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    It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 3

    | Tech Support |

    Me: “Thank you for calling ***, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I want to get on the Internet.”

    Me: “Alright, are you interested in dialup or DSL?”

    Customer: “Whoa, whoa, whoa! You’re speaking Greek to me!”

    Related:
    It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 2
    It’s Gonna Be A Long Call

    Because “Free” Is One Letter Away From “Fee”

    | Virginia, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling tech support. May I help you?”

    Customer: “How do you fix Debian?”

    Me: “Depends on what the problem is. What are some of the issues you’re having?”

    Customer: “I paid $700 for it! It should work PERFECTLY!”

    Me: “Ma’am, Debian is free. If you paid $700 for it, all that means is that you’re an idiot.”

    Customer: “Really?”

    Me: “Yep. Anything else I can do for you?”

    Customer: *click*

    It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 2

    , | Prince Edward Island, Canada |

    Me: “Thank you for calling *****. What is the issue you’re calling about?”

    Customer: “I can’t get wi-fi on my phone!!!”

    Me: “Okay, what does the phone say when you try to connect?”

    Customer: “It asks me for a password, but I don’t know the password!”

    Me: “Ma’am, it’s the password you set when you first got your router.”

    Customer: “Router? What the heck is a router?”

    Me: “It’s the little box you have connected to your internet to enable wi-fi.”

    Customer: “Why the heck would I have internet? I don’t even own a computer!”

    Me: *sigh*

    Related:
    It’s Gonna Be A Long Call

    Bang Head Here

    | London, UK | Top

    Me: “Hello, technical support, how can I help?”

    Customer: “I don’t know what’s wrong with my computer. Can you tell me?”

    Me: “Well… can you explain what’s wrong?”

    Customer: “Your job is to tell me what’s wrong.”

    Me: “Yes, but unless you help me I can’t tell you what is wrong.”

    Customer: “Why? Can’t you guess what’s wrong?”

    (I have decided a this point whatever is wrong will be something stupid.)

    Me: “Okay, maybe you can’t turn your computer on because it hasn’t got any power.”

    Customer: *angrily* “DO YOU THINK I’M STUPID?”

    (Suddenly, the customer calms down.)

    Customer: “Sorry, you were wrong. It’s plugged in and the light is green. Can you guess what’s wrong? It’s still black on the screen.”

    Me: “Well, is your screen on?”

    Customer: “Yes, I just said it was. It’s just black!”

    Me: “Right click.”

    Customer: “Hey, it worked… oh, it was a screensaver. Couldn’t you have guessed it was that at the start?”

    Me: *thud thud thud*

    Customer: “What was that?”

    Me: “Guess.”

    One Gets You High Speed, The Other Just Gets You High

    | Iceland |

    Coworker: “Tech support, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I need LSD for my son. You have that, right?”

    Coworker: “Uh?”

    Customer: “You know, that high speed internet thing…”

    Coworker: *trying not to laugh* “You mean DSL?”

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