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    Kill Them With Kindness

    | Harrisburg, PA, USA | Top

    Me: “Thank you for calling C** Technologies, how can I help?”

    Customer, very irate: “Yeah! I didn’t pay my internet bill and now its saying my account is suspended and I want to know why!”

    Me: “Okay, you didn’t pay your bill, we suspended your account and you would like to know why?”

    Customer: “Yes! Why? Why did you suspend it?”

    Me: “Alright, let me take a look here…my system shows it suspended the account because you didn’t pay the last bill we sent.”

    Customer: “I know I didn’t pay the bill! Have a little f**king sympathy here! Are you customer service??”

    Me: “I’m tech support.”

    Customer: “Where is customer service at?!?”

    Me: “Our billing department handles all our customer service issues, I’ll transfer you down to them.”

    Customer: “You’re acting like a real a**hole you know that? You need to have more empathy for people!”

    Me, in the most uppity happy-go-lucky voice ever conceived; I almost gagged from bringing so much joy up: “You have yourself a fabulously sunshine-filled day, sir!”

    Customer: “WHATS YOUR F**KING NA–” *click*

    (Gotta love that transfer button…)

    Aggression Issues

    | Tokyo, Japan | Top

    Me, checking a customer’s network connection: “…so you double-click with the left button of your mouse on the Local Area Connection icon.”

    Customer: “What? Double-kick?”

    Me: “No, double-click; I mean you click twice, consecutively with the left button of your mouse on the Local Area Connection icon.”

    Customer: “Double-kick?”

    Me: “Yes, double-kick your monitor.”

    Those Darned Post-Its Of Death

    | South England |

    User: “My computer’s not working properly–it stopped working when you were up here doing whatever you were doing, so you need to fix it.”

    Tech support engineer: “I was upstairs writing down names. I wrote your name on a post it note. I’m not sure how that broke your computer.”

    This Is What Hell Is Like

    | USA | Top

    (I had this conversation recently with a lady who swore she had been using computers since forever.)

    Tech Support: “All right. Now click ‘OK’.”

    Customer: “Click ‘OK’?”

    Tech Support: “Yes, click ‘OK’.”

    Customer: “Click ‘OK’?”

    Tech Support: “That’s right. Click ‘OK’.”

    Customer: “So I click ‘OK’, right?”

    Tech Support: “Right. Click ‘OK’.”

    (Pause.)

    Customer: “I clicked ‘Cancel’.”

    Tech Support: “YOU CLICKED ‘CANCEL’???”

    Customer: “That’s what I was supposed to do, right?”

    Tech Support: “No, you were supposed to click ‘OK’.”

    Customer: “I thought you said to click ‘Cancel’.”

    Tech Support: “NO. I said to click ‘OK’.”

    Customer: “Oh.”

    Tech Support: “Now we have to start over.”

    Customer: “Why?”

    Tech Support: “Because you clicked ‘Cancel’.”

    Customer: “Wasn’t I supposed to click ‘Cancel’?”

    Tech Support: “No. Forget that. Let’s start from the top.”

    Customer: “Ok.”

    (I spend the next fifteen minutes re-constructing the carefully crafted setup for this lady’s unique computer.)

    Tech Support: “All right. Now, are you ready to click ‘OK’?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Tech Support: “Great. Now click ‘OK’.”

    (Pause.)

    Customer: “I clicked ‘Cancel’.”

    (And people wonder why my mouse pad has a target on it labeled “BANG HEAD HERE.”)

    Source

    You Go On Wit Yo Bad DIY Self!

    | Australia |

    Caller: “Hello, I’d like some help!”

    Me: “Sure sir, how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Well, actually I don’t have an account yet. I was wondering if I could talk or send messages to my daughter. She’s in Australia and she has an internet account.”

    Me: “Yes sir, that’s possible!”

    Caller: “What do I need to do that?”

    Me: “You just need a computer and a modem.”

    Caller: “Hey, but just have a FAX machine and a TV! Isn’t that enough?”

    Me: *controlling the urge to burst in laughter* “I’m afraid not, sir. You’ll need a computer for sure.”

    Caller: “YOU KNOW WHAT? You guys don’t wanna help me! I know your types! You just want the fat, rich customers that will buy anything you demand! You know what? You’re not the only ISP in town! Goodbye!” *click*

    Source


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