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    Just Wait Until She Names Her Kids

    | Grand Rapids, MI, USA |

    (This customer called in to reactivate her account. She didn’t remember the original password so I reset it for her)

    Me: “All right, your password must be at least six characters in length, contain letters and numbers, and cannot be a common dictionary word. What would you like it to be?”

    Customer: “Eat sh*t.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “The password–eatsh*t.”

    Me: “Alright…but it requires a number.”

    Customer: “Oh….”

    Me: “How about 1eatsh*t1?”

    Customer: “Great!”

    Problem Exists Between Chair And Keyboard

    | Buffalo, NY, USA |

    (I had just started a new IT job for a large school district and was not expecting the level of stupidity I would be dealing with on a regular basis. Within my first 3 weeks, I receive a phone call from a school.)

    Clerk: “Hi, I am trying to use this new system on these computers and I attempting to make my account. My Principal got me started but now I am stuck.”

    Me: “What seems to be the problem?”

    Clerk: “Well, it is asking me for First Name and I have no idea what I am supposed to type.”

    Me: “You’re at the registration screen? Um…well I think you are supposed to enter your name.”

    Clerk: “Oh…okay…wait. No, it’s asking me for something else.”

    Me: “What now?”

    Clerk: “It says…last…name…what do I put here?”

    Me: “Probably your last name.”

    Clerk: “Oh, thanks…oh Jesus, now it’s asking for my phone number! What the hell am I suppose to put here! Why can’t I just do it the old fashioned way?”

    Me: “You mean pen and paper?”

    Clerk: “Yes! It was so much easier. These fancy computers are just so complicated. I never understand what I am suppose to do!”

    (I bit my tongue and just let her ramble on about how ‘First Name’ was such an incredibly hard concept to grasp.)

    Lieutenant BSOD, Reporting For Duty

    | Nova Scotia, Canada | Technology, Top

    (Back story: the customer was getting a blue screen of death on their computer.)

    Me: “Hello, thank you for calling tech support. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I was wondering if you could tell me who general failure is and why he is trying to read the C drive on my computer?”

    Me: “Ummm…excuse me?”

    Customer: “I said that some guy named General Failure is reading my C drive.”

    Me: “How did you come to this conclusion?”

    Customer: “When I booted up my computer I get a big blue screen that says “General failure reading drive C,” and I demand to know who this person is!”

    Me: *stifling laughter* “Okay, if you don’t mind I am going to place you on hold for about 10 minutes while I do an investigation as to who this person is…”

    (I placed customer on hold and told my co-workers. We laughed our asses off for 10 minutes.)

    Me: “Thank you for holding. I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is I was able to find some information for you. The bad news is that I wasn’t able to confirm who this ‘General Failure’ is; I am sure he doesn’t work for us. The other thing is that your hard drive is fried, and I would advise you to try to pull any data you can off the drive and invest in a new one. Is there anything else I can do for you today?”

    Customer: “Um…no thank you.”

    (Customer hangs up and we laugh our asses off some more.)

    Tomorrow’s Leaders, Indeed

    , | Central Illinois, USA | Top

    (I work tech support for a university, and our help desk supports faculty/staff only. On this day, a student walks in.)

    Student: “I’m here to turn in my paper.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, this is the *** Faculty Help Desk, we don’t deal with student assignments.”

    Student: “But I don’t know where to turn it in. Can’t you just turn it in for me?”

    Me: “No, if you don’t know where to turn it in, I would certainly not have a clue.”

    Student: “But can’t you just take it?”

    Me: “No. If you’re really that confused, contact your professor or go to the department office. I’m sure they can help you.”

    Student: “But can’t you just take it?”

    Me: *blinks in disbelief* “Um…”

    Student: “Please, take it!”

    Me: “Ok.”

    (I proceed to take it and place it in the recycle bin in front of her.)

    Student: “Thank you so much!”

    That Darned Cat

    | Texas, USA |

    (I work as a computer tech and do in house calls, I got a call one day and went to the customers house to assist with her computer not coming on.)

    Customer: “Thank god you’re here!”

    Me: “What’s wrong with the computer?”

    Customer: “It wont turn on at all, not even the monitor.”

    Me: “Okay…”

    (I begin to look at it, and it won’t come on at all, the tower or the monitor, so I check the easy things first. I find her power strip unplugged from the wall and plugged into itself. So I plug it into the wall and the computer magically comes on.)

    Me: “Okay, your problem was that your power strip was plugged into itself, and therefore did not have any power to the computer.”

    Customer: “How do you think that happened?”

    Me: “Well, I’m sure your foot got caught up in it and accidentally unplugged it from the wall, and then you saw a plug hanging there later and plugged it into the power strip.”

    Customer: “No, I don’t think that happened.”

    Me: “Well, I’m not sure as to what really happened, but that is what I think happened.”

    Customer: “I think my cat did it.”

    Me: “I’m sorry.”

    Customer: “I think my cat got back there and got caught up in it and unplugged it.”

    Me: “That’s possible…”

    Customer: “But how did it get plugged into itself?”

    Me: “I’m sure you saw it hanging there and plugged it into the power strip.”

    Customer: “No, I’m pretty sure the cat did that too.”

    Me: “I don’t think the cat can or did do that.”

    Customer: “Yeah he did…he does all kinds of stuff like that. One day I came home and he had turned the thermostat up.”

    (She was pointing at the thermostat which was on a wall with no way for the cat to get to it…and it was digital, so the cat would of had to push the button several times.)

    (That was just too funny, when I got back to the office and turned the work order in all the coworkers laughed because under problem description it said, “Cat unplugged power strip and plugged it into itself.”)

    (Since that day, every time we get a simple call we joke with each other and ask if the customer has a cat.)

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