(I work for a business software company. We take data from a database, and turn it into reports.)
Client: *on the phone* “My reports look wrong.”
Me: “All right, let’s take a look.”
(I see the problem, and we’re able to trace the problem back to his database – something outside of my company’s control.)
Me: “It looks like you have some bad data in your database – once the data in there is right, you should have no problems with your reports.”
Client: “That’s ridiculous. I don’t care what the database has; it’s my report that’s wrong.”
Me: “Actually, we see the exact same problem in your database as we do in the report.”
Client: “It’s still your fault.”
(This goes on for 20 minutes. I finally decide to make it simpler.)
Me: “If you make a hamburger with rotten meat, do you blame the bun company when you get sick?”
Client: “I’m a vegetarian, I wouldn’t know.”
Me: “OK, fine – if your veggie patty was rotten, would you blame the bun company?”
Client: “Veggie patties never go rotten!”
Me: “I don’t think you understand my analogy.”
Client: “I don’t think YOU understand vegetarians!”
Me: “Ma’am, I work tech support. It’s not my job to understand vegetarians.”
Client: “WELL IT’S NOT MY JOB EITHER, BUT I DO!”
Me: “That’s because you are one.”
Client: “NO I’M NOT!”
Me: “You told me you were a vegetarian, 30 seconds ago.”
Client: “I LIED!”
Me: “…why?”
Client: “BECAUSE YOU’RE WRONG!”
Me: “No, I’m not.”
Client: “WROOONG! WRONG, WRONG, WRONG! WROOONG!”
(She kept on saying ‘wrong’ for a good 45 seconds, despite me trying to interject, so I then hung up. No one in the company has heard from her since.)