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  • Nowhere To Hide

    | New England, USA |

    Man: “Oh miss! I notice your shirt says the “*** Steam Train”. You work there?”

    Me: “…yes?”

    Man: “So there are, like… trains?”

    Me: “Of course…”

    Man: “So why are you at “Stop and Shop”? Shouldn’t you be doing your job? There are no trains here!”

    Me: “Sir, it’s called a lunch break.”

    Man: “Oh…” *radiates a healthy scarlet color*

    Ah, The Magic of Pavlov

    | USA |

    (We have a clock at the wild animal park that chimes every 15 minutes. A guest walked up to my ticket booth and asked me a question…)

    Guest: “What do those chimes mean?”

    Me: “Those tell us what time it is.”

    Guest: “Oh. Does that mean we have to leave the park?”

    Me: (I’m trying really hard not to laugh) “No. It’s only noon and the park closes at 8pm.”


    | Lagoon, UT, USA |

    Me: “Hello, what can I get for you?”

    Customer: “Yes, but I don’t want to buy anything. I would just like to know if there are any restaurants here. ”

    Me: “Yes, this is one. There are more elsewhere in the park. ”

    Customer: “I mean, like a sit down restaurant.”

    Me: “We have chairs and tables outside, and more to my left past the grill.”

    Customer: “I mean where you come to me and ask ‘em what I want so that I don’t have to get up. You know, a restaurant.”

    Me: “I don’t know of any off the top of my head, but you can go ahead and ask other people that work here.”

    Customer: “I’ll do that…”

    (She walks off and I continue on helping people. 20 minutes later, she comes back)

    Customer: “I couldn’t find any, are you sure there aren’t any?”

    Me: “Pardon me, but this isn’t a huge super expensive theme park like Disney World or Disneyland. Are you from California by chance?”

    Customer: “Yes, how did you know?”

    Me: “I guessed.”

    The Surer They Are, The Stupider They Get

    , | Lagoon, UT, USA |

    (I work in a burger stand)

    Me: “Welcome, what can I get for you?”

    Lady: “I would like a cheeseburger with no cheese.”

    Me: “Umm…would you just like a hamburger?”

    Lady: “No. I would like specifically a cheeseburger with no cheese.”

    Me: “Are you sure? A cheeseburger is 25 cents more than a hamburger.”

    Lady: “Yes, I’m sure.”

    There’s Dumb, And Then There’s Scary Dumb

    , | Tampa, FL | Top

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Woman: “Yes, I’d like to buy tickets for Mickey’s Not-So-Scary Halloween Party.”

    Me: “Wonderful, when will you be attending?”

    Woman: “Tonight.”

    Me: “I’m so sorry, ma’am, we actually have sold out for tonight’s event.”

    Woman: “Oh, okay, I’ll just get tickets when I get to the park.”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I’m sorry, we don’t have any tickets at all left. You won’t be able to purchase them at the park.”

    Woman: “Right, you’re just sold out of advance tickets, that’s okay, I’ll just get them there.”

    Me: “I’m so sorry ma’am, we are sold out of ALL tickets. That means there are NONE available when you get there.”

    Woman: “But I can still go, right? I just won’t have a ticket?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, you can’t attend Mickey’s Not-So-Scary Halloween Party without a ticket, and we do not have any tickets available.”

    Woman: “Fine, I’ll get my tickets when I get to the park.”

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