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    Why Catch-22 Needs To Be Required Reading

    | California, USA | Top

    Customer: “I bought a computer from you guys not 3 weeks ago, and my internet isn’t working.”

    Me: “Well the computer itself seems to be operating perfectly…”

    Customer: “It is NOT working perfectly. I cannot get on the internet. ”

    Me: “I understand that; I just mean while the internet itself isn’t working, your computer is functioning properly.”

    Customer: “My computer is worthless without internet.”

    (Company policy is to direct her to her ISP for further assistance. So I try to get that info from her so I can give her a proper phone number.)

    Customer: “Why don’t you just fix it?”

    Me: “I’ve run out of things we can try.”

    Customer: “What is the ISP going to do?”

    Me: “They’ll walk you through a few things or at least tell you if there is an outage or other problems in your area.”

    Customer: “I bought this computer from YOU and YOU should be the ones fixing it.”

    Me: “It’s not the computer, it’s the internet. Unfortunately we’re not your internet provider. There’s really nothing more I can do for you.”

    Customer: “How much do you charge for internet?”

    Me: “We do not sell internet.”

    Customer: “Than who do I buy my internet from?”

    Me: “I don’t know. Verizon, perhaps?”

    Customer: “I suppose I should order some internet.”

    Me: “…you haven’t even signed up for it yet!?”

    Customer: “I wanted to do it on the internet.”

    Me: *head explodes*

    File>Open>Yard, Highlight Grass, Ctrl-X

    | Louisville, KY, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling tech support, this is Meagan. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Come mow my lawn!”

    Me: “Excuse me, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I said come mow my lawn!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, this is tech support. Are you having trouble with your cable TV or internet?”

    Customer: “I know who this is! I want you to mow my lawn! In the rain! I pay y’all enough every month, so you better come mow it!” *click*

    Me: “…”

    Is That An Ethernet Cable In Your Pocket…

    | Israel |

    (Talking to a female customer…)

    Me: “Do you see the ‘Local Area Connection’ icon?”

    Customer: “Yes, I see your ‘Local Erection’.”

    Glad To Be Of Service

    | Netherlands |

    (Via Live Messenger Service.)

    CLIENT: I want DDR3 memory

    ME: I don’t think you should get DDR3 memory yet because the price doesn’t warrant the slight increase in speed yet, and it is bottlenecked by your CPU

    CLIENT: But it is fast!

    ME: Yes but your CPU is not fast enough and by the time CPUs with a proper so-called FSB are on the mainstream market DDR3 will be much cheaper

    CLIENT: But it is fast!

    ME: indeed sir, it is, but you won’t notice the different with DDR2 in your setup

    CLIENT: BUT IT IS FAST!

    ME: quick, read this:

    http://notalwaysright.com/stupidity-is-the-mother…

    CLIENT: lol what an idiot

    ME: yes, well that’s how much sense you are making to me right now

    Good, Because Ms. BSOD Gets Really Cranky

    | Ohio, USA |

    Tech Support: “What software are you using to backup?

    Customer: “Ms. Dos.”

    (The customer spoke like it was a person, like Mr. Dos or Mrs. Dos.)

    Tech Support: “What, are you just copying the files with the xcopy or copy command?”

    Customer: “Oh, no. I use Ms. Backup for that!”

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