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    Chunder Mountain

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Health & Body, Wild & Unruly

    (I operate a pretty big roller coaster for a ticket run theme park.)

    Father: *to his 10 year old* “Shall we ride?”

    Son: “We just had lunch.”

    Father: “You’re a chicken. I’ll ride it myself!”

    Me: “Sir, just so you know, this ride is bumpy and has a lot of quick stops. It isn’t very fun on a full stomach.”

    Father: “How would you know? Have you ever tried?”

    Me: “No, but I’ve been doing this job for 3 years now.”

    Father: “Well, I’ll show you, and I’ll sit in the very back.”

    Me: “If you say so; the customer is always right. Have fun!”

    (The father boards the ride, and I keep an eye on him. As I predicted, he isn’t going doing so well and is clutching his stomach throughout the ride. When the ride finally jerks to a stop, the puke flies.)

    Son: “Dad, I told you not to do it!”

    Wales Is A Country Too

    | San Antonio, TX, USA | Language & Words, Pets & Animals

    (The marine park where I work features a show starring beluga whales.)

    Guest: *runs up* “I need to find Belgium stadium!”

    Me: “I would be happy to help… what are you looking for again?”

    Guest: “BELGIUM STADIUM!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t have a Belgium stadium. Belgium is a country in Europe.”

    Guest: “But I need to find Belgium Stadium! The show is about to start!”

    Me: *dawns on me* “Oh, do you mean Beluga Stadium? Like the big white whales?”

    Guest: “What the heck is a beluga? I want to see Belgiums!”

    Me: *gives up* “Right this way, sir…”

    Let There Be Unhappy Feet

    | San Antonio, TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

    (I am working at the penguin exhibit during the summer.)

    Guest: “Hey, why are all the lights off?”

    Me: “The penguins are from the Southern Hemisphere, so it’s winter for them. Therefore, we have the lights off for most of the day in order to simulate the dark Antarctic winter environment.”

    Guest: “Well, I don’t think it’s healthy for them to be in the dark so long. You should release them back to the wild and into the light.”

    Me: “Ma’am, like I said, it is dark in Antarctica right now too. If we released them there, they would still be in the dark.”

    Guest: “Whatever… it’s just not healthy! They need to see the light!” *pauses* “You forgot to pay your electric bill, didn’t you?”

    Me: “What? No! Of course we pay our electric bills. All the lights are on in the park! However, in order to keep our penguins happy, we have to keep it dark in the summer.”

    Guest: “Don’t lie! I can’t believe you are keeping these fish in such drab conditions! Next time, pay your electric bill!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Best Just To Let It Slide

    | UK | Extra Stupid

    (I work on the rides at a small theme park. We swap round every so often because you’d go mad working in the same place all day. To reach the top of the water slide, we have to go up the same way the customers do. Ideally, customers should queue either side of the ramp, one queue for each of the two types of slides as indicated by the signs, then we’d walk up the space in the middle. It’s not always that easy, though.)

    Me: “Excuse me, please.”

    (As I walk up the space in the middle, most customers move to the side when they turn and see I’m in uniform. One woman, however, appears to ignore me.)

    Me: “Sorry, excuse me please.”

    Customer: “There’s a queue.”

    Me: “Yes, I know; I work here. Sorry about the wait. It shouldn’t take long from here. If I could just squeeze past?”

    Customer: “No! You can wait like everyone else. So rude. Trying to push in!” *begins ranting*

    (The customer’s husband turns around to see what his wife is ranting about and starts laughing.)

    Customer’s Husband: “Hun, let her past.”

    Customer: “What? No way!”

    Customer’s Husband: “Well, we’re not going to get very far if you don’t. She’s the one that’s operating the ride.”

    Customer: *turns around, goes bright red, and steps out of my way*

    (I laugh and thank her husband before carrying on. She looked quite embarrassed to see me operating the water slide by the time it got to her go!)

    They Crossed The Line

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Awesome Customers, Top

    (A group of girls is cutting people in a long line for a roller coaster. They try and cut the guy behind me.)

    Guy Behind Me: “Woah, hold up!”

    Group Of Girls: “Excuse me!”

    Guy Behind Me: “I’m not letting you cut me!”

    (Everyone in line who has been cut starts to side with the guy behind me. The girls start screaming when out of nowhere, a security guard appears.)

    Security Guard: *to one of the girls* “Ma’am, please come with us.”

    (The security guard escorts the group of girls out of the line.)

    Guy Behind Me: “Na na na na, na na na na!”

    Everyone In Line: “Hey hey hey, Goodbye!”

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