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    At Least His Answer Is In The Right Aria

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Musical Mayhem

    (I am giving a tour of the opera house to a group of 5th graders. We are backstage and we pass a large service elevator, generally used to transport grand pianos, costume racks, etc.)

    Me: “So, guys, who can think of a reason why the opera needs such a big elevator?”

    *silence*

    Kid in the back: “Because there are REALLY BIG PEOPLE in operas!”

    Goodbye Dolly

    | Indiana, USA | School

    Customer: “Excuse me, can I buy three tickets?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we’re sold out.”

    Customer: “Isn’t this [town] High School?”

    Me: “Yes, but this show is sold out.”

    Customer: “How many seats are left?”

    Me: “None. We’re sold out. There’s another show tomorrow at–

    Customer: “Well, next time you should think about being already sold out before you start selling tickets!”

    Scratching Is Believing

    | Melbourne, Australia |

    (A customer appears at my elbow and grabs my arm.)

    Customer: “You’re wearing too much make-up!”

    Me: “I’m not wearing any makeup. I just have chap stick on my lips.”

    Customer: “I don’t believe you!”

    (Suddenly, the customer scratches her nail down my cheek and checks under it for make-up.)

    Customer: “Oh, I guess you’re not. You have lovely skin.” Walks away*

    (Her scratch left a huge red mark on my lovely skin that was still clearly visible three days later.)

    Riverdunce

    | Auckland, New Zealand |

    (A patron approaches me after sitting through a 3 hour classical concert.)

    Patron: “Excuse me, when do they start dancing?”

    Me: “Um, there is no dancing ma’am.”

    Patron: “Isn’t this Riverdance?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. This is the New Zealand Symphony orchestra. Riverdance is on at the theatre next door, and finished about an hour ago.”

    Patron: “Why didn’t you tell me? I thought this was the warm up act.”

    Circle Of Strife

    | United Kingdom |

    Me: “Hello, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, I was just wondering what is currently showing at the moment?”

    Me: “Well, the current production is Timon of Athens.”

    Customer: “Oh? Is that another sequel of The Lion King? Can I book seats for that?”

    Me: “It’s a Shakespearean tragedy. It’s not about lions.”

    Customer: “Oh, so it’s just about the meerkat?”

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