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    Sins Of The Father

    | Perth, Australia |

    Me: “How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I can’t do that thingy.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, What thingy?”

    Customer: “Emails. It keeps saying error 421. I never put that number in.”

    Me: “That’s an error number. Can you tell me what lights are flashing on the modem?”

    Customer: “What’s that?”

    Me: “It’s a small box with cables running into it. It will have a lot of lights flickering on it.”

    Customer: “The box with the blinky lights?”

    Me: “Yes, that should be it.”

    Customer: “Oh, I thought my son put that in here to annoy me, so I unplugged it!”

    Can’t See The Forest For The Airborne Trees

    , | Nashville, TN, USA | Top

    Me: “Thank you for calling [TV Company], how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, my TV is broken.”

    Me: “I’ll be glad to help you today. What is wrong with your TV?”

    Customer: “The picture keeps flashing on and off.”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am. Can I have you check the connections on the back of your TV to make sure everything is screwed in tightly?”

    Customer: “Well, the lights in my house are flashing on and off too. We’re in a tornado warning. Do you think that has something to do with it?”

    Now I (Don’t) Know My ABCs

    | USA |

    (I am assisting a customer in creating a dialup connection on his computer. We’re up to the part where he enters his password. We’ve entered a few letters, when we come to one that is a bit troublesome.)

    Me: “The next letter is ‘T’, as in Tom.”

    Customer: “Z?”

    Me: “‘T’, as in Tom.”

    Customer: “I’m not hearing that letter.”

    Me: “It’s a letter ‘T’ as in Thomas.”

    Customer: “P?”

    Me: “A letter ‘T’, as in Thomas, as in ‘taste’, as in…”

    Customer: “I’m still not hearing the letter.”

    Me: “Okay, the letter in the alphabet that comes after ‘S’ as in
    salamander.”

    (Customer pauses for about 5 seconds.)

    Customer: “L?”

    Phishing For Answers

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA |

    Me: “This is [company name].”

    Customer: “Hi, who’s this?”

    Me: “Are you calling for tech support?”

    Customer: “Oh, I guess it’s the wrong number. Well, what do you guys do?”

    Me: “We’re an online virtual conferencing company. We allow you to host meetings online with webcams and slideshows.”

    Customer: “Oh, that’s cool, anything else you do, other features?”

    Me: “We also have a feature that lets you remotely take control of another person’s computer, or show them your own.”

    Customer: “Oh really? That’s pretty awesome. So can you take control of anybody’s computer?”

    Me: “Yeah, as long as their system supports the software.”

    Customer: “So, can you do it without their permission…like, can you use it to hack into somebody’s computer with it?”

    Me: “No, guests must be attending the conference and give permission for this.”

    Customer: “Oh, I’m not interested then.” *click*

    On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 3

    | San Marcos, TX, USA |

    Me: “This is Internet tech support. What can I do for you?”

    Customer: “Uhm, yeah. I have a problem with my computer.”

    Me: “Okay, what seems to be the issue?”

    Customer: “There is a big vagina on the screen and I can’t get it off.”

    Me: “That would be an advanced support question. One moment while I transfer you…”

    Related:
    On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 2
    On The Need For Hazard Pay


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