Aggression Issues

| Tokyo, Japan | Top

Me, checking a customer’s network connection: “…so you double-click with the left button of your mouse on the Local Area Connection icon.”

Customer: “What? Double-kick?”

Me: “No, double-click; I mean you click twice, consecutively with the left button of your mouse on the Local Area Connection icon.”

Customer: “Double-kick?”

Me: “Yes, double-kick your monitor.”

Those Darned Post-Its Of Death

| South England | Uncategorized

User: “My computer’s not working properly–it stopped working when you were up here doing whatever you were doing, so you need to fix it.”

Tech support engineer: “I was upstairs writing down names. I wrote your name on a post it note. I’m not sure how that broke your computer.”

This Is What Hell Is Like

| USA | Top

(I had this conversation recently with a lady who swore she had been using computers since forever.)

Tech Support: “All right. Now click ‘OK’.”

Customer: “Click ‘OK’?”

Tech Support: “Yes, click ‘OK’.”

Customer: “Click ‘OK’?”

Tech Support: “That’s right. Click ‘OK’.”

Customer: “So I click ‘OK’, right?”

Tech Support: “Right. Click ‘OK’.”

(Pause.)

Customer: “I clicked ‘Cancel’.”

Tech Support: “YOU CLICKED ‘CANCEL’???”

Customer: “That’s what I was supposed to do, right?”

Tech Support: “No, you were supposed to click ‘OK’.”

Customer: “I thought you said to click ‘Cancel’.”

Tech Support: “NO. I said to click ‘OK’.”

Customer: “Oh.”

Tech Support: “Now we have to start over.”

Customer: “Why?”

Tech Support: “Because you clicked ‘Cancel’.”

Customer: “Wasn’t I supposed to click ‘Cancel’?”

Tech Support: “No. Forget that. Let’s start from the top.”

Customer: “Ok.”

(I spend the next fifteen minutes re-constructing the carefully crafted setup for this lady’s unique computer.)

Tech Support: “All right. Now, are you ready to click ‘OK’?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Tech Support: “Great. Now click ‘OK’.”

(Pause.)

Customer: “I clicked ‘Cancel’.”

(And people wonder why my mouse pad has a target on it labeled “BANG HEAD HERE.”)

Source

You Go On Wit Yo Bad DIY Self!

| Australia | Uncategorized

Caller: “Hello, I’d like some help!”

Me: “Sure sir, how can I help you?”

Caller: “Well, actually I don’t have an account yet. I was wondering if I could talk or send messages to my daughter. She’s in Australia and she has an internet account.”

Me: “Yes sir, that’s possible!”

Caller: “What do I need to do that?”

Me: “You just need a computer and a modem.”

Caller: “Hey, but just have a FAX machine and a TV! Isn’t that enough?”

Me: *controlling the urge to burst in laughter* “I’m afraid not, sir. You’ll need a computer for sure.”

Caller: “YOU KNOW WHAT? You guys don’t wanna help me! I know your types! You just want the fat, rich customers that will buy anything you demand! You know what? You’re not the only ISP in town! Goodbye!” *click*

Source

Workin’ That Tech Support Magic

| Austin, TX, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer calls in to a call center and states that he can’t connect to his internet. After about 20 minutes of trying to get the customer to troubleshoot, none of which he can manage to do, the rep figures the cable is simply disconnected. However, since the customer can’t troubleshoot they come up with a clever way to fix the problem.)

Rep: “Sir, can you unplug that big phone cord looking cable from the box with blinking lights and your main computer box and hold both ends in your hands for me?”

Customer: “Yeah, hold on.” *shuffles around* “Well that was easy. Got it.”

Rep: “Ok, what I need you to do is swing one end of that around above your head as hard as you can. Sometimes bad packets get stuck in the end, making it impossible to connect to the internet.”

Customer: “Alright! One second.” *whooshing in the background* “… Ok, done, Now what?”

Rep: “Ok, now plug it back in to the back of the blinking lights box and the main computer box and let me know when you have done that.”

Customer: “Wow! That really worked! Thanks!” *click*

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