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    Even Professors Fail At Pass(Words)

    | St. Paul, MN, USA |

    (I am a student worker at my university’s IT help desk. Professors’ passwords are set to expire every 90 days. A professor having connection problems informs me he hasn’t changed his password in months.)

    Me: “Oh, okay! I think that’s the issue here. Your password has probably expired and…”

    Professor: “Expired?!”

    Me: “Yes, they’re set to expire every 90 days for security.”

    Professor: “90 days! Why don’t you tell us these things?”

    Me:”I’m so sorry, usually we email professors at the beginning of term.”

    Professor: “Well, you didn’t tell me! I didn’t get any emails from you people!”

    Me: “I’m very sorry. Let me reset your password for you now so that you can connect.”

    (I reset his password and write it down for him.)

    Professor: “What the h*** is this?”

    Me: “That’s the pound sign.”

    Professor: “I know what it is! Why is it in my password?”

    Me: “It’s a regulation from our administration. Your password has to have letters, numbers and special characters.”

    Professor: “And when were you planning on telling us this?”

    Me: “There should have been an email last week.”

    Professor: “There was no email! Seriously, do you do anything? Where’s your boss? I need to speak with him.”

    Me: “He’s out right now.”

    Professor: “You need to let me know the moment he gets back.”

    Me: “Of course. How should we notify you? We can send you an email?”

    Professor: “Don’t email me. God! I never read those. Call my office phone.”

    Download A Brain While You’re At It

    | Cardiff, Wales, UK |

    Me: “So you want me to hook up this computer to the internet?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Okay! First thing’s first: where’s the modem or router so I can connect the computer to the net?”

    Customer: “I don’t have one.”

    Me: “You don’t have one?”

    Customer: “I thought you could download a modem off the internet for me.”

    Ask Her To Close All Windows Next

    | South Carolina, USA |

    Me: “Can you get online?”

    Customer: “How do you do that?”

    Me: “Do you see Internet Explorer?”

    Customer: “Where do I see that?”

    Me: “It should be on your desktop.”

    Customer: *rustling papers* “I don’t see it on my desk anywhere. Are you sure it is here?”

    Unintended Entendres

    | Shenzhen, China |

    (I have just completed a firewall and Internet circuit install for an international customer. His English is far better than my Cantonese, but slang expressions didn’t always translate.)

    Customer: “Thank you! You know, we were worried about having a female engineer, but now I see that they are better.”

    Me: “Well, thank you, sir. I’m glad your Internet is up and running. We always try to do a good job.”

    Customer: “You even cleaned the server room! Men never clean the server room. It looks very nice!”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “I don’t think I have ever seen such a nice rack! Thank you!”

    Op-tickle Fibers

    | Utah, USA |

    (I am in the middle of finishing the last download to fix a customers computer, but his internet keeps resetting.)

    Me: “Sorry the download didn’t work. Your internet reset again. We will have to try it again and hopefully it will finish this time.”

    Customer: “You know, if you want to speed this up, all you have to do is take the mouse, and kinda rub it over the download box.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, rub it over the download box?”

    Customer: “Yea you know? If you tickle the download box with the mouse it goes faster. I thought you would know that, being a Tech Support guy and all.”

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