The Lights Are Off, But Sadly Someone’s Home

| Kentucky, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, thank you for calling [cell phone company]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, my phone is frozen and I can’t seem to get it do anything.”

Me: “Seems like we need to do a soft reset. Take off the back cover and look for a little hole that says reset next to it.”

Customer: “I don’t see it.”

Me: “Okay, follow the line down to it that’s next to the battery.”

Customer: “I still can’t find it.”

(After 25 minutes and several failed attempts at trying to find the reset button…)

Customer: “Oh, wait a minute…I think I know why. The lights are off in here.”

Me: “The…lights are off?”

Customer: “Give me a few moments and I’ll walk to the next room.”

Belaboring The Points

| Springfield, MA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling ***, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, yes. I just got back from surgery and I can’t remember my email password.”

Me: “Sure, I’ll be glad to help. Let me pull up your account and we can reset your password.”

(We proceed with a very routine process of setting a new email password. About halfway through, she bursts out laughing.)

Customer: “I’m sorry. My coworkers just handed me a card congratulating me on the new twins. I guess you can tell what kind of surgery I had, huh?”

Me: “I gu–”

Customer: “I’ve got BOOBS!”

Power Struggle

| South Carolina, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer calls in complaining how his service is out.)

Me: “Are there lights on your modem?

Caller: “No.”

Me: “Can you check to see if the power cable is plugged in, or the power turned on?”

Caller: “I am standing knee-deep in water and you want me to check for a power cable?!”

(It turns out he had been calling from an area that had been hit by a hurricane.)

Cookie Cutter Response

| Perth, Australia | Uncategorized

Me: “Tech support, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Why are you holding my website to ransom?”

Me: “Sorry?”

Customer: “I pay you good money every month and now you’re holding my site to ransom to sell your cookies!”

Me: “Pardon me?”

Customer: “I went to my site and when I tried to add to cart, it came up saying I couldn’t until I bought some cookies! I never agreed to this and I’m going to sue!”

Me: “Sir, cookies is just a computing term. What you saw was the page explaining that you have cookies switched off and telling you how to turn them on.”

Customer: “Cookies! Blackberries! Well I don’t know these kind of technical things!”

You Are The Weakest Link

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Uncategorized

Me: “Tech support, how can I help you?”

Caller: “My [expletive] Internet is down, what’s wrong with you people?!”

Me: “Well, let’s find out ma’am. Do you mind troubleshooting a bit to find out what the problem is?”

Caller: *huge sigh* “Fine, but I’ve checked everything already.”

Me: “Okay. First, let’s look at your modem lights. Do you see the link light on?”

Caller: “No. No lights are on.”

Me: “Alright. Can you check the power cable to see if it’s plugged in?”

Caller: “I can’t see anything, the power is out.”

Me: “Well, that might be our problem then.”

Caller: “What the h*** are you talking about?! This is the exact reason I bought a laptop–for it to work when there is a power outage!”

Me: “Right, but where does your internet connection come from?”

Caller: “My phone line.”

Me: “Right, and where is that plugged into?”

Caller: “My modem.”

Me: “Right.”

(There’s a pretty lengthy pause, during which I swear I can hear the gears grinding in her head.)

Caller: “F***!” *click*

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