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    Utah Got The Wrong Place

    | Canada | Bizarre, Geography, Musical Mayhem

    (I am working at the box office when the phone rings.)

    Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [Business]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “I’m looking for the Utah Symphony.”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Caller: “The Utah Symphony.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I think you have the wrong number. I’m in Canada.”

    Caller: “Are you sure?”

    Me: “Yes, I’m sure I’m in Canada.”

    Caller: “Is this [Address] in [City], Utah?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I’m on [Street] in [City], Canada.”

    Caller: “But where can I find the Utah Symphony?”

    Me: “…try Utah?”

    No End To The Weekends

    | CA, USA | Crazy Requests

    Customer: “Hello! Please, we would like to come to your play this weekend and we see that it sold out. We have waited all year and this is the only weekend we can get out of all the madness in our lives. Please, please, please, any chance we can get tickets? I’ll bake and bring cookies! Scream! Please?!”

    Me: “We had a couple cancellations on Friday, so I can actually get you in at 11 pm. We really like cookies.”

    Customer: “We were actually hoping for Sunday.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t have a show on Sunday. Let me know if you want the tickets for 11 pm on Friday.”

    Customer: “What about 9 pm on Saturday?”

    Me: “We are completely sold out on Saturday. Do you want the tickets for 11 pm on Friday?”

    Customer: “We actually can’t do Friday, so we’ll just come next weekend.”

    Getting Crabby At The Box Office

    | US | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I work in the box office of a theater company that performs different plays throughout the summer. Occasionally we get calls from people assuming we are a cinema.)

    Me: “Box office. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Uh, yeah, can I place an order with you?”

    Me: “Yes, this is the box office. You can order tickets with us.”

    Customer: “Okay, I’m gonna get five crab cakes, two orders of—”

    Me: “I’m sorry. What was that?”

    Customer: “I want five orders of the crab cakes, and—”

    Me: “I’m sorry. This is the box office of the theater at [Town].”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “The theater at [Town].”

    Customer: “[Town]?”

    Me: “Yes. This is the box office.”

    Customer: “The box office.”

    Me: “Yes.” *silence* “Did you want to order some tickets to a play?”

    Customer: “… Yeah. So, I want five crab cakes and two ord—”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. This isn’t a restaurant. This is the box office of the theater.”

    Customer: “So you don’t have any crab cakes?”

    Me: “I’m afraid not, sir. We only sell tickets to plays.”

    Customer: “Okay, sounds great, thanks.” *hangs up*

    The Power Of One

    | Boston, MA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

    (I work as front of house staff at a theater with multiple performance spaces. On this night we have three sold out shows in our building and an incredibly high volume of patrons in line for the box office and in line to get their tickets scanned. I am the only person scanning tickets at this point and I have developed a cluster of patrons around me, plus many more behind them. I realize that to proceed efficiently, I need more organization. I address my patron cluster:)

    Me: “It will really help me out if everyone can form one line please!”

    Woman In The Cluster: *as though this never would have occurred to her* “OH! Because you’re only one person!”

    Me: “…exactly.”

    Show Off

    | UK | Crazy Requests, Funny Names

    (I work in a theatre and help a customer with a very long ticket booking. He gazes at me warily through most of it as if expecting I’m going to make a mistake.)

    Me: “Okay then, sir. Here are your tickets. I hope you enjoy the show!”

    Customer: You shouldn’t call it a show you know.”

    Me: “Oh?”

    Customer: “Yes. A show is a vague description that could refer to a performance involving music or dance. I have only booked plays, so you should say ‘enjoy the play.’ Do you understand?”

    Me: “I do… and I hope you enjoy the show.”

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