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    Age Before Snooty

    | MA, USA |

    (I am dealing with a bratty 15-year-old girl, who’s dissatisfied with her caricature that my coworker drew of her. She’s obnoxiously making a big scene in front of a crowd.)

    Me: “We can have another artist redraw it for you if you’d like.”

    Girl: “Whatever! You are all just jealous because you’re old!”

    Me: “Well, you’ll be our age someday.”

    Girl: “Not if I die young!”

    Me: *placidly* “We can only hope.”

    He Is Twice The Man

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Health & Body, Rude & Risque, Top

    (For the Halloween season, we’re running several horror houses, which aren’t otherwise open throughout the year. Light-up devices aren’t allowed inside any of the houses, and as a queue supervisor, I’ve been warning people of this via a cute spiel I made up.)

    Me: “There are no light-up devices allowed inside. It will make it easier to find you, and you will be eaten alive most violently!”

    (At this point, a guest, who seems to have had both legs amputated and is in a wheelchair, speaks up.)

    Guest: “But I’ve already been half-eaten!”

    Canada: America’s Hat, Part 6

    | Canada | Crazy Requests, Tourists/Travel

    Guest: “Excuse me?”

    Ride Operator: “Yes, sir?”

    Guest: “Where’s the VIP line of this ride?”

    Ride Operator: *confused* “VIP line for what, sir?”

    Guest: “For us, the Americans. Where’s the VIP line for the Americans?”

    Ride Operator: “We don’t have a VIP line sir for Americans… or anyone.”

    Guest: *huffs* “Well, you should!”

    Related:
    Canada: America’s Hat, Part 5
    Canada: America’s Hat, Part 4
    Canada: America’s Hat, Part 3
    Canada: America’s Hat, Part 2
    Canada: America’s Hat

    Must Be This Smart To Ride

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Family & Kids

    (A theme park guest and her son want to board a ride. I check the boy’s height to make sure he can ride it, but sadly he is about four inches too short.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Your son isn’t tall enough to ride.”

    Guest: “What do you mean? Your sign says he can ride with a responsible person.”

    Me: “The sign also says he must be a certain height to ride.”

    Guest: “No, it doesn’t. Fix your sign now!”

    (I take the guest and her son out to the entrance of the attraction, and show her word for word the ride requirements.)

    Guest: “Well, this is outrageous!”

    Guest’s Little Boy: “Gosh mom, can’t you read? Do you want me to die?!”

    Guest: *storms off angrily*

    Guest’s Little Boy: *to me, while being led away* “Have a good day! Bye!”

    Can’t Hide That You Lied About The Ride

    | MN, USA | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers

    Me: “Sorry, can I double check your son’s height? I just want to make sure he’s tall enough.”

    Guest: “Ugh, all right! [Son], stand against the sign.” *to me* “He’s been on this one before. He loves it! It’s his favorite ride.”

    (The guest’s son is just tall enough to ride, so I let them in. I run the ride, but notice that her son is noticeably frightened. As they get off the ride, I decide to question the guest.)

    Me: “Is it still his favorite ride?”

    Guest: “What?! No! He’s never been on this one before!”


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