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    Right State, Wrong Situation

    | USA | Musical Mayhem

    (I volunteer at a theater where a lot of Broadway national tours come through. The show “Jersey Boys” is at the theater for a few weeks. Also, there is a symphony going on at the other theater in the building. I’m taking tickets for Jersey Boys when an elderly patron approaches me.)

    Me: “Are you here for the symphony or the musical?”

    Patron: “Yeah, uh, Jersey Shore?”

    Me: “Do you mean Jersey Boys?”

    Patron: “Yeah, that one.”

    Monkey See, Monkey Please Don’t Do That Again

    | Roswell, GA, USA | Movies & TV

    (I am working box office when a father and his 13 year old son come up to my window. We are located in the same mall area as our competitors.)

    Me: “Welcome to [theater], sir. How can I help you today?”

    (The father gets a huge grin on his face. He begins to scratch his head and make monkey noises.)

    Me: *speechless*

    Father: “The monkey movie!”

    Son: “Dad, it’s Planet of the Apes!”

    Me: *laughing* “Oh, you want [competition] down the street. We don’t have that here.

    Father: “You mean I have to do my routine again?”

    Son: *embarrassed* “No, dad!”

    Father: “But I practiced it all the way down here!”

    Son: *rolls eyes*

    Seats Are All ‘Bout Location, Location, Location

    | Hollywood, CA, USA | Extra Stupid

    Me: “Thank you for calling Hollywood Bowl audience services. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “I need help finding my seat on the seating map.”

    Me: “Sure, what seats are they?”

    Customer: “Okay, well, these seats are in section E, row Z, seat 114.”

    Me: “Um, section E isn’t set up that way. The rows go in numbers, and the highest seat in that section is seat 47.”

    Customer: “So, I can just go to the box office and they can figure it out from there?”

    Me: “I guess so, but that row and those seats don’t exist at the Hollywood Bowl.”

    Customer: “Well, these are seats for the Santa Barbara Bowl. Is that the same as the Hollywood Bowl?”

    Me: “No. No, it’s not.”

    Customer: “Oh, so where’s the Santa Barbara Bowl?”

    Me: “I would assume in Santa Barbara.”

    Should Be Throne Out

    | Miami, FL, USA | Top

    (The theater has four wheelchair spots in the back for those who cannot get out of their wheelchair. A wheelchair patron comes in. The seat listed on the ticket is for row H in the center. I assume that she is able to transfer out of her chair and guide herself to the row.)

    Me: “Here we are. When you are seated, I will take–”

    Customer: “Why is there a seat there?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “I cannot get out of my wheelchair.”

    Me: “Oh, well in that case, let me show you to the ADA seating area.”

    Customer: “No! I don’t want to sit back there! I won’t be able to see back there!”

    Me: “We can sometimes accommodate wheelchairs to the front–”

    Customer: “No! That is too close. I want to be in the center of the theater! Remove the chair that is there and let me sit in the seat I purchased!”

    Me: “But the seats are attached to the floor permanently. I can’t remove them.”

    Customer: “This is discrimination!”

    (The patron begins yelling obscenities at me. The House Manager comes to intervene.)

    House manager: “Ma’am, I’m sorry. That is the only way to accommodate you.”

    Customer: “This is unacceptable.”

    (The patron begins to wheel herself back up the aisle, finds it difficult, gets up, and pushes the empty chair back into the lobby.)

    Me: “I thought you couldn’t get out of your chair?”

    Customer: “I can, but I don’t want to!”

    I Have A Dream And A Voice

    | MA, USA |

    Customer: “I think I was just in the wrong theater.”

    Me:The King’s Speech? No, that was the right one.”

    Customer: “It’s just been all these British people talking.”

    Me: “Yes. The King’s Speech.”

    Customer: “But, isn’t it about Martin Luther King Jr.?”

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