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    Sends You A Kiss By Wire

    | Detroit, MI, USA | Awesome Customers, Musical Mayhem

    (No way around it, no way to glamour it up: I am a telemarketer. I have to call a customer about an insurance offer. It takes a few seconds for us to be able to hear them when they answer.)

    Me: “He—”

    Customer:HELLO, MY BABY! HELLO, MY HONEY! HELLO, MY RAGTIME GAL!

    (I am stunned as she sings the whole song!)

    Customer: “Sorry about that. Been getting calls all day. Told myself and my mother that the next caller is being sung to.”

    (I was stunned for a few more seconds, then I burst out laughing. I laughed so hard it hurt! I had to end the call and then take a 10-minute break to calm down.)

    Channeling Good Customer Service

    | MI, USA | Movies & TV

    (I’m the bad guy in this one. I enjoy messing with telemarketers and wasting their time. Most telemarketers aren’t allowed to hang up on you. They’re required to give the whole spiel, regardless of what you say or don’t say, and wait for an answer.)

    Caller: “Good afternoon, Mr. [My Name]. My name is [Name], and I’m calling from [Telephone Company]. How are you today?”

    Me: “Please hold.”

    (I place the handset down in front of the television, which is turned to a 24-hour news station, and I walk away. Ten minutes later, I come back to hang up the handset, and notice that the line is still live. I can hear the telemarketer on the other end talking to a coworker.)

    Caller: “…apparently we still have troops in Afghanistan. And Kim Kardashian is pregnant. Hang on. I hear breathing! Mr. [My Name], are you there?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but Mr. [My Name] isn’t available. Can I take a message?”

    Caller: “Sure. Tell him to set the TV to Comedy Central next time I call. You have a nice day.”

    Ben There, Done That

    | Norman, OK, USA |

    Customer: “Hello?”

    Me: “Hello, ma’am. My name is Ben. I’m calling to tell you about our special offer that–”

    Customer: “Who is this?”

    Me: “Ben, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Ben? Hey, everyone, Ben is on the phone. Ben, are you still having dinner with us tonight?”

    Me: “I think you mean a different Ben, ma’am. I’m a telemarketer.”

    Customer: “So you’re not in California?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. I’m in Oklahoma.”

    Customer: “Well, okay. I’ve got to keep the line clear for the right Ben.”

    You Couldn’t Make It Up

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Top

    (My job is to call people and pitch the brand of make-up my company sells. I call and an obviously really young girl answers the phone.)

    Little Girl: “Hello?”

    Me: “Hi, may I talk to the lady of this residence?”

    Little Girl: “That’s me.”

    Me: “I mean, may I talk to your mom?”

    Little Girl: “I have two dads.”

    Me: “Oh well, never mind then. Have a nice day!”

    Little Girl: “Wait! Why did you call?”

    Me: “I’m selling make-up.”

    Little Girl: “Oh! One of my daddies loves that stuff. It makes him look pretty when he goes dancing! Let me give him the phone! Dad! Dad! Some girl wants to make you look pretty!”

    Customer Of The Week: Electric Lime

    , | Beverly, MA, USA | Old Comics

    Customer Of The Week: Electric Lime
    Created by our friends at Quitting Time

    Original Story:
    One Track Minds And Earwax Don’t Mix


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