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    Day-Scare Center

    , | Lewiston, ME, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids

    (I work in a call center selling credit cards over the phone. I get a call one day from a woman who sounds like she is surrounded by children.)

    Me: “…and what is—”

    Caller: *to kids in the background* “Hey! Quiet down back there! Don’t make me get the rolling pin!”

    (I think to myself: Oh, my! Well, they are her children, not mine, so I’ll ignore it.)

    Caller: “You were saying?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, what is your occupation?”

    Caller: “Oh! I work for a daycare center.”

    How To Get Non-Existent Panties In A Twist

    , | FL, USA | Rude & Risque

    (I’m a FTM transgender, but have not begun transition, so although I’m frequently called “sir” in person based on my looks, my voice is a dead giveaway – especially at a call center job.)

    Me: “Hello, I’m calling on behalf of [Company] regarding the power bill. May I speak with [Name]?”

    Man: “Are you wearing any paaaaantieees?”

    Me: “…Excuse me, sir?”

    Man: “I like women who don’t wear paaaaaantieeees!”

    Me: “Sir, I’m a man, and I’m calling to save you money on your power bill.”

    Man: “No, you’re not! You’re a WOMAN and I like women who don’t wear PAAAAANTIEEEEES!”

    Me: “So you’ve said, sir, but I’m a transgender man. Would you like to save money on your power bill or not?”

    (At this apparently horrific revelation, the customer hangs up on ME, and I pause the dialer to do a victory dance at my desk.)

    Weird And Cheered

    | Saint Paul, MN, USA | Family & Kids

    (I work for my university calling alum and asking for donations to the school. A child who sounds about five or six picks up.)

    Kid: “Hello?”

    Me: “Hi, may I please speak to [Alum]?”

    Kid: *to mom* “Mom, there’s some weird lady on the phone for you.”

    Alum: “Oh, my god, I am so sorry!”

    Me: *laughing hysterically* “That brightened my entire day.”

    Alum: “I’ll give him a talking-to later.”

    Me: “No, no, I promise. It was adorable.”

    Cold Callers Versus Hot Heads

    | Yorkshire, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Rude & Risque

    (It is my first week of cold calling people to try to encourage them to buy a kitchen or windows. I do not want to be there, but I need the money.)

    Me: “Hello, am I speaking to the home owner?”

    Customer #1: “Yes?”

    Me: “I’m calling from [Company] to see if [launch into selling script]. So. do you think—”

    Customer #1: “DON’T YOU KNOW MY MOTHER HAS JUST DIED?!” *slams down phone*

    Me: “… No?”

    (I put her on to the don’t call back list despite the fact we’re not meant to do that unless they specifically ask us to because I feel sorry for her despite her rudeness, and let the automated dialer tick to the next cold call.)

    Me: “Hello, am I speaking to the home owner?”

    Customer #2: “Yes, you are. Who is this?”

    Me: “I’m calling from [Company] to see if [launch into selling script]. So. do you think that might be something you’re interested in?”

    Customer #2: “You know, you don’t have to do this. You could go back to college, educate yourself, and get a proper job. You don’t have to waste your life in a call centre.”

    Me: “Sir, I’m studying neurobiology at university.”

    Customer #2: “Oh, well, uh, no. I’m not interested. Sorry. Please remove me from the list. Good luck.”

    (Again, I put him on the no call back list then let the dialer click on…)

    Me: “Hello, am I speaking to the home owner?”

    Customer: *sighs* “Yes…”

    Me: “I’m calling from [Company] to see if [launch into selling script]. So. do you think you might be interested?”

    Customer: “Actually, maybe. Tell me more. What does it involve?”

    (The customer gets me to answer loads of questions, sounds really interested, and I begin to hope my day might turn round and I might finally check off the measly £1 bonus for getting someone to book a visit for a quote.)

    Customer: “Brilliant, thank you for that. Can you do me one last favour?”

    Me: “Absolutely, sir!”

    Customer: “Good. Can you F*** OFF?!” *slams down the phone*

    (I put him on the urgent call back list, meaning he’ll be called the next day around lunch time, and if he’s still rude to whoever is unfortunate enough to get him they will probably do the exact same thing. If you’re going to be a jerk to cold callers, remember we are human beings, too. Politeness gets you much further and it costs nothing to say nicely ‘I’m not interested; please take me off your lists.’ I started job hunting that night and left three weeks later.)

    Sends You A Kiss By Wire

    | Detroit, MI, USA | Awesome Customers, Musical Mayhem

    (No way around it, no way to glamour it up: I am a telemarketer. I have to call a customer about an insurance offer. It takes a few seconds for us to be able to hear them when they answer.)

    Me: “He—”


    (I am stunned as she sings the whole song!)

    Customer: “Sorry about that. Been getting calls all day. Told myself and my mother that the next caller is being sung to.”

    (I was stunned for a few more seconds, then I burst out laughing. I laughed so hard it hurt! I had to end the call and then take a 10-minute break to calm down.)

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