Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Your Connection Is Totally Forked
    (1,967 thumbs up)
  • November Theme Of The Month: I Don't Work Here!
    Submit your story today!

    Retort Against Those Who Extort

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Awesome Workers, Bad Behavior, Home Improvement, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (My mother is in her 70s, and is shopping at a thrift store when she spots a beautiful bamboo bookcase.)

    Clerk: “Hi. Do you need some help?”

    Mom: “I am interested in the shelf, but have to go home first and do some measuring.”

    Clerk: “No problem; I’ll make sure it’s still here when you get back.”

    (After getting home, measuring, and seeing it will fit, she calls me to ask if I can go with her to pick it up if it was still there. We get to the store, where she walks over to the bookshelf and shows me. About a second later, a customer immediately walks up to us.)

    Customer: “I’m actually buying this shelf… but how much would you be willing to give me NOT to buy this?”

    (My mom and I looked at each other in disbelief, and before I can even think of what to say to this idiot, the clerk from earlier immediately steps in:)

    Clerk: “Sorry, sir. This lady was here earlier and was going to buy it, but she had to run home and take measurements first.”.

    Customer: “Well, that’s not fair. I was just ready to buy this!”

    Clerk: “Sorry. She gets first pick.”

    Mom: *looking at the customer with a big grin* “And I decided I’ll take it.”

    Clerk: *with an even bigger grin* “Let me go ahead and ring you up, and you also get a senior discount!”

    (We spent the next few minutes cashing out while the customer just stood there and stared at us the whole time, and then stood out in the parking lot and kept staring at us (with a butt-hurt look) while I loaded it on the car, pausing here and there to give him a big ‘f*** you’ grin. Thank you, awesome clerk, for putting that a**-hole in his place for trying to extort money from the elderly!)

    Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 6

    | MO, USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Religion

    (I’m not a thin woman, but never considered myself to be HUGE. I have polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) and it makes it very hard to get my weight to go down, so I’m kind of touchy about it.)

    Customer #1: “Aw, when are you due?”

    Me: “I’m sorry. Were you just talking to me?”

    Customer #1: “Yes, when is your baby due?”

    Me: *quietly, so as not to embarrass either of us any further* “I’m not pregnant, miss; I’m just a little large.”

    Customer #1: *quite loudly* “What! That’s not a little large. You’re huge! You look like you could pop at any second!”

    Me: “Um, well, I’m sorry, but I’m not pregnant, and I’d appreciate it if you’d keep your comments to yourself.”

    Customer #1: “It is my duty by God to inform you that you are living an unhealthy lifestyle and gluttony will lead you straight to Hell. What do you weigh? 500lbs!?”

    Me: *now on the verge of tears, as EVERY customer is looking at us* “Ma’am, please keep your voice down. First off, no, I weigh 220lbs. I lead a very active lifestyle. I have a disease that makes it hard for me to lose weight. Please, you’re embarrassing me.”

    (Another customer, who has witnessed the conversation, approaches.)

    Customer #2: “Miss, you need to stop. I can clearly see your upsetting her.”

    Customer #1: “NO! She must learn the dangers of her ways. It’s not too late for her to repent and change. You get down on your knees right now and beg God for forgiveness and you’ll be saved.”

    (At this, she actually pulls a bible from her bag and starts waving it at me.)

    Me: “Ma’am, please just buy your items. You’re upsetting me. Please.”

    Customer #2: “Ma’am, I’m going to call the police if you do not stop this.”

    (I am now crying as the customer is reading furiously from one random passage of the bible almost screaming. She notices I have a bowl of candy on the table next to the register. She picks it up and flings it.)

    Customer #1: “You see! It’s these that cause that! Gluttony! You’ll burn if you don’t repent!”

    Me: “Those are for children! I don’t even like suckers!”

    Customer #2: *tries to take her by the arm and lead her from the store she smacks him in the head with her bible*

    Manager: *comes running from in the back* “What in the world is going on here!?”

    Customer #1: “You allow sinful, gluttonous employees here! She must repent or she’ll burn in Hell! It is my duty to make her see the evil of her ways!”

    (The customer now goes to the door and opens it and starts screaming this outside at everyone who walks by.)

    Manager: “Ma’am, I’ve called the police. You need to leave right now. You’ve upset my employee and injured a customer.”

    Customer #1: “He’s assisting the devil! He’ll burn with the harlot! You’ll all burn!”

    (She rants like this for 10 more minutes before the police arrive and arrest her. The man she hit with the bible had to have dental work done on his front teeth. She was charged with disturbing the peace, harassment, resisting arrest, and assault. She was sentenced to 90 days in jail and a $2,000 fine. My boss gave me a week off with pay.)

    Related:
    Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 5
    Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 4
    Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 3
    Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 2
    Cause For Pregnant Pause

    Time Waits For No Chinaman

    | TX, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Math & Science, Time

    (An older customer approaches my cash register.)

    Customer: “Did you know that all the reality TV shows you watch today are 35 years old?”

    (I look up to see if he was joking as some people with odd senses of humor come in my store. He isn’t.)

    Customer: “Yeah! Five years ago I created a virus that turned all the TV transponder clocks back 50 years to 2008. At my old house, I received a TV station from China that was all in English and they said that the year was 2100. If you believe that the year is actually 2014 you are sadly mistaken.”

    (I am still speechless. I don’t know if I should mention the inconsistencies in the time that it actually is or is not, so I just ring up his purchases. After the customer leaves, the next customer approaches.)

    Next Customer: “It is kind of a scary thought that that man is allowed to operate a motor vehicle!”

    Me: “Yeah. I figured I shouldn’t tell him that I have actually lived in China and we pretty much agree on what year it is.”

    (The man’s purchases: two Neil Diamond cassette tapes easily over 30 years old. Maybe he was stocking up for the next time he releases the virus again!)

    Given Short Shrift At The Thrift

    | Portland, OR, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

    (I am shopping at a thrift store. A customer barges up to me with a dress in her hand and waves it in my face.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, do you work here?”

    Me: “No… sorry.”

    Customer: “You LOOK like you work here. I can’t find this dress in a small.”

    Me: “…yeah, that’s the problem with these thrift stores. Not always the right sizes.”

    Customer: “Where can I find it in a small?”

    Me: “I don’t know. You may have to pick another dress.”

    (The customer stares at me a minute, suspiciously, as I’m going through a rack.)

    Customer: “Where are the size-eight shoes?”

    Me: “I don’t know. Normally they’re over there, but they just rearranged everything so I don’t know. You’ll have to ask someone who works here.”

    Customer: “I need shoes to match this dress in a size eight!”

    Me: “Good luck!”

    Customer: “You are NO HELP AT ALL!”

    (The customer flings the dress at me and storms over to the shoes. She starts scattering them all over, and demanding to the room in general that she needs a size eight. One of the poor employees ended up getting stuck with pampering her the entire time I was there.)

    No Ram-ifications

    | ID, USA | Liars & Scammers, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in the back of the thrift store, where everything is sorted and tested. A Hispanic family comes in the front of the store, carrying three very old laptops.)

    Customer: “We bought these laptops from here, and would like to exchange them from something else.”

    Manager #1: “I’ll take these back to the electronics guys, and make sure they work.”

    (He takes them back to the guys, and relays the story. While I don’t work at the electronics testing station, my area is right next to it, so I can see clearly what they are testing. They sometimes call me over because I have a strong technical background.)

    Tester: “I don’t ever remember seeing these laptops.”

    Me: “Neither do I!”

    Manager #1: “Hey, wait a minute. There is no sticker residue! Nor is there rubbing of where they should have been! Also, they didn’t come in with a receipt. Something’s fishy here.”

    (While they have me quickly test the laptops, Manager #1 gets Manager #2, who is fluent in Spanish, but Caucasian.)

    Manager #1: *in Spanish* “Hello! So, were you trying to exchange the laptops?”

    Customer: *flustered* “Did I say ‘exchange?’ I meant ‘donate!’”

    Manager #2: “Well, I’m glad we could sort out the miscommunication!”

    (Two of the laptops don’t boot up because they don’t even have a hard drive. The one that does boot has a very small amount of RAM. The kicker? Even if, by some fluke, we had sold those laptops, they would have been thoroughly tested, and all three would have been sold as ‘for parts,’ meaning that the customer wouldn’t have been able to afford even one working laptop!)

    Page 1/212