November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

The Title Could Be Plane-er

| England, UK | Movies & TV

(I work in a theatre that occasionally shows films. One week we are showing ‘Snakes on a Plane.’)

Customer: “What is that film about?”

Me: “Well, there’s this plane…”

Literally Milked Dry

| London, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

(This is a conversation overheard between my coworker and two customers. Customer #1 is male and at the front of the queue, and has rather a large order of coffees. Customer #2 is behind him, a smaller woman who appears to be waiting impatiently. Our coffee machine on the bar is one of the typical barista-style ones with the nozzle for foaming the milk in a jug.)

Customer #1: *to my coworker* “So, I’ll have two cappuccinos.”

(My coworker makes them.)

Customer #1: “And two more, please.”

(My coworker makes them.)

Customer #1: “And a black coffee.”

(My coworker makes it.)

Customer #1: “And a tea.”

(My coworker makes it.)

Customer #1: “And three more cappuccinos. Sorry, love.”

(My coworker makes them. Thankfully after this, the customer decides that’s more than enough coffee for his group, and pays. Unfortunately, what with it being a very busy show, us being only a small bar, and his having ordered so many coffees, we have already run out of milk. My coworker turns to Customer #2 at this point and greets her.)

Coworker: “Good evening. What can I get you?”

Customer #2: “One cappuccino please.”

(My coworker explains to her that we are currently out of milk because of the large order she just took. The look on the woman’s face turns to pure rage.)


(The entire room stops and falls silent.)

Customer #2: *still shouting* “I NEED MY COFFEE. WHAT KIND OF PLACE IS THIS?!”

(My coworker is biting back the urge to retort, judging by her face. I decide to step in.)

Me: “I’m sorry, madam, but my coworker just explained to you the situation. We can either make you a tea and get you some milk sachets from the lower bar, or we can send you there to get filter coffee.”

Customer #2: *turns to me* “Oh, FORGET IT! You stupid people, not having any milk! This is ridiculous!”

Me: “Madam, you have shouted at my coworker and me, and insulted us. I am refusing you service in this bar for the entire evening. Please leave.”

(Customer #2 shoots me a dirty look and storms out. As she does so, a few of the patrons applaud. Customer #1 approaches the bar.)

Customer #1: “If I had known she was going to be that nasty without coffee I would willingly have given up one of mine. Glad I didn’t have to, though!”

(He left a £5 tip!)

Utah Got The Wrong Place

| Canada | Bizarre, Geography, Musical Mayhem

(I am working at the box office when the phone rings.)

Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [Business]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “I’m looking for the Utah Symphony.”

Me: “Sorry?”

Caller: “The Utah Symphony.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I think you have the wrong number. I’m in Canada.”

Caller: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes, I’m sure I’m in Canada.”

Caller: “Is this [Address] in [City], Utah?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I’m on [Street] in [City], Canada.”

Caller: “But where can I find the Utah Symphony?”

Me: “…try Utah?”

No End To The Weekends

| CA, USA | Crazy Requests

Customer: “Hello! Please, we would like to come to your play this weekend and we see that it sold out. We have waited all year and this is the only weekend we can get out of all the madness in our lives. Please, please, please, any chance we can get tickets? I’ll bake and bring cookies! Scream! Please?!”

Me: “We had a couple cancellations on Friday, so I can actually get you in at 11 pm. We really like cookies.”

Customer: “We were actually hoping for Sunday.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t have a show on Sunday. Let me know if you want the tickets for 11 pm on Friday.”

Customer: “What about 9 pm on Saturday?”

Me: “We are completely sold out on Saturday. Do you want the tickets for 11 pm on Friday?”

Customer: “We actually can’t do Friday, so we’ll just come next weekend.”

Getting Crabby At The Box Office

| US | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I work in the box office of a theater company that performs different plays throughout the summer. Occasionally we get calls from people assuming we are a cinema.)

Me: “Box office. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Uh, yeah, can I place an order with you?”

Me: “Yes, this is the box office. You can order tickets with us.”

Customer: “Okay, I’m gonna get five crab cakes, two orders of—”

Me: “I’m sorry. What was that?”

Customer: “I want five orders of the crab cakes, and—”

Me: “I’m sorry. This is the box office of the theater at [Town].”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “The theater at [Town].”

Customer: “[Town]?”

Me: “Yes. This is the box office.”

Customer: “The box office.”

Me: “Yes.” *silence* “Did you want to order some tickets to a play?”

Customer: “… Yeah. So, I want five crab cakes and two ord—”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. This isn’t a restaurant. This is the box office of the theater.”

Customer: “So you don’t have any crab cakes?”

Me: “I’m afraid not, sir. We only sell tickets to plays.”

Customer: “Okay, sounds great, thanks.” *hangs up*

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