A Smoking Computer Is Always A Bad Sign

| Norrkoping, Sweden | Uncategorized

Caller: “My bong isn’t working!”

Me: “I’m not sure what you mean, ma’am. Could you explain what your problem is?”

Caller: “I told you! My bong is broken!”

Me: “Your bong, ma’am?”

Caller: “Yes the bong that goes in to the computer for my internet!”

Me: “Oh, do you mean your ‘dongle’?”

Caller: “Yes! That thing!”

Even Professors Fail At Pass(Words)

| St. Paul, MN, USA | Uncategorized

(I am a student worker at my university’s IT help desk. Professors’ passwords are set to expire every 90 days. A professor having connection problems informs me he hasn’t changed his password in months.)

Me: “Oh, okay! I think that’s the issue here. Your password has probably expired and…”

Professor: “Expired?!”

Me: “Yes, they’re set to expire every 90 days for security.”

Professor: “90 days! Why don’t you tell us these things?”

Me:”I’m so sorry, usually we email professors at the beginning of term.”

Professor: “Well, you didn’t tell me! I didn’t get any emails from you people!”

Me: “I’m very sorry. Let me reset your password for you now so that you can connect.”

(I reset his password and write it down for him.)

Professor: “What the h*** is this?”

Me: “That’s the pound sign.”

Professor: “I know what it is! Why is it in my password?”

Me: “It’s a regulation from our administration. Your password has to have letters, numbers and special characters.”

Professor: “And when were you planning on telling us this?”

Me: “There should have been an email last week.”

Professor: “There was no email! Seriously, do you do anything? Where’s your boss? I need to speak with him.”

Me: “He’s out right now.”

Professor: “You need to let me know the moment he gets back.”

Me: “Of course. How should we notify you? We can send you an email?”

Professor: “Don’t email me. God! I never read those. Call my office phone.”

Download A Brain While You’re At It

| Cardiff, Wales, UK | Uncategorized

Me: “So you want me to hook up this computer to the internet?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay! First thing’s first: where’s the modem or router so I can connect the computer to the net?”

Customer: “I don’t have one.”

Me: “You don’t have one?”

Customer: “I thought you could download a modem off the internet for me.”

Ask Her To Close All Windows Next

| South Carolina, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Can you get online?”

Customer: “How do you do that?”

Me: “Do you see Internet Explorer?”

Customer: “Where do I see that?”

Me: “It should be on your desktop.”

Customer: *rustling papers* “I don’t see it on my desk anywhere. Are you sure it is here?”

Unintended Entendres

| Shenzhen, China | Uncategorized

(I have just completed a firewall and Internet circuit install for an international customer. His English is far better than my Cantonese, but slang expressions didn’t always translate.)

Customer: “Thank you! You know, we were worried about having a female engineer, but now I see that they are better.”

Me: “Well, thank you, sir. I’m glad your Internet is up and running. We always try to do a good job.”

Customer: “You even cleaned the server room! Men never clean the server room. It looks very nice!”

Me: “…”

Customer: “I don’t think I have ever seen such a nice rack! Thank you!”

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