October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

(Trans)Late To Understanding

| Virum, Denmark | Language & Words, Technology

(We run a tech support channel. Unlike traditional channels, we allow anybody and everybody to ask and receive answers. The popularity of the channel forced us to bring in a bot which tells the user to speak English in their own language if they are speaking a non-English language. The user is from Colombia.)

User: *in Spanish* “Hi, my game is broken. Can you help?”

Bot: *in Spanish* “This is an English-only channel. Try Google Translate if you need translations to English.”

User: *in German* “Hi, my game is broken. Can you help?”

Bot: *in German* “This is an English-only channel. Try Google Translate if you need translations to English.”

(The user disconnects.)

Another User: “I wonder which part of “this channel is English only” doesn’t he get?”

Email Fail, Part 2

| IN, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(The customer is the CEO of a graphics design company that has hosted email with us. He calls in late one night to report that he is unable to get any email, and that he has important business to attend to and must have his email. I’ve almost exhausted all troubleshooting with this customer. I verified settings on his email client, verified settings on our server and mail flow to his inbox. In a last resort, I have the customer attempt to set up the email account again as a new account.)

Customer: “It says it can’t connect to the server. Are you having server issues?”

Me: “No, sir. If we were, we’d have a lot more callers about this issue. Try [alternative incoming server address and port] and see if you get a different response.”

(Typing and a pause…)

Customer: “Nope, still says can’t connect to server.”

Me: “Hmm…” *thinking there’s no way this can be possible* “Are you having any Internet issues? Are you able to load any web pages?”

Customer: “No, our ISP is having an outage right now.”

Me: “… Well, there’s your problem. Unfortunately without Internet you won’t be able to get email.”

Customer: “Why? What does Internet have to do with email?”

Email Fail

Do Not Not Speak(er) The Same Language

| Scunthorpe, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Money, Technology

Customer: “I’ve bought some car speakers and fitted them, but now there’s no sound from my stereo. Do you know what it might be?”

Me: “I think you should go to the people you bought the speakers from and ask their advice. They’ve made money from you!”

Customer: “I have, but they want to charge me!”

Me: “And you think I don’t?!”

(He left.)

You Can’t Even Picture It

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I am helping someone over the phone with a computer issue they are having.)

Me: “Okay, could you take a print screen shot of the issue and email it as an attachment to us?”

Customer: “Sure.”

(A few minutes pass and the email comes through. The customer had taken a picture of the computer screen with their phone, printed it, taken ANOTHER picture of that, and sent it!)

Deal With Them On A Case By Case Basis

| Germany | Extra Stupid, Technology

(A customer calls tech support, telling me he had bought a new computer at one of my company’s stores, and that it isn’t turning on.)

Me: “Okay, I understand the problem.”

(Thinking it’s going to be the standard power-supply-switch/cable not connected issue, I ask him if he has plugged it in and switched it on at the back.)

Caller: “Well, there’s the problem. There is nowhere to plug in a cable.”

Me: “That’s unusual. Sir, are you sure you have the right cable and are looking at the right side of the computer?”

Caller: “Yes. I am looking at the back side, and there is nowhere to plug in a cable or anything.”

Me: “Okay, could you please describe to me what you see.”

Caller: “Well, I can tell you that there is a big hole in the back of the computer through which I can stick my entire arm.”

Me: *trying not to laugh* “Okay, sir, I think that might be the problem. I think you have bought a bare-bone casing for a computer, rather than a working PC. May I ask what the computer cost?”

Caller: “€90.”

Me: “Okay, sir,.I would advise you to take that casing back to the store and tell the guys there the issue. I am sure the will take it back and provide you with an actual computer rather than a case.”

Caller: “Er, um, okay. I guess I’ll do that then…” *click*

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