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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    A Simple Solution Is Just The Ticket

    | Red Bluff, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Customer: *calling my office phone* “My scanner hasn’t worked for two weeks! Why haven’t you fixed it yet?”

    (I glance at my computer, checking my tickets. Nothing in this person’s name.)

    Me: “Have you called a ticket in? What is the ticket number?”

    Customer: “I don’t have time for that!”

    Me: “Well, luckily, I have a gap between appointments and can come over to look at it now.”

    (I head over.)

    Customer: “See? Nothing.”

    Me: “How long has it been unplugged?”

    Bust A Gut Laughing

    | OK, USA | Language & Words, Technology

    (I do a lot of support for products I sell online via direct chat in text. Often google translate is used by customers. Unfortunately, my customer doesn’t know I speak Spanish and begins to rely on the translator. Please note that ‘tenía’ is past tense for ‘I have’ and ‘tenia’ means ‘tapeworm.’)

    Me. “Ah, it appears that you unlinked the product. That’s okay; I’ll send you a new one.”

    Customer: “Ah, tapeworm is my culpa!”

    (My friends and I now use that for ‘my bad.’)

    Fixed With A Male-To-Female Adaptor

    | ON, Canada | Bigotry, Technology

    (I work tech support at an inbound call center for a fairly large ISP. A lot of customers get transferred by sales agents when they select the wrong option. I’m female.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can we help you?”

    Elderly Caller: “Oh, hello, dear. I’m just waiting for a tech support man.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. I’m tech support! How can I help?”

    Elderly Caller: “Oh no, no, honey. I’m sure there will be a tech support man along to help me shortly. I don’t mind waiting on hold.”

    (After a few minutes of attempting to get her information and assuring I can help, I finally resolve the issue and we say goodbye. A few hours later I get an email from a coworker who had spoken to the same woman. He transcribed a message she insisted get to me that read as follows:)

    Message: “Please tell [my Name] that she fixed all the problems I had and I didn’t mean to be rude. I didn’t even know women were allowed to work tech support so it’s not my fault!”

    Their Intelligence Is Capped

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Customer: “Your password isn’t working on this computer!”

    Me: “Really? That’s weird. Everyone else seems to have logged in just fine.”

    Customer: “Well, it’s not working for me and I need you to fix it.”

    Me: “All right. I’ll see what I can do.”

    (I walk over to my computer and double check to make sure I have the password right when it comes to me what the problem is.)

    Customer: “Well?”

    (I glance at his keyboard and sure enough, caps lock has been turned on. I press the caps lock key and start walking back to my desk.)

    Customer: “Oh…”

    Tech Support’s Biggest Fan

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work in IT, supporting other employees at my company. I have received a ticket from one user complaining that his computer fan has completely jammed, and has stopped working entirely. As this is a pretty serious problem, I hurry over. When I get to his desk I see that his computer is on and the fan is running, although noisily.)

    Me: “Oh, your computer’s fan isn’t jammed. It’s just running with a little more difficulty than usual. It probably needs to be cleaned.”

    User: “What? How can you know that? You haven’t even opened up the computer to look.”

    Me: “Well, if your computer’s fan had really stopped working entirely, your computer might be on fire.”

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