I worked for a company that sold domain names. Despite having multiple different wordings on our site explaining this, I would get one of these kinds of calls every day.

Caller: “Yeah, I bought a domain name from you guys.”

Me: “Thank you, sir. What issues were you having with it?”

Caller: “Well, I type my address and there’s no website.”

Me: “Have you linked your site to the domain name yet?”

Caller: “What is that supposed to mean? Where the h*** is my website?”

Me: “We don’t make the website for you, sir. We just sell you the website name.”

Caller: “That’s bulls***! I paid for my website. Where is it?”

Me: “You need to either make the website yourself or pay a web designer to make it for you, sir.”

Caller: “So, I just paid all that money, and I don’t get a website?”

Me: “Sir, you paid us $4.99. You can’t expect someone to make a website for that little money.”

Caller: “I wouldn’t have bothered with this website bulls*** if I’d known I had to do it myself! You’re all crooks!” *Click*

Caller: “I’ve forgotten my password.”

Me: “No worries. We can reset that for you.”

We go through the security and reset process.

Me: “Okay, we have a selection of security questions you can choose, like, ‘What is your favorite sports team?’ or, ‘What town were you born in?’”

Caller: “Hmm, I don’t like those. Can I make my own?”

Me: “Of course.”

Caller: “I want my question to be, ‘What is today’s date?’”

Me: “I… I can certainly set that up for you, sir, but I would recommend something else.”

Caller: “No, I will remember it. Please make that my security question.”

After one more suggestion to try something else, we go ahead and make the change. I am not allowed to suggest or know the answer to the security question, so I can’t make any more comments. I leave some notes in his account for the next person he calls with an issue.

I am told he actually did call back the next day. His complaint?

Caller: “My answer to the security question isn’t working! It was working fine yesterday!”

I worked at an investment company, but when one of their subsidiaries needed me full-time, I was transferred there. That was no problem as it was better for me to be able to focus 100% on a project with reasonable deadlines. After a few months, the parent company decided to sell the subsidiary.

It has now been over a year since the sale, which brings us to today’s email discussion.

Parent Company: “Hello! We need help developing an IT solution for our new holding, [product].”

Me: “Hi! I would love to help you, but unfortunately, I don’t have the time as I am busy with my current job. I wish you the best of luck with [product].”

Parent Company: “What do you say? I’m your boss! We need to resolve this ASAP!”

Me: “I am no longer employed by you, as I was moved down to the subsidiary, where I am now employed. But since I worked for you for six years, I can produce a quote, so I can help you outside of my current working hours while you look for a person who can take over the project.”

Parent Company: “I don’t know what to call this… We can’t go on like this. We have to help each other. It’s not okay that if I ask you for a favor, you want to start sending invoices. We must help each other!”

Me: “I do know that what you’re trying to make me do is called slavery. That is, work without pay, which I agree is not okay. No, thanks.”

I support the faculty at a major university. I am upgrading a professor’s laptop from OS X 10.6 to 10.7.

Professor: “I’m very excited to use the new OS!”

It’s rare to see someone so enthusiastic about a relatively minor upgrade, but I’m not about to discourage passion about tech!

As soon as it boots up, he immediately begins poking the screen with this finger. After a few seconds, he stops.

Professor: “Wait, doesn’t Lion have a touchscreen like an iPad?”

I’ve worked in IT almost my entire life. This takes place in the mid-1980s when I’m working at a computer store. I receive a phone call.

Me: “Hello, you are calling [Store], [My Name] speaking. How may I help you today?”

Man: “My computer won’t work. The screen is just blank.”

Me: “That’s strange. Can you te—”

The man cuts me off.

Man: “It works in ‘I’ mode, but not in ‘O’ mode.”

“I” mode and “O” mode?

Me: “If it works in ‘I’ mode, then just keep it there, sir.”

Man: “Thank you! You’ve been a huge help!”

The man hung up.

How did this dude not know that “I” stands for “on” and “O” stands for “off”?