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    Desperately Needs Change In His Life

    | USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Money

    (I work at an amusement park. They are very strict about the money, and I am the head cashier. It’s about 100 degrees out, and there’s a long line of about 100 people waiting to place an order. A customer rudely cuts everyone in line, and starts talking to me.)

    Rude Customer: “Hey bud, can you give me four quarters for a dollar?”

    Customer In Line: “Hey, I was in line!”

    Rude Customer: “Relax, I’ll only be a second.”

    (The customer ignores the rest of the customers complaints.)

    Me: “No, sir. I’m sorry; we’re not allowed to open the register.”

    Rude Customer: “Aw, come on man! I just need four quarters.”

    Me: “Well, if you want change, you can go to the customer service desk at the front of the park.”

    Rude Customer: “Are you f****** serious!? It’s 100 f****** degrees outside; I am not going to the other side of the d*** park, you a**-wipe!”

    Customer In Line: “Dude, no need to be a jack-a**. Plus, you cut in line anyways.”

    Rude Customer: “Mind your own business you old lady. Dude, seriously, give me my f****** change for a dollar!”

    (My manager overhears.)

    Manager: “What seems to be the problem here?”

    Rude Customer: “I need change for this f****** dollar, and your stupid-a** cashier won’t do it.”

    Manager: “I’m sorry, sir. We’re not allowed to make change for a dollar. You need to go to the front of the park and go to customer service. They’ll do i—”

    Rude Customer: “I was already f****** told that! And I already said, I am not walking all the f****** way over there!”

    Customer In Line #2: “Dude, shut the f*** up already! We’re waiting in line for food, and clearly you’re not getting your change!”

    Rude Customer: “Mind your own d*** business! I need it ’cause my girlfriend is on her f****** period!”

    Customer In Line #3: “Here’s a stupid quarter you a**-wipe!”

    (Customer In Line #3 proceeds to throw quarters at the customer who cut in line. The customer then proceeds to pick up the quarters. My manager bends over the counter and looks down at the man.)

    Manager: “You have 10 minutes to get your girlfriend her tampon, and out of my park, before I call security!”

    (The customers in line start clapping as he runs away, with no girlfriend in sight!)

    Say Adios To Racism

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Bigotry, Family & Kids, Top, Tourists/Travel

    (I work in the guest services department of a major theme park. A Hispanic twenty-something mother and her young son approach the desk.)

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, how can I help you?”

    Mother: “Hello, I… no find… boy… hat.”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Mother: “I no… look…”

    (I switch to Spanish, which I can speak fairly well after four years studying it in high school.)

    Me: *in Spanish* “Do you speak Spanish?”

    Mother: “Oh, yes! Thank you so much! While my son and I were riding the roller coaster, he lost his hat and we came to see if you could send anyone to find it.”

    Me: “I’m afraid we can’t send anyone to look under the roller coaster until after the park closes, but we can give you a gift certificate to buy a new hat for him at the shop.”

    Mother: “That would be excellent! Thank you!”

    (A burly-looking man, who is waiting for a park representative in the seating area, stands up and shouts at me.)

    Man: “Hey! What the h*** do you think you’re doin’, boy?!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Man: “You talkin’ that [racial slur] language? The h***’s wrong with you? You just encouragin’ them—” *points at the mother and son* “—to come over here like they own this country!”

    Me: “Well, sir, I speak English and Spanish. This lady seemed to be having trouble with her English, so I thought I’d try Spanish.”

    (He walks over to the counter, and puts his face right in mine.)

    Man: “That’s a bunch of bull-s***! They came to our country, so they gotta learn to talk our language! You just gonna let them win by speakin’ their language?!”

    Me: “Uh… win what?”

    Man: “Man, it’s because of f****** like you that they think they can just come in here and tell us what to do!”

    (He gives the woman a dirty look, and she becomes very frightened. I push the silent security alert button under the counter. Suddenly the little boy moves, and stands in front of his mother.)

    Son: “Quit bein’ mean to my mama, poop head!”

    Man: “You gonna make me, you little [racial slur]?”

    Son:They will!”

    (He points out the glass door, as two security officers approach.)

    Security Guard #1: “I’m going to have to ask you to come with us, sir.”

    Man: “For what?! Defending America?!”

    Security Guard #2: “For threatening our other guests. If you don’t come peacefully, we will restrain you.”

    (The man grits his teeth, and seems to be considering fighting the guards, but after a moment he gives up and goes with them.)

    Me: “Adios!”

    Man: “F*** you, f**!”

    (I turn to the mother and son, and start speaking to them in Spanish again.)

    Me: “I’m sorry about that man, ma’am. He won’t bother you again.”

    Mother: “Thank you! I thought he was going to hit me.”

    Son: “I won’t let him hurt you, mama!”

    Me: “Young man, since you were so brave, I’m going to give you an extra gift certificate, so you can get a cartoon character doll, too.”

    Son: “Wow! You’re so nice, mister!”

    Caught On Con-did Camera

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Awesome Customers, Liars & Scammers, Wild & Unruly

    (I am working as a ride attendant for a theme park roller coaster.)

    Me: *over the intercom* “Once the gates have opened completely, you may make your way to the farthest available seat. Please make sure to secure all personal belongings and fasten your seat belt securely.”

    (Two men approach me from the loading gates, one of whom is in a wheelchair.)

    Disabled Guest: “Hey, buddy. You think you could help my friend get me into the seat there?”

    Me: “Uh, sure, I could do that.”

    (His friend wheels him over to the end of a row of seats and puts the brake on his chair.)

    Me: “What do you need me to do?”

    Friend: “You get his feet, I’ll get him from the back.”

    Disabled Guest: “Thanks again.”

    (The disabled guest raises his arms and his friend grabs him around the chest while I lift his feet off the ground and we sidle over to the train car. Suddenly the disabled guest twists his upper body violently and his friend drops him on his rear end.)

    Disabled Guest: “OH, GOD!”

    Friend: “What the f*** did you just do?!”"

    Me: *terrified* “What?”

    Disabled Guest: “F***, s***, f***! I think my back is busted!”

    Friend: *pointing at me, looking all around* “You all saw him! He dropped my buddy on purpose! That’s first-degree assault!”

    Me: “But I didn’t do anything!”

    Disabled Guest: *still pretending to be in pain* “Somebody call an ambulance! Somebody call a lawyer! Call the cops!”

    Friend: *stomping over to stand one inch from me* “You think just ’cause my buddy’s in a wheelchair you can do whatever you f****** want to him? We’re gonna sue the s*** out of your f****** a**!”

    (He shoves me with both hands, but then the guy in the end seat in the row behind the one we were trying to sit the disabled man in yells at them and points his camera phone at them.)

    Camera Guy: “Hey! You leave him alone! I saw what you did! You tried to set him up! He didn’t drop your friend, you did!”

    (The disabledguest, still lying on the ground, abruptly stops yelling in pain.)

    Friend: “F*** you, f**! You can’t prove anything!”

    Camera Guy: “Oh yeah? I got the whole thing on video!” *he waves his phone at them*

    Friend: “Give me that f****** phone!”

    (The disabled guest’s friend lunges for the phone but the other man quickly hands it to his wife two seats over. The friend hits his head on the side of the train car and his extended hand scratches the camera man’s neck.)

    Disabled Guest: “[Friend's name], get the f****** phone, you retard!”

    (The charade begins to fall apart as his friend staggers and clutches his head, which is now bleeding.)

    Friend: *staggering and clutching his head, which is now bleeding* “F*** you!”

    Camera Guy: “Somebody call security! These guys are con artists! I got it all on tape!”

    (I dash around the disabled guest, having to jump as he tries to grab me by the legs, and run back to the intercom.)

    Me: “Security to [roller coaster] loading platform, emergency!”

    (Three security guards armed with night sticks and mace show up only a few seconds later and have to drag the disabled man’s friend away as he was trading kicks with the camera guy and the camera guy’s wife. The camera couple and the two men are both taken to the nearest emergency station, and security makes me go with them. A park official shows up about half an hour later to take statements from everyone involved separately. After I give my statement, I wait alone in a waiting room for some time before a park doctor comes in and tells me the camera couple wants to talk to me. I’m led into their room.)

    Camera Guy: “Hey, I wanted you to know I saw everything that happened. If that guy tries any legal s*** against you, I’ll be a witness.”

    Me: “That would be great of you. I just… I don’t know what’s going on.”

    Camera Guy’s Wife: “This place is full of cheaters and liars; that’s what’s going on.”

    Camera Guy: “D*** right, honey.”

    (The park official walks in again.)

    Camera Guy: “You don’t believe that jacka**’s story, do you?” *points to me* “This guy didn’t do anything wrong. I caught it all on video with my phone if you need proof.”

    Park Official: “That won’t be necessary, sir. We have security cameras all over the park. We saw what those men did.”

    (The two men were banned from the park and the able-bodied one was charged with assault on the camera guy and his wife, who were given a refund on their admission, four additional one-day tickets, vouchers for free meals at any restaurant in the park, and two huge stuffed animals for their kids, all free.)

    Please Keep All Cybernetics Inside The Ride At All Times

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I work as an attendant for a theme park roller coaster. We have had an incident where a guest’s $10,000, custom-made prosthetic leg fell off while he was riding the coaster and landed in the moat below. Thanks to that, the park changed their policy to not allow anyone to bring a prosthetic limb onto any ride; now they must be stored in lockers with other personal belongings.)

    Me: “How many in your party, sir?”

    Guest: “Two.”

    Me: “Row three, please. Right this way.”

    Guest: “Hold on.”

    (He bends over, unsnaps something, pulls his leg out of his jeans, straightens up and hands it to me.)

    Me: “Uh…”

    Guest: “Could you hold onto this while I ride?”

    Me: *unable to take my eyes off the prosthetic being offered* “I, uh… I’m sorry, sir. You’ll have to store that in the lockers out front.”

    Guest: “You mean I have to go through the whole line again?”

    Me: *visibly shivering* “You, um, I mean, I can give you a pass to let you back into the leg -I mean- front of the line.”

    Guest: “Well, that sure is a pain.”

    (He starts hobbling around to put his leg back on, when new guests start coming down the queue. At the front of the line is a little boy, maybe 6 or 7 years old, and his mother.)

    Little Boy: *wide-eyed and pointing at the one-legged man* “Look, mommy! That man’s a robot!”

    Mother: “You’re making that man feel bad. You apologize to him!”

    Little Boy: *suddenly terrified* “Is he gonna shoot me with his lasers?”

    Guest: *in a silly computer-like voice* “DON’T WORRY, YOUNG HUMAN PERSON. I ONLY SHOOT BAD GUYS WITH MY LASERS. BEEP BOOP.”

    Little Boy: “Whoooooaaaaaa!”

    Chunder Mountain

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Health & Body, Wild & Unruly

    (I operate a pretty big roller coaster for a ticket run theme park.)

    Father: *to his 10 year old* “Shall we ride?”

    Son: “We just had lunch.”

    Father: “You’re a chicken. I’ll ride it myself!”

    Me: “Sir, just so you know, this ride is bumpy and has a lot of quick stops. It isn’t very fun on a full stomach.”

    Father: “How would you know? Have you ever tried?”

    Me: “No, but I’ve been doing this job for 3 years now.”

    Father: “Well, I’ll show you, and I’ll sit in the very back.”

    Me: “If you say so; the customer is always right. Have fun!”

    (The father boards the ride, and I keep an eye on him. As I predicted, he isn’t going doing so well and is clutching his stomach throughout the ride. When the ride finally jerks to a stop, the puke flies.)

    Son: “Dad, I told you not to do it!”


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