November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Not The Breast Choice Of Words

| Anaheim, CA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Please keep all hands, arms, feet, and legs inside the boat, and remember, pirates, no flash pictures!”

Guest: *takes flash picture*

Me: “Ma’am, please refrain from taking flash photographs on the ride.”

Guest: “I didn’t take a flash picture!”

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but you did. Please turn your flash off or do not take pictures. It disturbs the other ride-goers.”

Guest: “I didn’t take a flash picture! My shirt is still on!”

A Hole In Your Thinking, Part 2

| Longmont, CO, USA | Uncategorized

(I am serving a father and son.)

Me: “Alright, here’s your club and your golf balls. Just follow
the purple path throughout the course.”

(Five minutes later, they come back to the register.)

Me: “You’re already done?”

Customer: “Yeah, I did hole number 5 and my son did hole number 16!”

Me: “You know you can do all 18 holes, right?”

Customer: *very serious* “You’re kidding.”

A Hole In Your Thinking

Getting Your Priorities Straight, Part 3

| Jackson, NJ, USA | Uncategorized

(I work in a store near a drive-through safari. One day, a motorcycle rider comes into the store.)

Manager: “Sir, you can’t go through on a motorcycle–it’s not safe for you or the animals.

Motorcycle rider: “I’ve been through before in my car and nothing happened.”

Manager: “Sir, there are bears, monkeys, and giraffes wandering loose. You could be hurt. We can’t let you got through. We offer a bus service–”

Motorcycle rider: “This is discrimination! What kind of place doesn’t allow cycle riders?”

(During this time, a group of bus riders is shopping in the store. One of them speaks up.)

Bus rider: “Oh, just let him get eaten! That’s a nice bike, and the monkeys and bears will tear it apart anyway.”

Motorcycle rider: “They’d do that to my bike?”

(He rode the bus that day.)

Getting Your Priorities Straight, Part 2
Getting Your Priorities Straight

Fowl Outdoor Behavior

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Uncategorized

(At the theme park where I work, a teenage guest gets out of line and marches up to me at my spot greeting people.)

Guest: “There are two birds back there fighting in the bushes. You should go stop them.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t really have any control over nature.”

Guest: “But they’re fighting. One of them could get hurt.”

Me: “I’m sure they’ll sort it out soon and fly off.”

Other guest: “Those birds aren’t fighting…they’re ‘dating’.”

(The guest thinks about it for a moment.)

Guest: “What?! And you’re just going to let them do it in front of everyone? This is a FAMILY park. Oh my God!”

Directionally Impaired

| Sandusky, OH, USA | Uncategorized

(I work at a theme park and the ride I operate requires riders to pull down their own lap bars.)

Me: “When you’re all seated, please pull down on the lap bars in front of you.”

(Everyone is seated, and all but one guest pulls down their lap bar. She’s talking to her friends, so I catch her attention.)

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, could you please pull down on your lap bar so we can get the ride going?”

Guest: *blank stare*

Me: “The black lap bar right there in front of you. Just go on ahead and pull it down so it’s secure.”

Guest: *blank stare, puts hands on the bar*

Me: “That’s right, just pull it down…”

Guest: *raises hands in the air*

Me: “…”