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    Got Brains?

    | Virginia, USA |

    (I am offering free ‘Got Milk?’ samples at a state fair.)

    Me: “Hello, ma’am. Would you like to try some milk?”

    Customer: “No way! I don’t drink that kind of milk!”

    Me: “What do you mean, ‘That kind of milk’?”

    (The customer points to my sign.)

    Customer: “Goat milk!”

    Short-Sighted Fathers

    | Hershey, PA, USA | Top

    (A man and his son walks into the guest services office.)

    Customer: “The rides person won’t let my son get on the pirate ship ride.”

    Me: “Your son doesn’t appear to be tall enough. Will you have him stand by the height chart for me?”

    (I measure the child and he is a good two inches shorter than the height requirement for the pirate ride.)

    Me: “Sir, your son is not within the height category. He cannot legally ride the ride.”

    Customer: “Well, can’t you just stamp his hand and let him get on since I said it was okay?”

    Me: “No sir, that is illegal. Your son will not be safe on that ride as the restraints are not built for smaller riders. We do have a kid’s version of that ride.”

    Customer: “I’m going to get my wife. She’s wearing heels today. He can just put those on and be tall enough.”

    Me: “Any shoes that are more than two inches thick need to be removed before we can measure the child, so that won’t work.”

    Son: “Daddy, why can’t we ride the rides?”

    Customer: “Because that horrible lady thinks you’re a midget.”

    (No Way) Back To The Future

    | California, USA |

    (An oddly-dressed man approaches my concessions stand, looking a bit worried.)

    Me: “Hi there, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “What time is it?”

    Me: “About a quarter to 11.”

    Customer: “But what time EXACTLY is it?”

    Me: “Ah…it’s exactly 10:47, sir.”

    Customer: “AM or PM?”

    Me: “Um, AM.”

    Customer: “Thank you! And what day is it?”

    Me: “It’s Tuesday, sir.”

    Customer: “No, no! What is the day of the month?”

    Me: “It’s July 14th.”

    Customer: “Thank you. What is the year?”

    Me: “Um, 2009.”

    Customer: “10:47 am on July 14th, 2009? Oh no, I’m late!”

    Ah, Fathers, Part 3

    | Schaumburg, IL, USA |

    (I am seating guests for a ride.)

    Me: “Sir, I’m sorry but we can only fit two riders in a seat and four in a car.”

    Guest: “It’s alright, the baby can sit in my lap.”

    Me: “Sir, I apologize, but we don’t allow lap sitting either. It’s dangerous for the baby. The lap bar can seriously injure her if we had to do an emergency stop on the ride.”

    Guest: “Wait, so you’re telling me that she counts as a person?”

    Related:
    Ah, Fathers, Part 2
    Ah, Fathers

    Not The Breast Choice Of Words

    | Anaheim, CA, USA |

    Me: “Please keep all hands, arms, feet, and legs inside the boat, and remember, pirates, no flash pictures!”

    Guest: *takes flash picture*

    Me: “Ma’am, please refrain from taking flash photographs on the ride.”

    Guest: “I didn’t take a flash picture!”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but you did. Please turn your flash off or do not take pictures. It disturbs the other ride-goers.”

    Guest: “I didn’t take a flash picture! My shirt is still on!”


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