Featured Story:
  • Always Time For A Rhyme
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  • Signs That It Is Going To Be A Long Day/Week/Month

    | United Kingdom |

    Me: “How can I help?”

    Caller: “I can’t work out how to use your booking calendar. It’s very complicated.”

    Me: “Okay, so tell me if there’s any red text beneath the calendar?”

    Caller: “Yes there is. It says ‘click a start date to begin’.”

    Me: “Okay, so click the date you’d like your booking to start.”

    Caller: “Okay, done that. Now what?”

    Me: “Has the text changed to say ‘Please click an end date’?”

    Caller: “Yes.”

    Me: “So click the date you’d like your booking to end.”

    Caller: “Okay, I’ve got a price! That’s great, but isn’t that rather complicated?”

    Me: “How do you mean?”

    Caller: “Well, why doesn’t it know the dates I want already?”

    When Right Can Be Wrong

    | Lindon, UT, USA |

    Me: “Sir, go ahead and right click on the icon. Now do you see that menu that appears when you right click?”

    Customer: “Nothing happened.”

    Me: “That’s alright. If you double click on the icon, does it open up the file?”

    Customer: “Yeah, it opens it up. Just nothing happens when I right click.”

    Me: “Ok, have you had any issues with right clicking before?”

    Customer: “No, the mouse always clicks and opens whatever I click it on.”

    Me: “Ok, try right clicking on the icon again.”

    Customer: “It’s still doing nothing.”

    Me: “Is your mouse cursor on the icon?”

    Customer: “Yeah, but if I move it any further to the right, it won’t be on the icon anymore.”

    The Art Of Browsing Without A Browser

    | United Kingdom |

    Me: “Hello, you’re through to [Broadband Company]. How can I help?”

    Customer: “I’m a new customer and I’d like some help with setting up my router. I can’t get the broadband to work.”

    Me: “Of course I can help you. If you want to start by turning your computer on, we’ll see what we can do.”

    Customer: “What computer?”

    Me: “Sir, you need a computer to access the internet with this router.”

    Customer: “No one told me that.”

    Me: “Sir, how do you expect to access the internet without a computer?”

    Customer: “So you’re saying I have to buy a computer? That’s another expense!” *hangs up*

    Remote Possibilities Are A Waste Of Time

    | PEI, Canada | Top

    Customer: “My cable box is broken.”

    Me: “What seems to be the issue?”

    Customer: “Roughly every 1 minute the channel goes up. I tried turning it off and on, I tried unplugging it, I made sure no one was sitting on the remote, nothing works, you guys gave me a broken box!”

    Me: “What does it currently show on the front of the box sir?”

    Customer: “Channel 932.”

    Me: “And what time is it sir?”

    Customer: “9:32. Oh.” *hangs up*

    The Problem Was Licked

    | Albuquerque, NM, USA |

    (I am troubleshooting with a customer. I notice the liquid damage indicator is red, which means it has been exposed to liquid.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but your warranty is void since the phone has been exposed to liquid.”

    Customer: “No, it hasn’t! I’ve never dropped it in water.”

    Me: “Well that sticker only turns red when its been exposed to moisture.”

    Customer: “Well then, of course it’s red. I licked it!”

    Me: “Unfortunately, that would count as liquid damage.”

    Customer: “That’s stupid! I just wanted to see if it really works!”

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