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    The Land Of Maple Leafed Savages

    | Ontario, Canada | Top

    Me: “Thank you for calling technical support. My name is ***, how can I help you?

    Customer: *distinct southern accent* “Where am I calling?”

    Me: “*** technical support. Are you having trouble with your internet, sir?”

    Customer: “I know that. I mean, what part of the world?”

    Me: “I’m in Canada, sir. Is there something I can help you with?”

    Customer: “Canada?! You have internet up in Canada?”

    Me, sarcastically: “Nope…just got radio, in fact I had to drive my dog sled into work. There was a horrible accident and I lost two dogs. It’s been a rough day.”

    Customer: “Oh…well, I want technical support from a country who actually has it.” *click*

    Supervisor monitoring calls: “You can’t be serious.”

    Gotta Love Them DIY ‘Puters

    , | London, ON, Canada | Top

    (I was working in warranties for a large computer manufacturer, mostly with businesses but a few individuals came through on the line here and there.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling ***. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “My computer don’t work.”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am. Can I get the serial number off of your CPU?”

    Customer: “My what?”

    Me: “The computer tower.”

    Customer: “Huh?”

    (I’ll spare you the agony but, I went on for about 3 more minutes trying to describe the CPU and getting nowhere.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t seem to be expressing myself well today. Can you describe to me all the computer parts on your desk? I’ll tell you which one the number I need is on.”

    Customer: “It’s just a keyboard and a screen, like any other computer.”

    Me: “Oh, you have a laptop!”

    Customer: “A what?”

    Me: “A little computer you can take with you. The keyboard and screen fold together with a hinge in the middle, right?”

    Customer: “No, I don’t! I don’t know what is wrong with you computer people today. First the sales guy tries to sell me a bunch of sh*t I don’t need in this big box package and now you don’t even know what a computer is! Brand new today and it don’t even work.”

    Me: “So…you just bought a keyboard and a monitor?”

    Customer: “What’d I need all the rest uh’ that sh*t in the box for? This was way cheaper! I ain’t stupid!”

    Me: “…”

    There Are No Stupid Questions, Just Stupid People

    , | Louisville, KY, USA |

    (As with most customers, once you’ve told them to “right click” on something one time, they can’t help but ask you about it every few seconds…this was a special instance.)

    Me: “Alright ma’am, I need you to click on the icon for me.”

    Customer: “Right click or left click?”

    Me: “By default, always left click, unless I say otherwise.”

    Customer: “Alright.”

    (5 minutes later…)

    Me: “Ok, go ahead and click on that button for me.”

    Customer: “Right click or left click?”

    Me: “By default, always left click, unless I say otherwise.”

    (5 more minutes later…)

    Me: “Can you click on that icon for me ma’am?”

    Customer: “Right click or left click?”

    Me: “By default, always left click, unless I say otherwise.”

    Customer: “You already said that like three times!”

    Related:
    Stupidity Is The Mother Of Repetition

    A Woman Of Few Words

    , | Midwest, USA |

    (I was in our technology support office when a housekeeping staff person, Donna, stopped by. There was no preamble to the dialog below.)

    Donna: “Dr. Franklin gets e-mail in his office.”

    Me: *nods*

    Donna: “Alicia says she can check her e-mail in the office.”

    Me: *nods*

    Donna: “I like e-mail.”

    Me: “Nice.”

    Donna: “Nice?”

    Me: “Not nice?”

    Donna: “I like e-mail.”

    Me: “I like e-mail, too.”

    Donna: “You don’t have it?”

    Me: “I do.”

    Donna: “I like e-mail.”

    Me: *biting lower lip, uncertain what to say or do*

    Donna: “I like e-mail.”

    Me: *glancing at the clock on the wall*

    Donna: “I like to have e-mail.”

    Me: “I like having e-mail, too, and I check it all the time.”

    Donna: “Can I have it? I like to have e-mail.”

    Related:
    The Art Of Ambiguity

    PEBCAK, Episode II

    | Austin, TX, USA |

    (We get a LOT of calls like this.)

    Him: “I locked myself out of my computer, and I can’t get in and I need to get in! My password doesn’t work!”

    Me: “Okay, we can do a password reset for you.”

    Him: “This is really important, I need to be able to log in!”

    Me: “Okay, sir, no problem. Can you just verify your login ID for me?”

    Him: *verifies*

    Me: “Okay, great. Now can you verify that your Caps Lock is not on?”

    Him: “What? That’s stupid, why would I…oh.” *silence*

    Me: “Sir?”

    Him: “…it just worked all of a sudden, thanks.”

    Me: “…”

    Related:
    Problem Exists Between Chair And Keyboard

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