November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

The Danger With Rhetorical Questions

| Dallas, TX, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling ******, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I am in the back office and someone told me that we were supposed to be able to use wireless keyboards, so I cut the cable.”

Me: “You… cut the cable?”

Customer: “Yes, and now it doesn’t work.”

Me: “You cut the cable on your keyboard, and now it doesn’t work?”

Customer: “Yes”

Me: “You’re going to have to buy a new keyboard.”

Customer: “Why? I was told we could use wireless keyboards.”

Me: “That is not a wireless keyboard.”

Customer: “Yes it is.”

Me: “Just because you cut the cord does not make it wireless.”

Customer: “Can’t you just make it work?”

Me: “Does your phone have a cable?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “If you cut it, do you think your phone will work?”

Customer: *line disconnects after 20 seconds of silence*

Next Up: Watching Paint Dry

| Sudbury, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

Me: “Welcome to *** tech support. How can I help you this morning?”

Caller: “I keep getting pop-ups to update my computer, but I don’t have internet. I don’t want internet.”

Me: “Alright. I can show you how to turn off the notifications.” *shows customer*

Caller: “Thanks. Now, how do I know if my computer is working?”

Me: “Do you see any error messages?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “Okay, let’s test it out. Can you open a program for me?”

Caller: ¬†”Um, I don’t know how to do that.”

Me: “So, you don’t use the computer to play music, games, or to use the word processor?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “What do you use your computer for?”

Caller: “Well, I just watch it to see what it does.”

Me: “Oh… is it doing anything right now?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “Then thank you for calling **** tech support. Have a good morning.” *click*

Whoaaahh, Am I Moving The Mouse Or Is It Moving Me

| Phoenix, AZ, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Okay, so what seems to be the problem?”

Caller: “Well, it’s my son’s computer, it’s… smoking.”

Me: “It’s smoking? Is it making a loud beeping sound or is it hot? Anything else that would indicate that it’s on fire?”

Caller: “No! It’s not hot or anything. In fact, it seems to work just fine, but after it being on for about two or three minutes it starts to smoke.”

Me: “Okay… well, shut the machine down, unplug it, and then hold down the power button for about ten seconds.”

Caller: “Ok. Got it. Now what?”

Me: “Ok, open the case and take a look inside. Does anything look melted or cracked or–”

Caller: “Oh…”

Me: “You found the problem?”

Caller: *angry* “Oooh yeah. There’s… uh… there’s a little plastic bag taped to the inside of the case… full of dried green stuff.”

Me: *trying not to laugh*

Caller: “Thanks for your help. I need to go have a talk with my son.” *click*

Problem Is Too Stupid To Recognize It Exists

| Perth, WA, Australia | Uncategorized

Caller: “Hi, I want to use my roommate’s computer but it’s not working.”

Me: “Could you describe the problem?”

Caller: “Well, there’s a sign next to it that says ‘In case of error, PEBCAK.’ Could you explain it?”

Me: *tries not to laugh* “It’s short for ‘Problem Exists Between Chair And Keyboard’.”

Caller: “Oh! I get it! Hold on…”

(I hear a loud cracking sound and some faint swearing.)

Caller: “It’s still not working!”

Me: “Er… what did you do?”

Caller: “I took away the wooden bit under the keyboard… now it’s right over the chair!”

(I actually head-desked after that.)

And We Wonder Who Clicks On Spam, Part 2

, | Indiana, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling tech support, may I have your university user name?”

Caller: “What’s a user’s name?”

Me: “Oh… well, how are you affiliated with [university]?

Caller: “It’s what came up on my screen.”

Me: “Okay… well, I’m sorry, but this help desk is only for students, staff, and faculty of our university.”

Caller: “But the page said to call!”

Me: “Yes. If you’re in any way affiliated with us we’d be happy to help you, but this service is for students, staff, and faculty.

Caller: “But it didn’t say that, it just said to call!”

Me: “Well, I apologize, but you can’t just call any number on the internet and expect support!”

Caller: “Well, why not?!” *hangs up*

And We Wonder Who Clicks On Spam…