Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Got Him Out Of A Pickle
    (3,191 thumbs up)
  • October Theme Of The Month: Coupon Complications!
    Submit your story today!

    That’s Nothing A Little Duct Tape Can’t Fix

    , , | Unknown Location |

    Customer: “I want a computer where I can type in Russian and it will print in English.”

    Me: “Sir, I’m afraid we don’t have Russian keyboards.”

    Customer: “No, that’s fine. I’ll just tape Russian letters on.”

    Me: “Sir, it will still be an English keyboard.”

    Customer: “Okay, so what if I glue the letters on?”

    Me: *thunk thunk thunk* “Still English.”

    When Nomenclature Goes Amok

    | USA | Top

    Tech Support: “All right…now double-click on the File Manager icon.”

    Customer: “That’s why I hate this ‘Windows’–because of the icons–I’m a Protestant, and I don’t believe in icons.”

    Tech Support: “Well, that’s just an industry term sir. I don’t believe it was meant to-”

    Customer: “I don’t care about any ‘industry terms’. I don’t believe in icons.”

    Tech Support: “Well…why don’t you click on the ‘little picture’ of a file cabinet…it’s a ‘little picture’, okay?”

    Customer: *hangs up*

    My Neighbor Broke, Can You Fix It

    | Boulder, CO |

    Tech Support: “So you’re having issues picking up your wireless signal … how many connections are there?”

    Customer: “There’s two other networks but only one bar on each … those are my bad neighbors.”

    Tech Support: “So the good signal isn’t there? Hmm, your modem might be off; can we check that?”

    Customer: “Modem?”

    (Tech support troubleshot that for a while before realizing the guy had never paid for internet before and didn’t own a modem.)

    Tech Support: “Sir, when you said the other connections were your ‘bad neighbors…’ Did you mean that the good neighbor with the good signal isn’t there?”

    Customer: “Oh, he moved?”

    Sorry, Scotty & Spock Haven’t Been Born Yet

    | Boulder, CO |

    Customer: “Hello, is this Tech support?”

    Me: “Absolutely, is there an issue I can help you with?”

    Customer: “Yeah I want you to take over my computer and tell me what’s wrong with it. It’s all crazy.”

    Me: (Thinking about how “all crazy” actually constitutes as a good description of a problem in most cases) “Okay ma’am well I assume you’ve had us remote control your machine again, so go ahead and open the program for me and I’ll try to connect. What’s the IP address?”

    Customer: “No, you can’t have my IP.”

    Me: “Well it’s impossible to help you without it. Don’t worry, I’m not going to do something to your machine.”

    Customer: “No, you don’t understand. My ISP or whatever stopped giving me internet so I need you to do it some other way.”

    Me: “Ma’am, without internet I can’t just .. beam into your computer.”

    Customer: “Man, those guys control EVERYTHING!!”

    *click*

    A Pseudo-Existential Moment

    | Unknown Location |

    Technician: “Good morning, *** Technical Support.”

    Caller: “Is this technical support?”

    Technician: “Yes.”

    Caller: “Can I have your phone number please?”

    Technician: (Confused) “What number did you phone in on?”

    Caller: “Can I have your phone number please?”

    Technician: (Thoroughly confused) “It’s this number, it’s the number you’ve just dialed.”

    Caller: “Thank you. Goodbye.”

    Source

    Page 88/89First...8586878889