I work in a nineteenth-century-themed park. Due to the uniforms and the period of the park, we get a few odd questions. This particular day, I’m in the broom barn.

Me: “Welcome to the broom barn.”

Customer #1: “Is this where Hogwarts gets their Quidditch brooms?”

Me: “Yes, and there are some right behind you.”

He and his group start laughing.

Customer #2: “Do you get that often?”

Me: “More than once a day.”

(I used to work at an alcohol stand at a popular theme park. Whenever somebody wanted alcohol, I’d need to check their ID even if they were clearly older than 21, then give them a wristband so security would know that they bought it legitimately. 99% of customers totally understand this, and even when they don’t, most are fine with it when I explain it. Now, I speak with an Aussie accent, which is fun for both me and the customers, as they have a good time trying to guess where I’m from. During one shift, a woman who’d already come up came back for more alcohol, but without the wristband I’d given her, with two other people who also want drinks.)

Customer #1: “Hi, I’d like to get another drink.”

Me: “Certainly, can I see your ID again?”

Customer #1: “What? Why? You already saw it!”

Me: “I understand, but it’s the policy.”

Customer #1: “Well, I don’t have my ID. My husband has it.”

“Me: “Then I’m sorry, but I can’t give you your drink.”

Customer #1: “Where are you from?”

Me: “What does it sound like?”

(She shoots off a few guesses like Ireland and England.)

*Me:” “No, none of those.”

Customer #1: “Can I get my drink?”

Me: “I need to see ID.”

Customer #1: “You didn’t ask for it last time!”

Customer #2: “It’s true! I saw that.”

([Customer #2] wasn’t even there the previous time. Eventually she storms off, but not before guessing Ireland and England as my country of origin a few more times. I even sing a few words from a song involving kangaroos, then try the Aussie national anthem, but she still doesn’t get it. A few minutes later, she storms back up with her husband and her two friends again. The husband is glaring at me, but he pulls out a bag of IDs.)

Husband: “One.” *tosses ID* “Two.”

(He repeats the process until there are four IDs in front of me. Having had enough of this nonsense by this point, I pick up the IDs and look at them before tossing them out on the counter, one by one, after checking them. His glare hardens.)

Husband: “Where is your manager?”

(They complained and my manager gave me a talking to for a minute, but I think she knew they were being ridiculous. I served them their drinks without further incident. Even though they kept guessing, including Ireland again, they never figured out where I was from, and kept cutting me off every time I tried to tell them.)

(I work at a popular park where they have daily parades, unless it rains.)

Guest: *frantically runs into the store, child dangling under her arm* “Can I take this?”

Me: “Take…?”

(The guest is now placing her child on the ground while trying to open the disposable camera box she is now holding.)

Guest: “Yeah, Barry Bonds is the grand marshall. My husband loves him… Can I just take this?”

Me: “No… ma’am… you have to pay for it. Then you can take it.”

Guest: *looking at me in disbelief* “What?! It’s Barry Bonds; you know, the baseball player?”

Me: “You need to pay for it no matter who the grand marshall is, ma’am. You pay for it and you can take it anywhere.”

Guest: “This is ridiculous!” *she runs out cursing me; the child runs out after her because she had forgotten him*

(I work as a security officer for a local theme park. Occasionally, the parent company will rent out the park after hours to host private events, usually corporate parties for big companies. When this story takes place, I and the other officers are sweeping out the day guests, and we’ve been instructed to be a little more insistent since catering has to set up for a private event an hour after park close. The tables and lights are already set up as we’re waiting on the last guests to exit a ride, when two teenagers approach me. Keep in mind, all of the event guests will be arriving by bus after park close.)

Guest #1: “Where do we go for the special event?”

Me: “I’m sorry, you’re part of the event?”

Guest #2: “Yeah! Well, uh, his dad is. And he’s getting us in.”

([Guest #1] then puts on his sunglasses (it’s dark) and crosses his arms like some corporate executive.)

Me: *starting to laugh, thinking it’s a joke* “Are you sure?”

([Guest #2] looks from his friend to me, starting to laugh nervously.)

Guest #2: “Yeah, uh, what’s wrong?”

Me: “Uh, maybe you’re here for [Other Event in Other Park]?”

Guest #1: “Oh, is it in [Other Park]?”

Me: “Well, we have a couple of events going on tonight in different locations. What company is your dad with?”

Guest #1: “Uh…” *looks at friend* “…Microsoft?”

Me: *smiling knowingly* “There’s no event for Microsoft.”

Guest #2: “Oh, well, we’ll just find out where to go somewhere else!”

(They both stormed off, [Guest #1] still wearing his sunglasses. By that point the final guests were getting off the ride and my coworkers all had a good laugh about it. I gotta give props to the two of them for sticking with their ruse to the end, though.)

(For a school trip the school band and color guard are at Disneyland, I’m with my friend at one of the stores. I’m very fond of the Duffy I bought when I was younger, which is advertised as Mickey Mouse’s teddy bear. The company started advertising a Shelly-May, advertised as Minnie Mouse’s teddy bear. I tell my friend about this and I’m not very happy.)

Me: “They started making a female Duffy! I think it’s just the same but pink and with eyelashes! Why do they need to make a teddy bear all girly for it to be for girls? Ugh.”

(We turn the corner and the new Shelly-May is on display. The teddy bear is very beautiful and adorable, not at all like I had described it. I immediately fall in love with it.)

Me: *picks up bear* “I need to have this.”

Friend: “All that feminism just went down the drain in five seconds.”