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    No Wonder She Ran Away

    , | London, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids

    (I work in one of the gift shops at a popular UK theme park. One day I notice a little girl, probably no older than eight, wandering around our shop unattended quite late in the day.)

    Me: “Hi sweetie, are you alright there?”

    (The girl just bursts into tears.)

    Girl: “I’ve lost my mummy and daddy!”

    Me: “Okay, okay, well don’t worry; I’ll help you look for them.”

    (I take her over to a stool we’ve been using to stock up and get her sat down. I let my coworker know to inform security so they can issue a park announcement and come take over the situation.)

    Me: “Now, here’s some tissues, and some water. Do you like sweets?”

    Girl: “Yeah. Coke bottles are my favourite.”

    Me: “Me too! Tell you what: you clear up those tears, and we’ll fill up a pick’n'mix bucket for you, okay?”

    (She smiles a bit and nods, and starts blowing her nose. About 10 minutes pass, and the girl has calmed a little bit. I’m told that security are all of a few minutes away, when a couple come into the shop.)

    Mother: “[Girl's Name], there you are! How DARE you run away from us!”

    Girl: “I got stuck behind some people—”

    Father: “Don’t you interrupt your mother, you little cow!”

    Me: “Ah excuse me? I take it you’re this little girl’s parents?”

    (They both look at me with a mix of disgust and shock.)

    Mother: “What’s it to you?”

    Me: “Well, I’m not a parent, but if I’d lost my daughter I wouldn’t be insulting and yelling at her, especially since she’s literally just stopped crying.”

    Father: “You rude little s***! Who do you think you are?!”

    (The father gets a tap on the shoulder by the security team that had just arrived.)

    Security Guy #1: “Well at a guess, I’d say this is the staff member who found your daughter and has been looking after her.”

    (The girl holds up her bucket of cola bottles, squashed down as far as we can get them.)

    Girl: “He let me have all of these sweets!”

    Mother: “We better not have to pay for them!”

    (I just about hold my tongue, but the security guys say what I am thinking.)

    Security Guy #2: “Are you for real? You lose your kid and you’re worried about paying for a bunch of cola bottles?!”

    Security Guy #1: “Tell you what: any complaints or questions you have we’ll sort out at the security office with all the other paper work, and let these guys get back to their jobs.”

    (Just as they leave, the girl gives me a hug and says ‘thank you.’ I don’t know what happened to her, but I hope the parents eventually saw sense as to what’s important in life.)

    This Customer Is Not From Concentrate

    , | UK | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (We have three flavours of slushy in our slushy machine: raspberry, cherry and orange. Raspberry is blue, cherry is pink and orange is obviously orange. Customers usually refer to the slushy they want by the colors.)

    Customer: “What flavour is the orange slushy?”

    Me: “Orange flavoured.”

    Customer: “I know what the color is, I want to know the FLAVOUR.”

    Me: “It’s orange flavoured, ma’am, just like the fruit.”

    (The customer suddenly starts screaming at me.)

    Woman: “WHAT IS THE FLAVOUR! I CAN SEE THE COLOR OF THE D*** THING! WHAT FLAVOUR IS IT?!”

    (The customer’s daughter chimes in.)

    Customer’s Daughter: “Mum! It’s like orange juice! Chill out!”

    Woman: “Orange juice? Jeez, why couldn’t she just tell me that?! Two of those, please!”

    (The customer is perfectly pleasant with me for the rest of the transaction, and wanders off with her slushy happily!)

    One Ring To Scare Them All

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Bizarre

    (I am working in a gift shop full of customers, mostly teenagers on field trips and their chaperones. I notice four boys as they walk in, and I greet them. They do not respond. A few minutes later, I begin adjusting some misplaced personalized rings.)

    Boy #1: *pointing to a ring I am adjusting* “AAAHHH!”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Boy #1: *points again* “AAAAHHHH!”

    Boy #2: “AAAAAAHHHH!”

    Me: “Alright, how may I help you? Is there something I can get for you?”

    All Four Boys: “AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!”

    Me: “Uh, okay…I can call somebody to help you.”

    (The four boys stare at me, then slink away towards the door, almost without a word.)

    Boy #3: “AAAAAHHH!” *all four exit*

    (Several minutes later, all of the customers have left my shop and I begin adjusting the rings and key-chains again. I hear a voice behind me.)

    Boy #4: “Uh, excuse me?”

    Me: *turning around* “Yes?”

    Boy #4: “Yes, I was wondering if you could tell me if—AAAAAHHH!” *bolts from the store*

    Face Value

    | FL, USA | Family & Kids, Money, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

    (The face paint we use at the theme park is water-based, and I have to put it away during one of our seasonal storms. I am currently drying off my station so that I can get back to painting faces.)

    Customer: “Hi, my daughter would like a face paint.”

    Me: “Certainly! Go ahead and pick your paint from the book, and I should be all set up by the time you decide.”

    Customer: “Sounds great!”

    (The customer and her daughter bypass the book and just look at our back wall display instead. The customer sets up all of her stuff right next to our price sign and display, showing the credit cards we accept. I overhear them making their decision.)

    Me: “I’m ready whenever you are! I think I heard somebody wanting a Unicorn Mask?”

    Customer’s Daughter: “Yeah!”

    Customer: “It’s a bit too much…”

    Customer’s Daughter: “But mooooommm!”

    Me: “I can scale it back to a lower-priced version that I think you would both be happy with.”

    Customer: “I think that could work.”

    (I proceed to make the custom face paint, and add all the little touches that they ask for as I go along. When I finish I show, the customer and her daughter are happy with it.)

    Me: “Okay, your total is [total].”

    Customer: “What? You have to pay?!”

    (I point to the credit card and price sign that she’s been standing next to the entire time.)

    Customer: “Geez, no wonder you were so accommodating!”

    (She throws the money at me and storms away in a huff, complaining about having to pay for a face paint.)

    Lightning Fast Sarcasm

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Geography, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

    (I work at an outdoor log flume attraction in a theme park. We have just closed the line, and are not letting anyone else in due to there being lightning nearby.)

    Guest: “Do you know when the ride will open again? When can I come back?”

    Me: “The best answer I can give you is whenever the storm passes.”

    Guest: “And when will that be?”

    Me: “…ma’am, I don’t know. It’s a storm.”

    Guest: “Well, you live here! You should know how long the storms in Orlando last!”

    Me: “Well, we had a storm yesterday that lasted ten minutes, and one the day before that lasted three hours, so I’d say come back between ten minutes and three hours.”

    Guest: *sarcastically* “Thanks for the help!” *storms off*

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