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    Directionally Impaired

    | Sandusky, OH, USA |

    (I work at a theme park and the ride I operate requires riders to pull down their own lap bars.)

    Me: “When you’re all seated, please pull down on the lap bars in front of you.”

    (Everyone is seated, and all but one guest pulls down their lap bar. She’s talking to her friends, so I catch her attention.)

    Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, could you please pull down on your lap bar so we can get the ride going?”

    Guest: *blank stare*

    Me: “The black lap bar right there in front of you. Just go on ahead and pull it down so it’s secure.”

    Guest: *blank stare, puts hands on the bar*

    Me: “That’s right, just pull it down…”

    Guest: *raises hands in the air*

    Me: “…”

    Talk About A Long Weekend

    | London, UK |

    Me: “Good afternoon, [theme park]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hello. Can I just ask when are your firework nights this year?”

    Me: “They are on the 27th, 28th and 29th October.”

    Caller: “Okay…are they all Saturdays?”

    Not Exactly A Golden Ticket

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    (I work a photo booth that takes everyone’s picture before they get into an attraction, we give tickets out so we can easily locate a customers photo when they come back. A customer hands over her ticket and I hand her the photo to see. She begins walking away with it.)

    Me: “Ma’am, excuse me. I’m sorry we actually sell those here.”

    Customer: “Excuse me?”

    Me: “Well, you have to purchase them. We don’t just give them away.”

    Customer: “But I don’t need to purchase it, I gave you a ticket.”

    Me: “Ma’am that ticket is only so we can find your photo, you need to purchase it if you want to take it home.”

    Customer: “But I gave you a ticket.”

    Me: “Everyone gives us a ticket. Sorry, ma’am, but you’ll have to buy that if you want it. It’s $5.”

    Customer: “This is the biggest scam in the world. I am not paying for my own photograph!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but this is a business. If you don’t want to buy it you don’t have to, but we’re not going to give it to you for free.”

    Customer: “Can I at least get a discount?”

    Me: “Why would we give you a discount?”

    Customer: “BECAUSE I HAVE A TICKET!”

    If You Can’t Stand The Heat, Get Out Of The Solar System

    | Valencia, CA, USA |

    (This exchange happened while I was taking tickets at the entrance to the park.)

    Customer: “You have a very serious problem with your lines.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m very sorry, what was the problem?”

    Customer: “I have been standing out here for twenty minutes in the sun waiting to get into the park. You need to do something about that sun…turn it down or something.”

    Me: “Ma’am…I’m very sorry you were uncomfortable, but I really have no control over the sun.”

    Customer: “You can’t just turn it down? Who can I talk to around here to get something done about this?”

    Me: “You can go talk to Human Resources, ma’am… but I really don’t think they’ll be able to control the sun either.”

    Customer: *storms off*

    Customer #2: *walking up* “So…what’s it like controlling the weather?”

    May We Suggest The Child Protective Services Ride

    | Wisconsin, USA |

    (I am working at the bumper cars at an amusement park, where there is a height restriction.  A guy comes up with his son who is clearly too short.)

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, your son is too short to ride on the bumper cars.”

    Customer: “I just waited for 2 hours in line to go on the bumper cars, and you won’t let my son ride!?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but there are signs outside that show the height restrictions before you got in line.”

    (The customer then proceeds to grab his son around the throat and lift him up by the neck and holds him up to the sign.)

    Customer: “There! Now he’s tall enough!”

    Me: “Get the h*** out of here!”


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