Losing Him In Multiple Translations

, | Houston, TX, USA | Language & Words, Liars & Scammers

(I am an entrance photographer at a theme park.)

Me: “Hello, folks. Welcome to [Theme Park]. I need you to please stop for two quick pictures.”

Adult Male Park Attendee: *in obvious Texan Drawl and slightly bad Spanish* “No hablos English.” *yes, he said English, not Ingles*

(Trying to do my job, be polite, and not jump to conclusions I switch to Spanish, which, while I’m not a native speaker, I’m relatively fluent in, and have practiced specifically for Spanish speaking park attendees so they’re not left out of the full experience.)

Me: “No hay problema, señor. Necesito que dejes de para dos fotos rápidas, por favor.”

Adult Male Park Attendee: *still in obvious Texan Drawl and now broken French* “Polly View Frances?”

(Again, he said view, not vue, and while I could do the entire spiel in French, thanks to learning it from my Louisianan coworker, just in case, I’m certain at this point the guy is bluffing, plus he doesn’t actually ask me to say it in French, so…)

Me: “Oui, monsieur.”

(Got to give the guy credit for persistence, because he takes one more shot to avoid the inconvenience of having his photo taken.)

Adult Male Park Attendee: *not even really trying to speak in the language* “German?”

(Yup, he says German, not ‘Deustche.’ At this point, I’m bluffing his bluff. I never learned the spiel in German, but I do know enough to say…)

Me: “Ja, mein herr.”

Adult Male Park Attendee: “Ah, dang nabbit, just take our god-d*** pictures.”

(The family poses and everyone smiles except him. I smile and hand the man the slip with his roll number and finish my duty with them with a cheerful final comment.)

Me: “Your pictures will be ready any time after four pm. Thank you for your time and consideration. Hope you all enjoy this wonderful day.”

(Epilogue: The guy’s wife and kids dragged him to check out the pictures. They bought several framed, a few key chains, and both mini viewers… totaling enough for me to get $40 of commission off just them… They were my only sales that day!)

Music Went From Lucky To Sucky

| GA, USA | Family & Kids, Musical Mayhem, Tourists/Travel

(I DJ at a theme park that has a built in water park. I am happily jamming to ‘Get Lucky’ by Daft Punk by the wave pool when a guest approaches my DJ booth.)

Customer: “Excuse me, ma’am, who makes the play list for the water park?”

Me: “I do, sir, but all the songs on my laptop have been pre-approved by upper management.”

Guest: “Well I have my eight-year-old with me, and she is asking what ‘get lucky’ means. What do you expect me to tell her?!”

Me: “I’m not sure, sir. I am very sorry my music selection has offended you. I didn’t mean any harm.”

Guest: *harumph* “I am taking this to upper management!”

(The man proceeds to tell my supervisor, who talks him out of taking his complaint any further by promising the song will be deleted and no longer played.)

Supervisor: *to me* “Meh, I like that song. If he was smart he would have just told his kid the song meant winning the lottery or something.”

(The rest of the time that particular guest was there, I played super safe things like The Beach Boys. But after that day, I have continued to play that song regularly.)

A Measure Of Common Sense

| UK | Family & Kids, Tourists/Travel

(My sister and I have taken our younger brother to a popular UK theme park. We see that the queue for the tea cups is very short, so we begin to get in line. Just as we do, we notice a woman at the front of the queue with a small child obviously too small to ride. She’s talking to the ride operator.)

Woman: “So, I walked all the way through the queue, only to be told he’s too small to ride! You twat!”

(As she begins to storm away, my sister sends her a death glare before turning to me.)

Sister: *loudly* “Maybe we should go back and measure [Brother].”

Me: “Why?”

Sister: *still loudly* “Because we don’t want to walk barely a meter only to be told he’s too small to ride. If we don’t want to look like utter idiots, we need to measure him before queuing up.”

Me: *catching on* “Yeah. That’s what anyone with COMMON SENSE would do.”

(The woman, who had been demanding to see a manager, turned bright red before hurrying away with her child. The ride operator gave us both a high five.)

Different Cast, Same Script

| Orlando, FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

(When vacationing at this company’s theme parks, I am often asked questions as if I work there, even though I don’t dress or look like their typical employees. It may be just because I plan ahead and look like I know where I’m going. I am walking with my two sons, both of whom are under ten years old. Two 20-something guests approach:)

Guest #1: “Excuse me, which direction does the parade come from?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t know. I’m not a cast member.”

Guest #1: “Huh? Then what do you do?”

Me: “What?”

Guest #2: “What DO you do for [Theme Park Company]?”

(First and only time I’ve said ‘I’m not a Theme Park cast member,’ yet the guests still thought I MUST still work for the company!)

Fairness Is Limited

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel

(Customers have the option of buying a single-ride coupon or an unlimited rides ticket. It’s a particularly busy day, and the queue line on my ride is over 45 minutes long. The ride has just finished and most people are exiting, except for two customers.)

Me: “Hey, gentlemen, the exit is out that way, when you’re ready.”

Customer #1: “We’re staying on for another go.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you will have to line up again to ride, especially since it’s so busy.”

Customer #2: “But we have these.” *shows me his unlimited rides ticket* “See, unlimited.”

Me: “Yes, you can go on multiple rides in the park, but you still have to line up every time. It’s only fair.”

Customer #2: “But we have these!”

Me: “As do most of the people in this queue, sir.”

(On cue, most of the guests in the queue started waving their tickets at the pair. They finally left.)

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