November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Channeling Good Customer Service

| MI, USA | Movies & TV

(I’m the bad guy in this one. I enjoy messing with telemarketers and wasting their time. Most telemarketers aren’t allowed to hang up on you. They’re required to give the whole spiel, regardless of what you say or don’t say, and wait for an answer.)

Caller: “Good afternoon, Mr. [My Name]. My name is [Name], and I’m calling from [Telephone Company]. How are you today?”

Me: “Please hold.”

(I place the handset down in front of the television, which is turned to a 24-hour news station, and I walk away. Ten minutes later, I come back to hang up the handset, and notice that the line is still live. I can hear the telemarketer on the other end talking to a coworker.)

Caller: “…apparently we still have troops in Afghanistan. And Kim Kardashian is pregnant. Hang on. I hear breathing! Mr. [My Name], are you there?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but Mr. [My Name] isn’t available. Can I take a message?”

Caller: “Sure. Tell him to set the TV to Comedy Central next time I call. You have a nice day.”

Ben There, Done That

| Norman, OK, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Hello?”

Me: “Hello, ma’am. My name is Ben. I’m calling to tell you about our special offer that–”

Customer: “Who is this?”

Me: “Ben, ma’am.”

Customer: “Ben? Hey, everyone, Ben is on the phone. Ben, are you still having dinner with us tonight?”

Me: “I think you mean a different Ben, ma’am. I’m a telemarketer.”

Customer: “So you’re not in California?”

Me: “No, ma’am. I’m in Oklahoma.”

Customer: “Well, okay. I’ve got to keep the line clear for the right Ben.”

You Couldn’t Make It Up

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Top

(My job is to call people and pitch the brand of make-up my company sells. I call and an obviously really young girl answers the phone.)

Little Girl: “Hello?”

Me: “Hi, may I talk to the lady of this residence?”

Little Girl: “That’s me.”

Me: “I mean, may I talk to your mom?”

Little Girl: “I have two dads.”

Me: “Oh well, never mind then. Have a nice day!”

Little Girl: “Wait! Why did you call?”

Me: “I’m selling make-up.”

Little Girl: “Oh! One of my daddies loves that stuff. It makes him look pretty when he goes dancing! Let me give him the phone! Dad! Dad! Some girl wants to make you look pretty!”

Customer Of The Week: Electric Lime

, | Beverly, MA, USA | Old Comics, Uncategorized

Customer Of The Week: Electric Lime
Created by our friends at Quitting Time

Original Story:
One Track Minds And Earwax Don’t Mix

Send In The Clowns, Part 2

| Wisconsin, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi! I’m calling today looking for sponsorships for less fortunate children to attend the annual circus.”

Her: “Oh, that sounds wonderful.”

Me: “Would you like to sponsor a child this year?”

Her: “Will there be clowns?”

Me: “Yes, I believe there will be a few clowns.”

Her: “What kind?”

Me: “I’m… sorry?”

Her: “Are they the good ones?”

Me: “They are professionals, so I believe they will be quite good.”

Her: “Do children like them?”

Me: “Yes…”

Her: *in a hushed voice* “I carry a picture of that scary clown in my pocket. I don’t like scary clowns.”

Me: “Scary clown?”

Her: “… from the movie. I bought it so I could have a picture of the scary clown. I have nightmares about it.”

Me: “Ummm… that’s horrible. I’m sorry for bringing up such an awful memory. I will just let you go then.”

Her: “No, I want to help. Kids like that kind of thing. What do I have to do?”

Me: “Well, we will send you a sponsorship packet in the mail. It will have an invoice. You just have to send in payment.”

Her: “Will there be clowns?”

Me: “At the circus?”

Her: “No, I mean will you make sure that they don’t send any clowns in that paper?”

Me: “Yes, I will make sure that you do not get sent any clowns…”

(Ironically, I found out after hanging up that the sponsorship packet has a large picture of a clown on the envelope.)

Send In The Clowns