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    Not Quite The Car’s Meow

    | Bakersfield, CA, USA | Uncategorized

    (I work for an online traffic school and for some of the counties, we need them to put answers to security questions.

    Me: “Hi, this is ***, how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hey, it says that I missed a security question and that I need to call this number to continue.”

    Me: “Okay, what question did you miss?”

    Caller: “I missed what is my favorite animal.”

    (I get his personal information and look up his answer.)

    Me: “Sir, the answer we have here says ‘Pussy’. You are aware that this is also the same answer you have for… your favorite food?”

    Caller: *click*

    Thank God For Better Halves

    | Calgary, AB, Canada | Uncategorized

    (An older customer calls in for tech support with his satellite receiver.)

    Me: “Okay, your signal strength is pretty good.”

    Customer: “Right.”

    Me: “Let’s just verify all your channels are coming in.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    Me: “Can you please put it on channel 400?”

    Customer: “No problem, hold on.” *dials 4-0-0 into the telephone*

    Customer’s wife: “Give me that!”

    (She gets control of the phone.)

    Customer’s wife: *laughing* “So sorry, he’s such an idiot!”

    Take A Guess Who The Better Half Is

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.

    Step 35c: Ask Customer To Reboot Dumbo

    | Arkansas, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Hey, all the computers in the store are down.”

    Me: “Yep, I can’t ping your servers or anything. Are you in the computer room?”

    Customer: “Yep.”

    Me: “What’s on your console?”

    Customer: “Hang on, let me get a flash light.”

    Me: “A flashlight? Why do you need a flash light?”

    Customer: “We’re in the middle of a power outage.”

    Me: “Umm… sir, the computers won’t work without power.”

    Customer: “Are you sure? They fixed it last time.”

    Me: “Pretty sure… I’ve been doing this a while. How did you lose power?”

    Customer: “An elephant stepped on the transformer.”

    Me: “An… elephant?”

    Customer: “We’re having a parking lot carnival, and an elephant got away from the handler.”

    Me: “Ah yes, I should have known… those pesky elephants always causing us these problems.”

    Customer: “What? Really?”

    Me: “Yeah… call us back when you get your power restored.”

    And They Say Time Travel Is Impossible

    | Brookings, OR, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer:¬†”How much longer is your department open today?”

    Me: “Two hours.”

    Customer: “Oh… uhm, you on Mountain Time, then?”

    Me: “No, we’re on Pacific.”

    Customer: “I’m in Mountain time, so in reality, you’re only there another hour.”

    Me: “Sir, seriously, we’re here another two hours regardless of what time zone you’re in.”

    It’s All Downhill From Here

    | London, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

    (I’m making small talk with a customer while waiting for his computer to boot up. This is after talking about the weather in his area. The following takes place without missing a beat.)

    Me: “Yeah, well, I have a friend from Indiana.”

    Customer: “Really? Where did you meet him?”

    Me: “Actually, it’s a her.”

    Customer: “Oh, lucky guy!”

    Me: “I met her through her husband.”

    Customer: “Oh, not so lucky.”

    Me: “He’s my supervisor.”

    Customer: “Ouch.”

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