Some Stupidity Needs To Be Caught On Montevideo

| Orlando, FL, USA | Geography, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

(At the theme park I work at, our name tags have our hometown on them. Despite the fact that I have lived in Orlando since I was an infant, my name tag says I am from Uruguay, since that is where I was born.)

Guest: “It’s so terrible they make you work here.”

Me: “I actually quite enjoy my job. I like seeing people enjoy their vacations.”

Guest: “Yeah, but what about your vacation?”

Me: “My vacation?”

Guest: “They shouldn’t ruin your vacation by making you work.”

Me: “No, I think you misunderstand. I work here. I live in the area, and I go to school down the road. The park isn’t my vacation; it’s my job, and I enjoy it.”

Guest: “Oh, honey., do they tell you to lie? You’re from Uruguay; it would be stupid to commute all this way for a job.”

The Song Broke Loose And Then Vamoose And Now You Know The Plot

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Geeks Rule, Movies & TV, Musical Mayhem, Theme Of The Month, Top

(I am working in the largest gift shop in the theme park. I am walking around straightening and folding the when I hear a middle-aged guests whistling. After a few moments, I recognize it as the theme tune to ‘The Animaniacs’.)

Me: *singing* “Pinky and the Brain, they want rule the universe…”

Guest: “…Slappy slaps them with her purse…”

Me: “…Buttons chases Mindy while Rita sings a verse!”

Together: “Why write a script? We have no script! Why bother to rehearse? We are the Animaniacs! We have pay-for-play contracts! We are zany to the max, there’s baloney in our slacks! We’re Animany, totally insany—”

Guest: *Wakko voice* “Where’s Lon Chaney?”

Together: “Animaniacs! Those are the facts!”

Guest: *high-fives me* “It was nice jammin’ with you, Dot.”

(I beamed for the rest of the night.)

A New Dimension Of Stupidity, Part 5

| England, UK | Extra Stupid, Movies & TV

(I work at a theme park. I have to greet guests, and provide them with 3D glasses as they queue for the ride.)

Guest: “Excuse me, what do I do with these?”

Me: “You put them on when you enter the ride.”

Guest: “Put them on where?”

Me: “…on your face.”

Guest: “Oh! I thought maybe they went on my arm!”

Related:
A New Dimension Of Stupidity, Part 4
A New Dimension Of Stupidity, Part 3
A New Dimension Of Stupidity, Part 2
Get A Life
A New Dimension Of Stupidity

Taking Stupidity To New Heights, Part 3

| Orlando, FL, USA | Family & Kids, Top, Tourists/Travel

(I work on the ride with the highest height requirement in the park. I am the ‘grouper’—basically I assign the guests to where they sit for the ride, and I am the final say on whether children are tall enough.)

Me: “Hi buddy, could you come stand on this yellow square for me? Nice and tall like a soldier.”

(The child is clearly too short.)

Me: “I’m so sorry, but he is too short to ride.”

Mother: “Please let him ride! All of his other friends have ridden this.”

Me: “I’m sorry; he is too short to ride.”

Mother: “Please, I promise he’s not scared; he won’t cry on the ride.”

Me: “Ma’am, the height stick doesn’t measure courage; it measures height. Your son is too short; I’m sorry.”

Mother: “But he wants to go so badly; he’s been asking all day.”

Me: “Ma’am, your son could come flying out because he’s too short.”

Mother: “OH MY GOD, REALLY?!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. The height requirement is a safety issue. That’s why we take it so seriously.”

Mother: “Oh, I just thought you were mean!”

Related:
Taking Stupidity To New Heights, Part 2
Taking Stupidity To New Heights

No Upside-Down But My Head Is Still Spinning

| Orlando, FL, USA | Tourists/Travel

(I work at a special effects show, which is experienced in the form of a walking tour. Our park maps don’t even begin to explain this, and our attraction isn’t a staple of the park, so most people have no idea what we are.)

Guest #1: “What is this?”

Me: “We’re a special effects show, experienced in the form of a walking, guided tour.”

Guest #1: “But what is it?”

Me: “It’s a show, like a stage show, only you’re walking through different rooms and it’s happening around you.”

Guest #1: “So, what is it?”

Me: “It’s… it’s a show. You’re walking through the building here, and each room is a different scene you experience. Your tour guide is performing around you.”

Guest #1’s Husband: *approaching* “What’s this?”

Guest #1: “I don’t know!”

(Another guest approaches.)

Guest #2: “Is this a roller coaster?”

Me: “I’m afraid not. We’re a special effects show, only you walk through in the form of a tour.”

Guest #2: “Oh, walking? So does it go upside-down?”

Me: “…no. It’s all walking.”

Guest #2: “So what’s that?”

(The guest points to a nearby themed restaurant, which looks like a mountain on the outside.)

Me: “That’s a restaurant.”

Guest #2: “Does it go upside-down?”

Me: “…No.”

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