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    (No Way) Back To The Future

    | California, USA |

    (An oddly-dressed man approaches my concessions stand, looking a bit worried.)

    Me: “Hi there, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “What time is it?”

    Me: “About a quarter to 11.”

    Customer: “But what time EXACTLY is it?”

    Me: “Ah…it’s exactly 10:47, sir.”

    Customer: “AM or PM?”

    Me: “Um, AM.”

    Customer: “Thank you! And what day is it?”

    Me: “It’s Tuesday, sir.”

    Customer: “No, no! What is the day of the month?”

    Me: “It’s July 14th.”

    Customer: “Thank you. What is the year?”

    Me: “Um, 2009.”

    Customer: “10:47 am on July 14th, 2009? Oh no, I’m late!”

    Ah, Fathers, Part 3

    | Schaumburg, IL, USA |

    (I am seating guests for a ride.)

    Me: “Sir, I’m sorry but we can only fit two riders in a seat and four in a car.”

    Guest: “It’s alright, the baby can sit in my lap.”

    Me: “Sir, I apologize, but we don’t allow lap sitting either. It’s dangerous for the baby. The lap bar can seriously injure her if we had to do an emergency stop on the ride.”

    Guest: “Wait, so you’re telling me that she counts as a person?”

    Related:
    Ah, Fathers, Part 2
    Ah, Fathers

    Not The Breast Choice Of Words

    | Anaheim, CA, USA |

    Me: “Please keep all hands, arms, feet, and legs inside the boat, and remember, pirates, no flash pictures!”

    Guest: *takes flash picture*

    Me: “Ma’am, please refrain from taking flash photographs on the ride.”

    Guest: “I didn’t take a flash picture!”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but you did. Please turn your flash off or do not take pictures. It disturbs the other ride-goers.”

    Guest: “I didn’t take a flash picture! My shirt is still on!”

    A Hole In Your Thinking, Part 2

    | Longmont, CO, USA |

    (I am serving a father and son.)

    Me: “Alright, here’s your club and your golf balls. Just follow
    the purple path throughout the course.”

    (Five minutes later, they come back to the register.)

    Me: “You’re already done?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I did hole number 5 and my son did hole number 16!”

    Me: “You know you can do all 18 holes, right?”

    Customer: *very serious* “You’re kidding.”

    Related:
    A Hole In Your Thinking

    Getting Your Priorities Straight, Part 3

    | Jackson, NJ, USA |

    (I work in a store near a drive-through safari. One day, a motorcycle rider comes into the store.)

    Manager: “Sir, you can’t go through on a motorcycle–it’s not safe for you or the animals.

    Motorcycle rider: “I’ve been through before in my car and nothing happened.”

    Manager: “Sir, there are bears, monkeys, and giraffes wandering loose. You could be hurt. We can’t let you got through. We offer a bus service–”

    Motorcycle rider: “This is discrimination! What kind of place doesn’t allow cycle riders?”

    (During this time, a group of bus riders is shopping in the store. One of them speaks up.)

    Bus rider: “Oh, just let him get eaten! That’s a nice bike, and the monkeys and bears will tear it apart anyway.”

    Motorcycle rider: “They’d do that to my bike?”

    (He rode the bus that day.)

    Related:
    Getting Your Priorities Straight, Part 2
    Getting Your Priorities Straight


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