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    Not Thinking Outside The Box

    | Atlanta, GA, USA |

    Caller: “I have a wireless printer, and it won’t install. It says print out of the box. What do I need to do?”

    Me: “Have you installed the printer onto you network?”

    Caller: “Well, it says print right out of the box so I thought that meant leave it in the box.”

    All Quiet On The Modern Front

    | Dallas, TX, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling tech support, how may I help you?”

    Caller: “My talk commands aren’t working on my computer.”

    Me: “Your speech commands? Well, tell me what’s the problem.”

    Caller: “I keep telling my computer to turn on, but it won’t.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but the speech commands only work if the computer is already on.”

    Caller: “Then what’s the point of them?”

    Me: “They make things easier once the computer is on.”

    Caller: “How do I get my computer on if it won’t listen?!”

    Me: “Just turn it on like normal.”

    Caller: “I don’t want to! That’s why I enabled the godd**n speech commands!” *click*

    Putting The Why In The Y-Chromosome

    | Breda, The Netherlands |

    (A man calls about his phone line that’s not working. After some checks, it’s clear that the fault is somewhere in our network.)

    Me: Alright sir, I’ll open up a support ticket and put it through to our engineers. They’ll fix it for you.”

    Male caller: “They oughta fix it soon, because my mother is very ill and in the hospital. I want to be able to be called by the doctors.”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. These problems are normally solved pretty quickly, but I’ll make a note of it so that our engineers will give it a higher priority.”

    Male caller: “You’d better do that!”

    (We end the call and I put the request through. When I check the ticket a day later, I see it has been solved about two hours after the initial call. As part of standard procedure I call the man back. This time, a lady answers the phone.)

    Me: “I’m calling you about the trouble you had regarding your phone line. Someone else called about this yesterday and I wanted to ask if everything was take care of well.”

    Female caller: “Oh, it must have been my son who called about that. Well, everything was solved, and pretty quick too.”

    Me: “Your son? I’m glad to hear you’re out of the hospital already.”

    Female caller: “In the hospital? What are you talking about?”

    Me: “Your son said you were very ill.”

    Female caller: “That liar! He told me he had a trick he uses to get problems like these. He does this all the time. I’ll make sure he won’t do this again!”

    Me: “Okay. Well, have a nice day then.”

    Female caller: “You too, and I’m sorry about my son. He just looks like his father, that’s all!”

    As Easy As (Bench) Pressing A Button

    | Norway, Oslo |

    (Note: We sell mobile terminals for warehouses and delivery firms.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Caller: “My terminal has gone into a freeze.”

    Me: “You can try restarting it.”

    Caller: “How do I do that?”

    Me: “You press and hold 1, 9 and the power button, and then you release.”

    Caller: *sound of terminal hitting the floor*

    What Happens In Vegas

    | San Antonio, TX, USA | Technology

    (A customer calls in, unable to connect to wireless internet. I have her navigate to the connection screen.)

    Me: “Okay, ma’am. Do you see the name of your wireless network in the list of available networks?”

    Customer: “I don’t know which one is mine.”

    (I proceed to authenticate the customer and provide the name of her network.)

    Customer: “No, I don’t see that listed.”

    Me: “It’s possible that your router glitched. I’m going to have you go ahead and power it down.”

    Customer: “What’s that?”

    Me: “It’s the main box that we install in your home when we set up service. It broadcasts the wireless signal. We’re going to reset it and see if your signal comes back.”

    Customer: “I can’t do that?”

    Me: “Is it out of reach?”

    Customer: “No, I’m at a friend’s house.”

    Me: “Ma’am, where are you located at right now?”

    Customer: “Las Vegas.”

    Me: And where is your router located?

    Customer: “Fort Worth…”

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