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    Completely Immersed In The Lesson

    | Frankenmuth, MI, USA | Family & Kids, School

    (I teach swim lessons but my shift hadn’t started yet so I am in normal clothes and standing behind the front desk.)

    Me: “Hey guys, go ahead and get in, I’ll be in to teach in a few minutes.”

    Mother: “ Who are you?”

    Me: “Miss, your son’s swim teacher.  For the past 2 years.”

    Mother: “Oh! I didn’t recognize you with clothes on!”

    How To Balls Up Simple Math

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Money

    Customer: “How much to play?”

    Me: “Two dollars for three balls.”

    Customer: “How much for three people?”

    Me: “Same price, so six dollars.”

    Customer: “How about five dollars for us all to have one ball?”

    Me: “Well, I’m getting the better end of that deal. So of course!”

    Customer: “Thanks. The boss doesn’t have to know.”

    Got Brains?

    | Virginia, USA |

    (I am offering free ‘Got Milk?’ samples at a state fair.)

    Me: “Hello, ma’am. Would you like to try some milk?”

    Customer: “No way! I don’t drink that kind of milk!”

    Me: “What do you mean, ‘That kind of milk’?”

    (The customer points to my sign.)

    Customer: “Goat milk!”

    Short-Sighted Fathers

    | Hershey, PA, USA | Top

    (A man and his son walks into the guest services office.)

    Customer: “The rides person won’t let my son get on the pirate ship ride.”

    Me: “Your son doesn’t appear to be tall enough. Will you have him stand by the height chart for me?”

    (I measure the child and he is a good two inches shorter than the height requirement for the pirate ride.)

    Me: “Sir, your son is not within the height category. He cannot legally ride the ride.”

    Customer: “Well, can’t you just stamp his hand and let him get on since I said it was okay?”

    Me: “No sir, that is illegal. Your son will not be safe on that ride as the restraints are not built for smaller riders. We do have a kid’s version of that ride.”

    Customer: “I’m going to get my wife. She’s wearing heels today. He can just put those on and be tall enough.”

    Me: “Any shoes that are more than two inches thick need to be removed before we can measure the child, so that won’t work.”

    Son: “Daddy, why can’t we ride the rides?”

    Customer: “Because that horrible lady thinks you’re a midget.”

    (No Way) Back To The Future

    | California, USA |

    (An oddly-dressed man approaches my concessions stand, looking a bit worried.)

    Me: “Hi there, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “What time is it?”

    Me: “About a quarter to 11.”

    Customer: “But what time EXACTLY is it?”

    Me: “Ah…it’s exactly 10:47, sir.”

    Customer: “AM or PM?”

    Me: “Um, AM.”

    Customer: “Thank you! And what day is it?”

    Me: “It’s Tuesday, sir.”

    Customer: “No, no! What is the day of the month?”

    Me: “It’s July 14th.”

    Customer: “Thank you. What is the year?”

    Me: “Um, 2009.”

    Customer: “10:47 am on July 14th, 2009? Oh no, I’m late!”


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