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She Should Be Made To Stand Facing The Wall For A Bit

, , , , , , , , | Working | July 15, 2022

During the [health crisis] lockdown, we had a lot of people working remotely, but not everyone. In the first few weeks, we had an issue with individuals freelancing in the building and using random desks either to chase the air-conditioning which turns off in certain areas after hours, or just for “a change of scenery” as the weather changed.

Our CEO had correctly assumed that [health crisis] mandates would drag on for an extended period of time, so all of these desks were packed out and cleared, but the computers of people working remotely couldn’t be touched. If someone logged into one of these PCs, the remote user would get booted out.

Solving this issue was simple; we turned the monitors around at the desks that we didn’t want people to use and made some announcements about it.

Fast forward about two and a half thousand years to the end of the mandates. The building is filling up again and IT support tickets are flying into the office for us to handle as everyone returns to physical work. I receive one from our audit department and call the extension.

Me: “Hello? [Employee]?”

Employee: “Yes! Hi!”

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name] from the IT services division. We received a ticket about your computer not working?”

Employee: “Yes! I turned it on, but it’s just a black screen that says, ‘Dell’.”

Me: “Hmmm, so the monitors are working?”

Employee: “Yes.”

I troubleshoot with this individual for about forty-five minutes. She starts to get angrier and angrier and more and more frustrated with each moment we are working. Eventually, she starts yelling at us, throwing around her title as the department manager, and questioning our competency. I go up to her desk physically to see if I can get anything from a visual perspective since I am able to remotely log into her machine and move freely around the desktop.

When I arrive, she’s sitting at her desk steaming. As an added petty move, she had even turned the monitors back around to face the wall.

Employee: “Finally!”

Me: “Move!”

Employee: “Excuse me?!”

Me: “MOVE!”

Something changes in her face. I think it is at this point that she might realize that she has pushed too far. She moves out of the way and I grab the monitors and spin them back around. The desktop is displaying normally.

Me: “So, what’s the problem?”

Employee:Oh! They were turned around?”

That is it; that is the last straw. I give her back every single bit of yelling and grief that she has burdened us with over the phone for the last hour, drawing the attention of her employees. I lay out exactly why she has no business calling anyone incompetent when she can’t tell the back of a computer monitor from the front and inform her that I will be filing a report with Human Resources for her abuse of my staff due to her stupidity. I also invite her to file a report against me if she wants and storm out of the office, slamming the door to the department so hard that the small window inset into it shatters.

Fast forward two weeks.

I am sitting in Human Resources, having just come back from a mandated vacation due to the incident. The HR representative walks in.

Representative: “I’ll get right to it.”

I am fully expecting to get fired at this point.

Representative: “The main office has accepted your offer to pay for the glass due to your insistence on doing so; it came up to around $230.”

Me: “That’s cheap, actually.”

Representative: “Hmmm, yes, well, the glass is meant to be replaced.”

Me: “I see.”

Representative:  “We reviewed the recorded call between you and [Employee] and determined that, while your outburst in Audit was completely outside of our code of conduct, the main office decided that it was… not acceptable, but understandable due to [Employee]’s racist comments and the demeaning nature in the call.”

Me: “Racist?”

Representative: “Yes. The fact that you maintained your professionalism while she was throwing around phrases I cannot repeat was nothing short of amazing.”

Was I so tied up in the computer issue that I missed this? I don’t recall hearing anything that could have been considered racism.

Representative: “So, it has been decided that you are free to return to work. The pay for the last two weeks is yours to keep; we’re going to change the status on record to ‘administrative leave.’ However, we need to insist that you do not have a repeat incident. You have an entire team under your control. If you are feeling hot under the collar, please utilize them instead of dispatching to calls yourself. That being said, you will be serving a month of probation because we can’t outright ignore what happened in Audit. We’ll set your start date for Monday at 8:00 am; you can slide right back into the schedule.”

Me: “Understandable. What about [Employee]?”

Representative: “I can’t discuss the punishments and actions taken against former employees.”

Me: “Oh, of— ‘Former’?”

The representative smiles but does not make eye contact with me as she straightens her paperwork and stands up.

Representative: “Policies, you know.”

Without another word, she walked out of the room.


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A Serial Complainer

, , | Right | June 28, 2022

I was working as an agent for a computer helpdesk for one brand of computers that were only sold by a chain of supermarkets.

Me: “Good evening, [Brand] service desk how can I help you?”

Customer: *Very aggressively.* “I have problems with my computer and you’re going to help me.”

Me: “Before we continue, I need the serial number of your computer.”

Customer: *Sighs.* “No, because I don’t know it. Now my problem is [problem that needs warranty, therefore a serial number].”

Me: “Sorry, sir, I do need the serial number or I can’t help you.”

Customer: *Angry.* “I told you, I don’t know it.”

Me: “I need the serial number because it tells me what machine you have and if it’s still under warranty.”

Customer: *Angrier.* “You don’t need the serial number for my problem.”

Me: “I do need the serial number and I’m going to make this easy for you. Either you tell me the serial number or I’m going to end this call. The serial number of your PC is engraved on the front panel.”

Customer: “I will file a complaint about you if you hang up on me.”

Me: “This call is recorded, my manager will hear me asking several times for the serial number and he’ll hear you refusing to let me know. Guess what will happen to your complaint… Now for the last time, may I have the serial number?”

Customer: “Okay, the serial number is [number].”

Me: “Thank you. According to the number you just gave me, your computer is out of warranty and I’m not at liberty to help you.”

Customer: *Furious.* “That’s not right! I bought that computer three days ago!”

I know that this supermarket never stocks computers for five years. The customer must have bought it somewhere else.

Me: “This PC is five years old. If you bought it three days ago from [Supermarket] you can return it and get all of your money back.”

Customer: “I didn’t buy it from [Supermarket], I bought it from my neighbor for €650.”

Me: “Sir, those computers were sold for €650 five years ago. Today you can pick them up at a goodwill or thrift store for less than €50.”

Customer: “You’re an idiot. My neighbor has a computer store and he gave me a special price.”

Me: “I hope that that special price included unlimited support, because we cannot help you.”

My manager told me that the guy did file a complaint and demanded support but that was dismissed because I followed company policy and his computer was out of warranty.

This Is Why You Record Stuff And PRETEND It’s Live

, , , , | Right | June 25, 2022

I used to work in tech support for a satellite television company during the time that DVRs were first coming into widespread use. I once got an angry phone call from a customer.

Customer: “The fast-forward feature isn’t working on my new DVR!”

After troubleshooting for a little bit, I learned that she was not trying to fast-forward through the commercials of a show that she had recorded on her DVR but rather was trying to fast-forward through the commercials of a live television show.

I then got to explain to her that her new DVR was a recording device, not a time-travel device.

Me: “You can fast-forward through the commercials of programs that you’ve already recorded on your DVR, but you cannot time-travel and fast-forward through commercials that have not even aired yet.”

Are You Sure You Even Know What A Computer Is?

, , , , | Right | June 24, 2022

Me: “Okay, let’s start by opening your web browser.”

Client: “Web browser?”

Me: “The little E with the swoop — Internet Explorer. Or Firefox, or Chrome, or—”

Client: “I got it, I got it. Now what?”

Me: “Now click in the address bar.”

Client: “Wait, what?”

Me: “The address bar is—”

Client: “No, what do you mean, ‘click’?”

Not Remotely Paying Attention

, , , , , | Right | June 22, 2022

User: “Can you remote in and authorize an update to my software?”

Me: “Yeah, sure, you want me to do that now?”

User: “Um, have a meeting in two minutes. I’ll text you after.”

Me: “Okay, no problem.”

Two hours later:

User: “I’m ready now. Go for it.”

Me: *In someone else’s computer already* “Oh, okay, hang on a sec.”

I remote into her computer also.

Me: “Okay, just start your installation and I’ll enter admin credentials when it asks.”

The user starts the update, downloading… popup for admin credentials… She CLOSES IT. She gets an error. She tries again, gets the admin credentials popup… and CLOSES IT AGAIN.

Me: “Why did you close that; I was about to put in the credentials!”

User: “Oh… I didn’t know you were in.”