November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Canada: America’s Hat, Part 6

| Canada | Crazy Requests, Tourists/Travel

Guest: “Excuse me?”

Ride Operator: “Yes, sir?”

Guest: “Where’s the VIP line of this ride?”

Ride Operator: *confused* “VIP line for what, sir?”

Guest: “For us, the Americans. Where’s the VIP line for the Americans?”

Ride Operator: “We don’t have a VIP line sir for Americans… or anyone.”

Guest: *huffs* “Well, you should!”

Canada: America’s Hat, Part 5
Canada: America’s Hat, Part 4
Canada: America’s Hat, Part 3
Canada: America’s Hat, Part 2
Canada: America’s Hat

Must Be This Smart To Ride

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Family & Kids

(A theme park guest and her son want to board a ride. I check the boy’s height to make sure he can ride it, but sadly he is about four inches too short.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Your son isn’t tall enough to ride.”

Guest: “What do you mean? Your sign says he can ride with a responsible person.”

Me: “The sign also says he must be a certain height to ride.”

Guest: “No, it doesn’t. Fix your sign now!”

(I take the guest and her son out to the entrance of the attraction, and show her word for word the ride requirements.)

Guest: “Well, this is outrageous!”

Guest’s Little Boy: “Gosh mom, can’t you read? Do you want me to die?!”

Guest: *storms off angrily*

Guest’s Little Boy: *to me, while being led away* “Have a good day! Bye!”

Can’t Hide That You Lied About The Ride

| MN, USA | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers

Me: “Sorry, can I double check your son’s height? I just want to make sure he’s tall enough.”

Guest: “Ugh, all right! [Son], stand against the sign.” *to me* “He’s been on this one before. He loves it! It’s his favorite ride.”

(The guest’s son is just tall enough to ride, so I let them in. I run the ride, but notice that her son is noticeably frightened. As they get off the ride, I decide to question the guest.)

Me: “Is it still his favorite ride?”

Guest: “What?! No! He’s never been on this one before!”

Biting Off More Than He Can Chew

| Cincinnati, OH, USA | Liars & Scammers, Pets & Animals, Top

(I work at a dinosaur trail, where people can walk through the forest and look at robotic dinosaurs. On this particular day, a guest with one arm comes onto the trail. About half an hour later, he comes back out.)

Me: “So, did you enjoy the trail?”

Guest: “I got my arm bit off.”

Coworker: *without skipping a beat* “I’m sorry, sir. We don’t give refunds.”

Bigotry Loves Company

| Sandusky, OH, USA | Bigotry, Family & Kids, Rude & Risque, Top

(Note: I am gay, but I seem to be an ‘under the radar’ one; no one ever guesses it, but I don’t hide it, either. I also have a boyfriend, and we plan on getting engaged soon. I’m working as a lifeguard on the lazy river late in the evening. I lean in and do a corner check to scan for small children. I see a mother and her daughter in very revealing clothing pass by on a two-person tube.)

Mother: *to me* “Don’t be looking at my daughter’s boobs! She’s a Christian girl!”

Daughter: *blushes, embarrassed*

Me: “Ma’am, I can promise I do not care about her boobs and was merely doing my job.”

Mother: “Yeah, right! You mean staring at all the young girls like a perv! Only reason young men work here!”

Me: “No, ma’am, I’m here working to save for me and my soon to be fiancé.”

Daughter: “Mom, just let—”

Mother: “Yeah, a fiancée! Too bad you’re cheating on her by staring at ALL this!” *gestures to herself*

(I point to my necklace with a promise ring I got from my boyfriend on Valentine’s day.)

Me: “Ma’am, I have a betrothed, and both Jay and I would be very surprised if I cheated or stared at a woman.”

Mother and Daughter: *jaws drop* “You’re a f**!”

Me: “I prefer homosexual, but yes, if you prefer.”

(At this point they are reaching a turn in the river. The mother creates a cross with her fingers, and kicks her feet to get away. This river section horseshoes back, so I see them 10 seconds later.)

Mother: “YOU’RE GOING TO H***, YOU F**!”

Me: “Only if I’m working to guard your lava pit, my dear!”