(Note: We sell mobile terminals for warehouses and delivery firms.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Caller: “My terminal has gone into a freeze.”

Me: “You can try restarting it.”

Caller: “How do I do that?”

Me: “You press and hold 1, 9 and the power button, and then you release.”

Caller: *sound of terminal hitting the floor*

(A customer calls in, unable to connect to wireless internet. I have her navigate to the connection screen.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am. Do you see the name of your wireless network in the list of available networks?”

Customer: “I don’t know which one is mine.”

(I proceed to authenticate the customer and provide the name of her network.)

Customer: “No, I don’t see that listed.”

Me: “It’s possible that your router glitched. I’m going to have you go ahead and power it down.”

Customer: “What’s that?”

Me: “It’s the main box that we install in your home when we set up service. It broadcasts the wireless signal. We’re going to reset it and see if your signal comes back.”

Customer: “I can’t do that?”

Me: “Is it out of reach?”

Customer: “No, I’m at a friend’s house.”

Me: “Ma’am, where are you located at right now?”

Customer: “Las Vegas.”

Me: And where is your router located?

Customer: “Fort Worth…”

(A customer comes to our help desk with a laptop that needs service.)

Me: “Okay, we are going to have to send your computer out for service. It‚Äôs going to take about 10 business days.”

Customer: “What am I going to do?”

Me: “It’s okay, I will provide you with a loaner.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. Wow, that is so sad.”

Me: “What is so sad? That you are going to be without your computer?”

Customer: “No, that’s okay. It’s sad that they are lonely computers!”

Me: “Thanks for calling, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, your website has been timing me out ever since I switched computers.”

Me: “What kind do you use currently?”

Customer: “Mac, using Safari as the browser.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, we did not test the web site with Macs, and we know it doesn’t work properly with Safari.”

Customer: “Why didn’t you test with Macs?”

Me: “Most of our customer base use Windows based PC’s, typically with Internet Explorer.”

Customer: “Really? I think everyone should use Macs. Everything runs perfectly on them!”

Caller: “When is my DSL install going to be done?”

Me: “In two days, sir.”

Caller: “My wife and children just died in a car accident yesterday. I need the internet sooner than that.”

Me: “I’m very sorry to hear that. I will provide you a complimentary dialup account until your DSL is installed.”

Caller: “But dialup is too slow…cancel my order!”

Me: “Sir, if I cancel your order and you wish to schedule service again later, there is a three week wait.”

Caller: “I don’t care! Do it!”

(The next day, the same customer calls back.)

Caller: “Hi, I need to know when my DSL is being installed.”

Me: “Sir, you canceled your order yesterday. Would you like me to reschedule it?”

Caller: “Yes, but I’m not waiting weeks for it, my wife is divorcing me and my kids need it for school.”

Me: “I’m glad to hear that your wife and children have recovered from the fatal car accident.”

Caller: *silence* “So…can I still get the dialup until my DSL is installed?”

Me: “Absolutely!”