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  • Watch Out For The Pansysaurus

    | Florida, USA | Extra Stupid

    (Our park has a dinosaur-themed section. I am helping a family with directions in a nearby area.)

    Customer: “What is there to do in [dino-area]?”

    Me: “Well, there are carnival games, a playground for the kids, and there’s the dinosaur ride.”

    Customer: “What’s that?”

    Me: “It’s a bumpy jeep ride through the dark with dinosaurs attacking you—”

    Customer: *in horror*Real dinosaurs?”

    Customer’s sister: “Think about what you just said, girl. Dinosaurs are extinct!”

    (The original customer is looking at me for confirmation, still horrified.)

    Me: “No, we don’t have any real dinosaurs.” *joking* “We tried to get some but it didn’t work out. The ones in the ride are robotic.”

    Customer: “But do they, like, climb into the cars and attack you?”

    Me: *dumbfounded*

    (The sister and the rest of the family are doubled over laughing.)

    Me: “No! You’re perfectly safe in the car.”

    Customer: “I don’t think I want to try that ride!”

    One Foto In The Grave

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Family & Kids

    (I am working the photo center of a thrill ride, where people can look at and buy the photo taken of them in their ride car. An older couple comes up and orders their picture.)

    Older lady: “I don’t need a bag. My kids and grandkids are right over there.” *points to a corner of the store*

    Me: “Sure thing. Here’s your printed picture. How does it look?”

    Older lady: *taking the photo* “That’s great! They’re gonna love it when we’re dead!” *walks off*

    The Sweet Smell Of Savings

    , | Chino, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel

    (A customer comes to my window and I help him get his entry and equipment rentals. I also give him a coupon for his next visit.)

    Me: “Here is a coupon for $5 off your next visit.”

    (The customer starts to scratch the coupon.)

    Customer: “What’s it do?”

    Me: “Sir, it’s not scratch and sniff. It gets you $5 off you next visit.”

    (He scratches the coupon with more force, then smells it.)

    Customer: “I don’t smell anything. What’s it do?”

    Me: “It’s a $5 off coupon for your next visit.”

    (The customer scratches the coupon some more.)

    Customer: “Ugh! I don’t understand. I scratch it and it doesn’t smell like anything. What does it do?!”

    Me: “The next time you come back, you bring this with you and you save $5 on your entry.”

    Customer: “Oh, so it doesn’t smell like anything?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “And I save $5 on my next visit?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Oh, I’m from out of state, so, no thank you!”

    Misery Demands Company

    | San Antonio, TX, USA |

    (I work at a food stand that only sells a few things. It’s early on a weekday and few people want to buy what I sell before dinnertime. There is a latin music show going on in the open-air theater across from me, and since I’ve already cleaned everything that can be cleaned and I am rather bored, I’m dancing to the music a bit. An old man walks up to my counter.)

    Me: *stops dancing* “Hi, what can I get you sir?”

    Customer: “You look like you’re having fun, young lady.”

    Me: “It’s pretty slow today, so we try to keep ourselves entertained. What would you like today?”

    Customer: “You’re not allowed to have fun when you work at a place like this. I would know. I worked at a place like this once.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, sir. Can I get you anything?”

    Customer: “No, just don’t have too much fun!”

    I Am The Robot, Goo Goo G’joob

    | Vallejo, CA, USA |

    (I work in the walrus exhibit at the park answering questions about the animals. One of our four walruses has metal caps on her teeth because she scrapes them on the ground constantly.)

    Guest: “Hey, I have a question about the walrus with the metal teeth.”

    Me: “Ah, yes. That is an interesting story! See, she–”

    Guest: “So, why is that walrus a robot?”

    Me: “Sorry, what? A robot?”

    Guest: “Yeah, that’s the only one with metal teeth. You can tell it is a robot. Why would you put a robot walrus in with the real ones? Or are they all robots?”

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