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    Bigotry Loves Company

    | Sandusky, OH, USA | Bigotry, Family & Kids, Rude & Risque, Top

    (Note: I am gay, but I seem to be an ‘under the radar’ one; no one ever guesses it, but I don’t hide it, either. I also have a boyfriend, and we plan on getting engaged soon. I’m working as a lifeguard on the lazy river late in the evening. I lean in and do a corner check to scan for small children. I see a mother and her daughter in very revealing clothing pass by on a two-person tube.)

    Mother: *to me* “Don’t be looking at my daughter’s boobs! She’s a Christian girl!”

    Daughter: *blushes, embarrassed*

    Me: “Ma’am, I can promise I do not care about her boobs and was merely doing my job.”

    Mother: “Yeah, right! You mean staring at all the young girls like a perv! Only reason young men work here!”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I’m here working to save for me and my soon to be fiancé.”

    Daughter: “Mom, just let—”

    Mother: “Yeah, a fiancée! Too bad you’re cheating on her by staring at ALL this!” *gestures to herself*

    (I point to my necklace with a promise ring I got from my boyfriend on Valentine’s day.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I have a betrothed, and both Jay and I would be very surprised if I cheated or stared at a woman.”

    Mother and Daughter: *jaws drop* “You’re a f**!”

    Me: “I prefer homosexual, but yes, if you prefer.”

    (At this point they are reaching a turn in the river. The mother creates a cross with her fingers, and kicks her feet to get away. This river section horseshoes back, so I see them 10 seconds later.)

    Mother: “YOU’RE GOING TO H***, YOU F**!”

    Me: “Only if I’m working to guard your lava pit, my dear!”

    Your Argument Doesn’t Hold Water, Part 2

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Family & Kids, Top

    (I work in the gift shop of one of the most popular rides in the park. This ride has a height requirement as part of its safety regulations. It’s a water ride, not a roller coaster, so there is some wiggle room. NOTE: Merchandise/Gift Shops and Ride Operations are two completely separate areas; Merchandise people have no way to influence how Operations people do their stuff, and vice versa. A guest comes in and starts complaining to me about the height-checker.)

    Guest: “Hey, so that guy at the ride entrance won’t let my kids on. He said they were too short. We have annual passes and they’ve ridden this ride dozens of times. You need to fix this.”

    Me: “I am very sorry, ma’am, but unfortunately Merchandise can not influence Ride Operations. Sometimes, if they wear thicker shoes and look taller they get let on, so maybe that was what got your kids on before.”

    (She has actually been pretty calm up until this point. Mad, but calm. Not anymore…)

    Guest: “This is BULLS***! It’s because my kids are mixed, right? He let these two little white girls on, and they were shorter than my boys!”

    Me: *stunned* “Um, I don’t know anything about that, ma’am. I can get my supervisor for you if you’d like?”

    Guest: “Yes, please do that! Maybe s*** will get done in this place!”

    (I quickly run to the back of the store and find my supervisor.)

    Me: “Hey, uh… you need to come out here.”

    Supervisor: “What’s wrong?”

    Me: “There’s this lady complaining the height-checker won’t let her kids on the ride, and she says she thinks its because her kids are mixed.”

    Supervisor: “Okay, I’ll see if I can deal with what’s going on. Good job.”

    (My supervisor heads out to deal with the guest, and I follow.)

    Supervisor: “Hello, ma’am, I am the supervisor for this store. How can I help you?”

    Guest: “Yeah! That racist dumba** at the front of the ride won’t let my kids on! He say’s they’re too short, but he let these little white girls and they were shorter than my kids!”

    Supervisor: “Okay, ma’am… unfortunately, Merchandise doesn’t have any say in how Ride Operations works. What I can do is try to get a hold of the manager for the ride, and then we can work this out with the employee in question. Is that alright?”

    Guest: “Fine, I guess. I’ll take that bastard to court if I have to!”

    Supervisor: “Hopefully it won’t come to that. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I will be right back with the ride manager.”

    (My supervisor leaves to go find the ride’s manager. He’s gone for about ten minutes before these two boys come running up, soaking wet, and start yelling excitedly at the guest. An African-American guy also shows up, also soaking wet. They have obviously just just gotten off the ride. From what they’re saying to each other, it’s clear this is her family.)

    Guest: “What the h***? Why are you all so wet?”

    Guest’s Husband: “We got splashed by the cannons at the end of the ride.”

    Guest: “What?! That racist bastard at the front wouldn’t let the boys get on! Said they were too short! But he let those white girls on, and they were shorter!”

    Guest’s Son: “No, mom, he said we were too little to go on alone. Since you didn’t want to go with us, we went and found dad by the roller coaster.”

    (By now, my supervisor has returned with the ride manager.)

    Ride Manager: “Hello, ma’am, I am the manager of this ride. I heard that you were having a problem with one of my employees. Can you elaborate?”

    Guest: *turns bright red, stays completely silent, and leaves with her family*

    Related:
    Your Argument Doesn’t Hold Water

    Too Hot To Give A Hoot

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Rude & Risque

    (I work at an amusement park where one of my jobs is to hand out 3D glasses and entertain guests before the show. A guest and his wife come up the queue on a particularly hot day.)

    Me: *handing them glasses* “Here you are! Enjoy the show.”

    Guest: “This is a 3D movie?”

    Me: “Yep.”

    Guest: “And it’s inside?’

    Me: “Yeah, and it’s air conditioned, so it’s definitely worth it.”

    Guest: “What’s it about?”

    Me: “It’s a ten minute movie about dinosaurs.”

    Guest Wife: “I don’t care if y’all got a hooters show in there. If it’s air conditioned, we’re going!”

    Liar, Liar, Hand’s On Fire

    | CA, USA | Health & Body, Liars & Scammers

    (Our theme park has designated smoking areas. I have just rounded a corner and see a guest smoking in a non-designated spot near a children’s play area. She spots me quickly and hides the cigarette in her hand.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but this is a non-smoking area. I can show you to one of our designated smoking areas just a short distance away.”

    Guest: “I wasn’t smoking! That is a very rude accusation to make!”

    (Meanwhile, smoke has been drifting out from between her fingers where she has cupped her hand around the still-lit cigarette.)

    Me: “Then it appears your hand is on fire. I can take you to one of our emergency medical stations. They’re conveniently located next to our designated smoking areas.”

    Guest: *deadpan* “Yes, that’s it. Oh no, my hand! Please show me to medical station!”

    (I lead her towards the medical station. As soon as she sees the smoking area, she peels off without a word and goes there to finish her cigarette.)

    Please, No Free, Unlimited Questions

    | Santa Claus, IN, USA |

    (I’m a cashier at an amusement park that has a special deal involving free unlimited drinks.)

    Customer: “How many free, unlimited soft drinks can I have?”

    Me: *thinking I misheard him* “How many free, unlimited soft drinks can you have?”

    Customer: *nods*

    Me: “Sir, since our soft drinks are both free and unlimited, you can have as many as you want.”

    Customer: *visibly brightens* “Thanks!”


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