I’m working the helpline for a huge Internet company. Usually, when customers come to me, they are transferred from a coworker of a lower level and need some special technical help, like deleting cache, cookies, or other stuff, and are stuck in some security alert so they can’t log in to their account.

This conversation comes up to me at least two times a day, sometimes more often.

Me: “Okay, I have your account up now and changed something. Would you mind telling me which device you are using right now?”

Customer: *Irritated* “Um, my home phone… I have no smartphone!”

Me: “Let me be a bit more precise: which device are you using to log in?”

Customer: *Slightly angry* “Oh… a PC. What else should I use? I have no smartphone!”

Me: *Dry as a good wine* “There still is the possibility that you could use a tablet. And don’t forget about smart fridges.”

Customer: *Laughing* “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t think of that.”

Most of the time, they add something like, “You know I’m old.” Then, the real struggle begins, but that’s another story.

I’m on the phone with a customer who’s trying to format a file to send my way.

Me: “If you save it as a PDF, we’ll be able to open it.”

Customer: “So, when it asks what kind of file type I want to save it as, I choose PDF?”

Me: “Exactly. Let me know when you’ve done it.”

At this moment, the department head walks in, so I hit my mute button.

Head: “I just wanted you guys to know that we have won the office championship and will be having a party on Friday.”

We’ve been working very hard for a month to outperform the other departments. The others in my office cheer at their respective desks.

Customer: “That’s now saved as a PDF.”

Me: “WOOOHOOOOO!”

Customer: “THANKS! I’m pretty proud of myself!”

Me: *Trying not to laugh* “Great job. Just email that to me…”

Thank goodness I didn’t say something more embarrassing while I thought I was on mute.

I work internal IT for a retail company, supporting all users for all of our stores. For security reasons, we are not allowed to know other people’s passwords, and you’re technically not supposed to give your password to anyone else in the company. Apparently, this is something that most users don’t seem to understand. I have variations on this call almost daily; sometimes it feels like it’s hourly.

Me: “Okay, don’t tell me what the password itself is, but how long is it?”

User: “Well, my password is—”

Me: “Don’t tell me your password. Just tell me the character length; is it at least seven characters?”

User: “My password is—”

Me: “Do not tell me your password.”

User: “Oh, I don’t care.”

Me: “I do. Please don’t tell me your password. I just need to make sure that it’s at least seven characters long.”

User: “Well, my password is—”

Me: *Headdesk*

Granted, it’s not like we’re protecting national secrets or anything like that, but you’d think users would understand it’s definitely a CYA thing.

Related:
The Final Word On Passwords, Part 10
The Final Word On Passwords, Part 9
The Final Word On Passwords, Part 8
The Final Word On Passwords, Part 7
The Final Word On Passwords, Part 6

I’m working tech support and get a very angry guy. This is during the pre-mobile internet days.

Caller: “Why won’t my home wireless router cover me in California?!”

Me: “Because you’re in Texas, sir.”

Caller: *Livid.* “So I can’t even use it on the plane from Texas to California?”

Me: “Best I can guarantee you is the end of your front yard.”

The caller was NOT happy!

I work in IT support. It’s a usual day at office, doing some tickets and answering calls. I get a call from a woman maybe in her mid- to late twenties.

Me: “Hello. IT support here. How can I help you?”

Employee: “My mouse doesn’t work, and I need a new one ASAP.”

Me: “Okay, you can come down here and I’ll give you one.”

Employee: “No, I need you to bring it to me.”

I’m like, “What the f***?” but sure, a little bit of walking won’t be bad.

Me: “Be right there.”

I grab a new mouse and make my way up there. I knock on the door and walk in. She has two monitors, and her cursor is on the left one; she is trying to move it to the right one. I just stand there and watch as she is, forcefully, trying to break the “wall” between the monitors.

Employee: “Thank you. Give me the new mouse, please. I know how to plug it in.”

Okay… Don’t laugh. No matter what you do, just don’t laugh, and stay professional.

Me: “Um… Can… Can I just show you something?”

Employee: “It’s clearly broken. Look.”

She uses more force moving the mouse.

Employee: “It doesn’t go over there.”

Me: “One second, please.”

I quickly access her settings and change the second monitor from left to right.

Me: “You just had the settings wrong.”

Employee: “No, I did not. I never touched the setting.” *Tries moving the mouse* “How did you fix that?”

Me: “I… just showed you”

Employee: “Show me again.”

I do so.

Employee: “What did you do?”

Me: “I… I just showed you.”

Employee: “Okay, never mind. Bye.”

Me: “Bye.”

I left with the new mouse, trying not to laugh all the way back to my office.