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  • Lightning Fast Sarcasm

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Geography, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

    (I work at an outdoor log flume attraction in a theme park. We have just closed the line, and are not letting anyone else in due to there being lightning nearby.)

    Guest: “Do you know when the ride will open again? When can I come back?”

    Me: “The best answer I can give you is whenever the storm passes.”

    Guest: “And when will that be?”

    Me: “…ma’am, I don’t know. It’s a storm.”

    Guest: “Well, you live here! You should know how long the storms in Orlando last!”

    Me: “Well, we had a storm yesterday that lasted ten minutes, and one the day before that lasted three hours, so I’d say come back between ten minutes and three hours.”

    Guest: *sarcastically* “Thanks for the help!” *storms off*

    Not Quite The Happiest Place On Earth

    | France | Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

    Guest: “The waiting times are horribly long! There are too many people!”

    Me: “Well this is a famous park; a lot of people want to spend time here with their family.”

    Guest: “Well, you should not let so many people in. Look around: there are so many people.”

    Me: “We have a security maximum that has not been reached yet. I believe you are a visitor too. Would you have liked for you and your family to be stopped at the entrance after miles of travelling because there are a lot of people in?”

    Guest: “Of course not! I paid to come here, and we have wanted to come here for a long time!”

    Me: “Well, so do all these people…”

    Some Stupidity Needs To Be Caught On Montevideo

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Geography, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

    (At the theme park I work at, our name tags have our hometown on them. Despite the fact that I have lived in Orlando since I was an infant, my name tag says I am from Uruguay, since that is where I was born.)

    Guest: “It’s so terrible they make you work here.”

    Me: “I actually quite enjoy my job. I like seeing people enjoy their vacations.”

    Guest: “Yeah, but what about your vacation?”

    Me: “My vacation?”

    Guest: “They shouldn’t ruin your vacation by making you work.”

    Me: “No, I think you misunderstand. I work here. I live in the area, and I go to school down the road. The park isn’t my vacation; it’s my job, and I enjoy it.”

    Guest: “Oh, honey., do they tell you to lie? You’re from Uruguay; it would be stupid to commute all this way for a job.”

    The Song Broke Loose And Then Vamoose And Now You Know The Plot

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Geeks Rule, Movies & TV, Musical Mayhem, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (I am working in the largest gift shop in the theme park. I am walking around straightening and folding the when I hear a middle-aged guests whistling. After a few moments, I recognize it as the theme tune to ‘The Animaniacs’.)

    Me: *singing* “Pinky and the Brain, they want rule the universe…”

    Guest: “…Slappy slaps them with her purse…”

    Me: “…Buttons chases Mindy while Rita sings a verse!”

    Together: “Why write a script? We have no script! Why bother to rehearse? We are the Animaniacs! We have pay-for-play contracts! We are zany to the max, there’s baloney in our slacks! We’re Animany, totally insany—”

    Guest: *Wakko voice* “Where’s Lon Chaney?”

    Together: “Animaniacs! Those are the facts!”

    Guest: *high-fives me* “It was nice jammin’ with you, Dot.”

    (I beamed for the rest of the night.)

    A New Dimension Of Stupidity, Part 5

    | England, UK | Extra Stupid, Movies & TV

    (I work at a theme park. I have to greet guests, and provide them with 3D glasses as they queue for the ride.)

    Guest: “Excuse me, what do I do with these?”

    Me: “You put them on when you enter the ride.”

    Guest: “Put them on where?”

    Me: “…on your face.”

    Guest: “Oh! I thought maybe they went on my arm!”

    Related:
    A New Dimension Of Stupidity, Part 4
    A New Dimension Of Stupidity, Part 3
    A New Dimension Of Stupidity, Part 2
    Get A Life
    A New Dimension Of Stupidity

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