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  • Must Be This Smart To Ride

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Family & Kids

    (A theme park guest and her son want to board a ride. I check the boy’s height to make sure he can ride it, but sadly he is about four inches too short.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Your son isn’t tall enough to ride.”

    Guest: “What do you mean? Your sign says he can ride with a responsible person.”

    Me: “The sign also says he must be a certain height to ride.”

    Guest: “No, it doesn’t. Fix your sign now!”

    (I take the guest and her son out to the entrance of the attraction, and show her word for word the ride requirements.)

    Guest: “Well, this is outrageous!”

    Guest’s Little Boy: “Gosh mom, can’t you read? Do you want me to die?!”

    Guest: *storms off angrily*

    Guest’s Little Boy: *to me, while being led away* “Have a good day! Bye!”

    Can’t Hide That You Lied About The Ride

    | MN, USA | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers

    Me: “Sorry, can I double check your son’s height? I just want to make sure he’s tall enough.”

    Guest: “Ugh, all right! [Son], stand against the sign.” *to me* “He’s been on this one before. He loves it! It’s his favorite ride.”

    (The guest’s son is just tall enough to ride, so I let them in. I run the ride, but notice that her son is noticeably frightened. As they get off the ride, I decide to question the guest.)

    Me: “Is it still his favorite ride?”

    Guest: “What?! No! He’s never been on this one before!”

    Biting Off More Than He Can Chew

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Liars & Scammers, Pets & Animals, Top

    (I work at a dinosaur trail, where people can walk through the forest and look at robotic dinosaurs. On this particular day, a guest with one arm comes onto the trail. About half an hour later, he comes back out.)

    Me: “So, did you enjoy the trail?”

    Guest: “I got my arm bit off.”

    Coworker: *without skipping a beat* “I’m sorry, sir. We don’t give refunds.”

    Bigotry Loves Company

    | Sandusky, OH, USA | Bigotry, Family & Kids, Rude & Risque, Top

    (Note: I am gay, but I seem to be an ‘under the radar’ one; no one ever guesses it, but I don’t hide it, either. I also have a boyfriend, and we plan on getting engaged soon. I’m working as a lifeguard on the lazy river late in the evening. I lean in and do a corner check to scan for small children. I see a mother and her daughter in very revealing clothing pass by on a two-person tube.)

    Mother: *to me* “Don’t be looking at my daughter’s boobs! She’s a Christian girl!”

    Daughter: *blushes, embarrassed*

    Me: “Ma’am, I can promise I do not care about her boobs and was merely doing my job.”

    Mother: “Yeah, right! You mean staring at all the young girls like a perv! Only reason young men work here!”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I’m here working to save for me and my soon to be fiancé.”

    Daughter: “Mom, just let—”

    Mother: “Yeah, a fiancée! Too bad you’re cheating on her by staring at ALL this!” *gestures to herself*

    (I point to my necklace with a promise ring I got from my boyfriend on Valentine’s day.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I have a betrothed, and both Jay and I would be very surprised if I cheated or stared at a woman.”

    Mother and Daughter: *jaws drop* “You’re a f**!”

    Me: “I prefer homosexual, but yes, if you prefer.”

    (At this point they are reaching a turn in the river. The mother creates a cross with her fingers, and kicks her feet to get away. This river section horseshoes back, so I see them 10 seconds later.)

    Mother: “YOU’RE GOING TO H***, YOU F**!”

    Me: “Only if I’m working to guard your lava pit, my dear!”

    Your Argument Doesn’t Hold Water, Part 2

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Family & Kids, Top

    (I work in the gift shop of one of the most popular rides in the park. This ride has a height requirement as part of its safety regulations. It’s a water ride, not a roller coaster, so there is some wiggle room. NOTE: Merchandise/Gift Shops and Ride Operations are two completely separate areas; Merchandise people have no way to influence how Operations people do their stuff, and vice versa. A guest comes in and starts complaining to me about the height-checker.)

    Guest: “Hey, so that guy at the ride entrance won’t let my kids on. He said they were too short. We have annual passes and they’ve ridden this ride dozens of times. You need to fix this.”

    Me: “I am very sorry, ma’am, but unfortunately Merchandise can not influence Ride Operations. Sometimes, if they wear thicker shoes and look taller they get let on, so maybe that was what got your kids on before.”

    (She has actually been pretty calm up until this point. Mad, but calm. Not anymore…)

    Guest: “This is BULLS***! It’s because my kids are mixed, right? He let these two little white girls on, and they were shorter than my boys!”

    Me: *stunned* “Um, I don’t know anything about that, ma’am. I can get my supervisor for you if you’d like?”

    Guest: “Yes, please do that! Maybe s*** will get done in this place!”

    (I quickly run to the back of the store and find my supervisor.)

    Me: “Hey, uh… you need to come out here.”

    Supervisor: “What’s wrong?”

    Me: “There’s this lady complaining the height-checker won’t let her kids on the ride, and she says she thinks its because her kids are mixed.”

    Supervisor: “Okay, I’ll see if I can deal with what’s going on. Good job.”

    (My supervisor heads out to deal with the guest, and I follow.)

    Supervisor: “Hello, ma’am, I am the supervisor for this store. How can I help you?”

    Guest: “Yeah! That racist dumba** at the front of the ride won’t let my kids on! He say’s they’re too short, but he let these little white girls and they were shorter than my kids!”

    Supervisor: “Okay, ma’am… unfortunately, Merchandise doesn’t have any say in how Ride Operations works. What I can do is try to get a hold of the manager for the ride, and then we can work this out with the employee in question. Is that alright?”

    Guest: “Fine, I guess. I’ll take that bastard to court if I have to!”

    Supervisor: “Hopefully it won’t come to that. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I will be right back with the ride manager.”

    (My supervisor leaves to go find the ride’s manager. He’s gone for about ten minutes before these two boys come running up, soaking wet, and start yelling excitedly at the guest. An African-American guy also shows up, also soaking wet. They have obviously just just gotten off the ride. From what they’re saying to each other, it’s clear this is her family.)

    Guest: “What the h***? Why are you all so wet?”

    Guest’s Husband: “We got splashed by the cannons at the end of the ride.”

    Guest: “What?! That racist bastard at the front wouldn’t let the boys get on! Said they were too short! But he let those white girls on, and they were shorter!”

    Guest’s Son: “No, mom, he said we were too little to go on alone. Since you didn’t want to go with us, we went and found dad by the roller coaster.”

    (By now, my supervisor has returned with the ride manager.)

    Ride Manager: “Hello, ma’am, I am the manager of this ride. I heard that you were having a problem with one of my employees. Can you elaborate?”

    Guest: *turns bright red, stays completely silent, and leaves with her family*

    Related:
    Your Argument Doesn’t Hold Water

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