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    Gotta Love Those Magic Dongles

    | Oslo, Norway |

    Me: “Welcome to the IT service desk. You’re talking to ******. How may I help you today?”

    User: “I can’t log on to VPN.”

    Me: “OK, how does the problem manifest itself?”

    User: “I get a wrong user name or password error.”

    Me: “Right. What’s the serial number of your VPN dongle?”

    User: “Well, it keeps changing.”

    Me: “…”

    Land Of The Free, Home Of The Unobservant

    | Sunnyvale, CA, USA |

    Customer: “I lost my CD key and I need a new one.”

    Me: “I’m sorry about that, sir. In order for me to provide you with a replacement key, I need you to email me a picture of the CD as proof of ownership.”

    Customer: “What? But I only need a CD key. I paid for it last week!”

    Me: “I’m very sorry, sir, but due to piracy issues, I have to get proof that you own an original copy of the CD or anyone could call and claim they bought the game, yet have an illegal copy.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! I paid forty f***ing dollars for this game and I need a CD key for it?”

    Me: “I can provide you with a key if you will simply email me a picture of your CD.”

    Customer: “No! This is America! If I say I paid for it, you should trust me! I’m going to report your company to the Attorney General! You ripped me off and won’t provide me with the product I paid for!”

    Me: “Sir–”

    Customer: “Oh, wait… the CD key is here on the plastic case.” *hangs up*

    Why Catch-22 Needs To Be Required Reading

    | California, USA | Top

    Customer: “I bought a computer from you guys not 3 weeks ago, and my internet isn’t working.”

    Me: “Well the computer itself seems to be operating perfectly…”

    Customer: “It is NOT working perfectly. I cannot get on the internet. ”

    Me: “I understand that; I just mean while the internet itself isn’t working, your computer is functioning properly.”

    Customer: “My computer is worthless without internet.”

    (Company policy is to direct her to her ISP for further assistance. So I try to get that info from her so I can give her a proper phone number.)

    Customer: “Why don’t you just fix it?”

    Me: “I’ve run out of things we can try.”

    Customer: “What is the ISP going to do?”

    Me: “They’ll walk you through a few things or at least tell you if there is an outage or other problems in your area.”

    Customer: “I bought this computer from YOU and YOU should be the ones fixing it.”

    Me: “It’s not the computer, it’s the internet. Unfortunately we’re not your internet provider. There’s really nothing more I can do for you.”

    Customer: “How much do you charge for internet?”

    Me: “We do not sell internet.”

    Customer: “Than who do I buy my internet from?”

    Me: “I don’t know. Verizon, perhaps?”

    Customer: “I suppose I should order some internet.”

    Me: “…you haven’t even signed up for it yet!?”

    Customer: “I wanted to do it on the internet.”

    Me: *head explodes*

    File>Open>Yard, Highlight Grass, Ctrl-X

    | Louisville, KY, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling tech support, this is Meagan. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Come mow my lawn!”

    Me: “Excuse me, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I said come mow my lawn!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, this is tech support. Are you having trouble with your cable TV or internet?”

    Customer: “I know who this is! I want you to mow my lawn! In the rain! I pay y’all enough every month, so you better come mow it!” *click*

    Me: “…”

    Is That An Ethernet Cable In Your Pocket…

    | Israel |

    (Talking to a female customer…)

    Me: “Do you see the ‘Local Area Connection’ icon?”

    Customer: “Yes, I see your ‘Local Erection’.”


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