize* “Oh, yes, I see the problem. If it were me, I would want these seats.”

    (I point to the exact same seats the student has picked, just on the House Left instead of House Right.)

    Me: “That way, you’ll get a full empty aisle view and fewer heads in the way. Plenty of room to see the dancers!”

    Woman: “Thank you!”

    (They ordered “those seats the lady said were good” for the rest of the dance shows. I told the student later that he could have me do that same thing any time as long as he checked that I was wearing nice clothes!)

    Stupidity Goes Up To Eleven

    | Montreal, QC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Musical Mayhem

    Customer: “Hi, I would like two tickets for [show].”

    Me: “Actually, it is [other ticket office] selling the shows in that venue.”

    Customer: “So, do you have their phone number?”

    Me: “Sure thing, it’s ###-###-1111.”

    Customer: “Liar! You’re giving me a fake number because you don’t want me to buy tickets from your competitors!”

    Me: “No, ma’am. I assure you, that really is their phone number. They don’t sell the same shows as we do, so we don’t mind if you do business with them. I give that number out many times a day.”

    Customer: “That’s impossible! My phone’s dial pad stops at 9! So how can a phone number end with 11-11? You’re lying to me!”

    Don’t Call Us, We Won’t Call You

    | New York, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Ticketing services, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “I have an issue. It keeps telling me that for delivery, for the tickets ‘will call’.”

    Me: “Yes, that is an option for the tickets.”

    Customer: “Yes, but will you call me, do I call you? How long do I have to wait?”

    Me: “Oh! No, no…’will call’ means we hold the ticket at the box office and you pick it up at the show.”

    Customer: “Why didn’t you just say that?!”

    Pray There’s No Back Door

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Funny Names, Health & Body, Uncategorized

    Customer: *referring to the recital hall* “Excuse me, can you direct me to your Rectal Hall?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “The Rectal Hall. I need to get into your Rectal Hall. Where is your Rectal Hall?”

    Me: “I sincerely doubt you want the answer to that question.”

    Was Gonna Say Stupid, But She Already Called It

    | Charlotte, NC, USA | Uncategorized

    Caller: *sighs* “Well, I’m glad somebody decided to answer the phone over there. I’ve been trying to get through to you all day, but all I get is a busy signal!”

    Me: “Ma’am, the phone has barely rung here all day. Are you sure you were calling the right number?”

    Caller: “What? Of COURSE I was! I was calling the number on this here invoice you all sent me last week.”

    Me: “I see. Do you mind reading the phone number to me?”

    Caller: “It’s 704-366…oh. Now wait a minute. That’s MY number. Well, no wonder I kept getting a busy signal. I’ve been calling myself all day long!”

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