Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Retort Against Those Who Extort
    (1,690 thumbs up)
  • September Theme Of The Month: Return Of The Geeks!
    Submit your story today!

    Military Intelligence, Part 2

    | Huntsville, AL, USA |

    (We had a notice from one of the Nevada affiliates that Las Vegas residents would be suffering from a network outage due to a problem with their broadcasting equipment.)

    Customer: “I think someone is standing next to your satellite with a ham radio. You need to run out and get them to stop.”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, but that’s not the problem–”

    Customer: “I will have you know, son, I am a Gunnery Sergeant. I’ve worked with Hand Operated Radios for years and I’m telling you RIGHT NOW…there is someone standing next to your satellite with a d*** radio and it’s interfering with my signal. I demand you to get out there and tell them to stop.”

    Me: “Far be it from me to ever argue with my clients, but I will have to at this time. I understand that you’re a Gunny Sergeant and that you’ve operated HAM radios for years, but I know my satellite equipment, and it’s not possible for someone to be standing next to my satellite with a radio.”

    Customer: “Oh? Really, smart man? Why is that?”

    Me: “Because our satellites are in outer space. Furthermore Las Vegas has an outage going on due to a technical issue with their broadcasting equipment.”

    Customer: “Oh. Okay.”

    *click*

    Related:
    Military Intelligence

    A Simple Go To H*ll Would Have Sufficed

    | Stillwater, OK, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling *** Direct Sales. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “I need a power cord for my product.”

    Me: “I would be happy to place your order. I just need you to read me the three numbers from the front of the product.”

    Caller: “Talk to my wife, I can’t read…”

    (In the background, I overhear the following…)

    Caller: “Get on the phone!”

    Caller’s wife: “You are Satan! When spiritual warfare happens, I will have more angels on my side because you are evil and no one loves you!”

    (The wife then comes on the phone and very calmly gives me the number, her address, credit card info and then hangs up.)

    Related:
    A Simple Hello Would Have Sufficed

    At Least She Was Honest

    | Salt Lake City, UT, USA |

    (I get a service call to go out to a customer’s house to service a malfunctioning laptop. I was talking to my boss and he gave me the run down of the call.)

    Me: “Alright, so what exactly does the customer want?”

    Supervisor: “She says her laptop isn’t turning on, and there might be something wrong with her LCD screen.”

    Me: “Ok, sounds like a hardware problem. Did she tell you why all this is going on?”

    Supervisor: “Well…she was completely honest with me.”

    Me: “?”

    Supervisor: “She got angry and threw it against a concrete wall in a fit of rage.”

    Me: “…I’ll take care of it.”

    If Nincompoop, Then Infinite Loop

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada | Top

    (I was walking a customer through setting up a fairly complex product.)

    Customer: “Next or back?”

    Me: “Next.”

    Customer: “Okay, now next or back?”

    Me: “We do not need to change any of the default settings, so we will be hitting next on the next 7 or 8 screens in a row. Let me know when another option other then next or back appears.”

    Customer: *obviously not getting it* “Okay, now do I hit next or back?”

    Me: “Hit next, and also hit next on the following 5 or 6 pages until there is no more next button.”

    Customer: “Okay, I clicked next. Now do I hit next or back?”

    (At this point I am going insane and decide to have a little fun.)

    Me: “Click back.”

    Customer: “Okay, now next or back?”

    Me: “Click next.”

    Customer: “Okay, next or back?”

    Me: “Click back.”

    Customer: “Okay, next or back?”

    Me: “Click next.”

    Customer: “Okay, next or back?”

    Me: “Click back.”

    (This goes on for a few minutes until the customer realises what’s going on. Or so I thought…)

    Customer: “I think it’s broken, it keeps looping through the same pages!”

    Step One: Stay Away From The Computer

    | United Kingdom |

    (I’m meeting a client’s boss face to face, after only contact via email thus far.)

    Client’s Boss: “So you are the guy sending technical emails to one of my teams!”

    Me: “Sorry, I don’t follow.”

    Client’s Boss: “You sent a bunch of emails filled with technical jargon when all they wanted was some help with their system.”

    Me: “It wasn’t technical, it was just a step by step guide on how to zip a file and send it via email. I checked it with my colleagues to make sure it was easy to understand.”

    Client’s Boss: “But the team wanted to save space on their server, not do programming. You have to understand that many of them are older and don’t understand how to use computers!”

    (So they don’t know how to use computers, and yet they use them everyday…scary.)

    Page 79/89First...7778798081...Last