November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

A New Dimension Of Stupidity, Part 5

| England, UK | Extra Stupid, Movies & TV

(I work at a theme park. I have to greet guests, and provide them with 3D glasses as they queue for the ride.)

Guest: “Excuse me, what do I do with these?”

Me: “You put them on when you enter the ride.”

Guest: “Put them on where?”

Me: “…on your face.”

Guest: “Oh! I thought maybe they went on my arm!”

A New Dimension Of Stupidity, Part 4
A New Dimension Of Stupidity, Part 3
A New Dimension Of Stupidity, Part 2
Get A Life
A New Dimension Of Stupidity

Taking Stupidity To New Heights, Part 3

| Orlando, FL, USA | Family & Kids, Top, Tourists/Travel

(I work on the ride with the highest height requirement in the park. I am the ‘grouper’—basically I assign the guests to where they sit for the ride, and I am the final say on whether children are tall enough.)

Me: “Hi buddy, could you come stand on this yellow square for me? Nice and tall like a soldier.”

(The child is clearly too short.)

Me: “I’m so sorry, but he is too short to ride.”

Mother: “Please let him ride! All of his other friends have ridden this.”

Me: “I’m sorry; he is too short to ride.”

Mother: “Please, I promise he’s not scared; he won’t cry on the ride.”

Me: “Ma’am, the height stick doesn’t measure courage; it measures height. Your son is too short; I’m sorry.”

Mother: “But he wants to go so badly; he’s been asking all day.”

Me: “Ma’am, your son could come flying out because he’s too short.”

Mother: “OH MY GOD, REALLY?!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. The height requirement is a safety issue. That’s why we take it so seriously.”

Mother: “Oh, I just thought you were mean!”

Taking Stupidity To New Heights, Part 2
Taking Stupidity To New Heights

No Upside-Down But My Head Is Still Spinning

| Orlando, FL, USA | Tourists/Travel

(I work at a special effects show, which is experienced in the form of a walking tour. Our park maps don’t even begin to explain this, and our attraction isn’t a staple of the park, so most people have no idea what we are.)

Guest #1: “What is this?”

Me: “We’re a special effects show, experienced in the form of a walking, guided tour.”

Guest #1: “But what is it?”

Me: “It’s a show, like a stage show, only you’re walking through different rooms and it’s happening around you.”

Guest #1: “So, what is it?”

Me: “It’s… it’s a show. You’re walking through the building here, and each room is a different scene you experience. Your tour guide is performing around you.”

Guest #1’s Husband: *approaching* “What’s this?”

Guest #1: “I don’t know!”

(Another guest approaches.)

Guest #2: “Is this a roller coaster?”

Me: “I’m afraid not. We’re a special effects show, only you walk through in the form of a tour.”

Guest #2: “Oh, walking? So does it go upside-down?”

Me: “…no. It’s all walking.”

Guest #2: “So what’s that?”

(The guest points to a nearby themed restaurant, which looks like a mountain on the outside.)

Me: “That’s a restaurant.”

Guest #2: “Does it go upside-down?”

Me: “…No.”

It’s A Strange World After All

| Orlando, FL, USA | History, Tourists/Travel

(I work at Walt Disney World.)

Me: “Hello, sir, how can I help you?”

Guest: “Yeah, is Walt Disney going to be in the afternoon parade?”

(After a short silence, I realize he’s not kidding.)

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry but… Walt Disney died in 1966.”

Guest: “What!? Then is his brother in the parade?”

Me: “No, sir, his brother is dead, too.”

Guest: “Then one of his sons?”

Me: “Walt didn’t have any sons, sir.”

Guest: “Well then, who’s head of the company?”

Me: “Bob Iger, sir.”

Guest: “…then why isn’t it called Bob Iger World?”

Desperately Needs Change In His Life

| USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Money

(I work at an amusement park. They are very strict about the money, and I am the head cashier. It’s about 100 degrees out, and there’s a long line of about 100 people waiting to place an order. A customer rudely cuts everyone in line, and starts talking to me.)

Rude Customer: “Hey bud, can you give me four quarters for a dollar?”

Customer In Line: “Hey, I was in line!”

Rude Customer: “Relax, I’ll only be a second.”

(The customer ignores the rest of the customers complaints.)

Me: “No, sir. I’m sorry; we’re not allowed to open the register.”

Rude Customer: “Aw, come on man! I just need four quarters.”

Me: “Well, if you want change, you can go to the customer service desk at the front of the park.”

Rude Customer: “Are you f****** serious!? It’s 100 f****** degrees outside; I am not going to the other side of the d*** park, you a**-wipe!”

Customer In Line: “Dude, no need to be a jack-a**. Plus, you cut in line anyways.”

Rude Customer: “Mind your own business you old lady. Dude, seriously, give me my f****** change for a dollar!”

(My manager overhears.)

Manager: “What seems to be the problem here?”

Rude Customer: “I need change for this f****** dollar, and your stupid-a** cashier won’t do it.”

Manager: “I’m sorry, sir. We’re not allowed to make change for a dollar. You need to go to the front of the park and go to customer service. They’ll do i—”

Rude Customer: “I was already f****** told that! And I already said, I am not walking all the f****** way over there!”

Customer In Line #2: “Dude, shut the f*** up already! We’re waiting in line for food, and clearly you’re not getting your change!”

Rude Customer: “Mind your own d*** business! I need it ’cause my girlfriend is on her f****** period!”

Customer In Line #3: “Here’s a stupid quarter you a**-wipe!”

(Customer In Line #3 proceeds to throw quarters at the customer who cut in line. The customer then proceeds to pick up the quarters. My manager bends over the counter and looks down at the man.)

Manager: “You have 10 minutes to get your girlfriend her tampon, and out of my park, before I call security!”

(The customers in line start clapping as he runs away, with no girlfriend in sight!)