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    PEBCAK, Episode IV

    | Connecticut, USA | Technology

    (The head of a department wants her word processor upgraded to the latest version.)

    Manager: *on phone* “Okay, I’ll send Jeff over to upgrade you. Please back up all your documents, because he’s going to delete the existing version and install the new one.”

    (I go to her office.)

    Me: “Hi, I’m here to upgrade [word processor] for you. Have you backed up your documents?”

    Customer: “Of course I have.”

    Me: “Great!”

    (I wipe out the existing directory and install the new version. A few minutes before I get back to the faculty computing center, the phone rings.)

    Customer: on phone “Where are all my letters and papers? They’re all gone!”

    Manager: “Jeff says you backed up your documents.”

    Customer: “Well, I didn’t know what you guys meant by that. I didn’t want to look stupid, so I said yes.”

    Related:
    PEBCAK, Episode III
    PEBCAK, Episode II
    Problem Exists Between Chair And Keyboard

    Tech Support Is Rendered Fruitless

    | Minnesota, USA | Technology

    Customer: “My computer has fruit in it!”

    Me: “Like what?”

    Customer: “Every time I turn my computer on, it has a fruit in it.”

    Me: “You mean an apple?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I guess.”

    Me: “That means you have that brand of computer. Do you need anything else, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t really like apples. Can I get a cantaloupe on it instead?”

    Grandma Vs The Internet

    | Kansas City, MO, USA | Rude & Risque, Technology

    (A customer brings in her desktop for repair.)

    Customer: “Excuse me sir, can you help me? I’ve done something terrible.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. What seems to be the problem today?”

    Customer: “Well, I was on the computer, and all of these naughty images started to pop up. Well, I didn’t want my grandkids thinking their grandma was into something nasty, so I started to delete things and well…I’ve deleted the internet!”

    Me: “It will be alright, ma’am. I think we can save the internet.”

    Testing Plugs And Patience

    | Anchorage, AK, USA | Technology

    (Several of our customers recently experienced an internet outage and needed to reset their equipment to get back online.)

    Me: “You’ll just need to unplug your modem, wait a few seconds, plug it back in, and then wait for all the lights to come on. Once they’re all on, you’ll be back online. If that doesn’t work, call me back.”

    Customer: “Okay, that sounds simple enough.”

    (A few minutes later…)

    Customer: “I just spoke with you. It’s still not working!”

    Me: “I apologize, let’s take a look. Have you reset the modem already?”

    Customer: “Yes! I need you to fix this. I need the internet now!”

    Me: “Of course. Are all the lights on the modem lit up?”

    Customer: “No!”

    Me: “How long ago did you reset your modem, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Just now, after I called you back!”

    (As we’re speaking, I see that her connection has re-established.)

    Me: “I’m showing you’re online now. Are all the lights back on your modem?”

    Customer: “Oh…that’s what you meant by waiting.”

    Logic Board Illogic

    | Indianapolis, IN, USA | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Technology

    Me: “Hello, this is ***.”

    Caller: “I want to get my money back on a laptop I bought.”

    Me: “What’s wrong with it?”

    Caller: “Nothing’s wrong. My mom won’t let me put internet on my laptop, so I don’t want it anymore.”

    Me: “I don’t give refunds. My warranty only covers breaks.”

    Caller: “So, if I break it you will give me my money back?”

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