• A Pain In The Nugget
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  • October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

    Just Tell ’em What They Want To Hear, Part Three

    | Santa Claus, IN, USA | Uncategorized

    (I work at an amusement park where they have free unlimited drinks throughout the park, a fact that is posted all over the park.)

    Me: “Hello, what can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, how much are your free soft drinks?”

    Me: “… I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “Are you deaf son!? HOW MUCH ARE YOUR FREE SOFT DRINKS!?”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry sir. I couldn’t hear you and thought you said something stupid. The free drinks are $5 each.”

    Customer: “That’s f***ing highway robbery! You people should be ashamed!”

    Me: “Oh, we are…”

    Just Tell ’em What They Want To Hear
    Just Tell ’em What They Want To Hear, Part Two

    The Art Of Persuasion

    | New Hampshire, USA | Uncategorized

    (This is on one of the busiest days we’ve ever had. We literally had to stop letting people into the park)

    Guest: “Why can’t I go into the park?! I drove here from Cape Cod!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but the general manager said we’re not allowed to let anyone else in. We’re at capacity.”

    Guest: “Why can’t I go in now? There are a ton of people leaving!”

    Me: “There are a few things, sir. The general manager said we can’t allow anyone else in, we have weather coming which might halt operations, and even if we let you in, you honestly wouldn’t have fun. There are a ton of people in there.”


    Me: “Sir, your options are you can stay here and complain to me about not being let in, or I can let you in, and you can pay $35 to complain to me that there are too many people inside the park. How’s that?”

    Guest: “On second thought, I’ll just go to the beach.”

    I Never Met A Simile I Didn’t Like

    | Gothenburg, Sweden | Uncategorized

    (I work at an amusement park. On this day I’m overseeing Skee-Ball, where you roll balls up a ramp to make them hit 4″ wide holes on the wall.)

    Customer: “How does this game work?”

    Me: “Well, it’s kinda like bowling, but without the pins.”

    Customer: “But a bowling ball doesn’t fit in those holes!”

    Me: “No…”

    Natural Born Politician

    | Lincoln, NH, USA | Uncategorized

    (Overheard from a school group at a theme park.)

    Student: “God, these stupid lines are so long!”

    Teacher: “If you don’t have anything positive to say, don’t say anything at all.”

    Student: “I mean… these great lines are just long enough that we miss everything!”

    The Matrix Rejected

    | Florida, USA | Uncategorized

    (I used to work in a shop selling overpriced family coat of arms in a shop at a certain theme park in Florida. After a transaction had gone through, this customer turns to her daughter.)

    Customer: “Was that lucky?”

    Oracle Child: *stares blankly*

    Customer: “Was it unlucky to buy it using that card?”

    Oracle Child: “Yes…”

    Customer: “You sure it was unlucky?”

    Oracle Child: “Yes.”

    Customer: “I have to cancel that purchase and use a different card.”

    Coworker: “It’s already gone through.”

    Customer: “This is [theme park]!”

    (My coworker has to oblige the customer and hands her the forms to cancel it. Stupidly, she refuses to sign the forms and storms out with her husband and Oracle Child in tow.)

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