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    Between The Teen Computer Screen

    | Online | Uncategorized

    Me: *via online chat* “It’s just the date of birth that doesn’t match on your account. But I have the correct account pulled up here.”

    Customer: “Maybe if I tried to make the account when I was very young, I might have claimed to be eighteen at the time. But the month and day would still be the same!”

    Me: “…I see.”

    Customer: “Yes. I know it was very wrong of teenager-me to claim to be an adult. However, I can hardly ground her at this point.”

    Their Business Days Are Numbered

    | American Fork, UT, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Thank you for calling! Can I have your customer ID number, please?”

    Caller: “I don’t have that. Can I give you the business name?”

    Me: “Do you have your program open? I can actually tell you how to find your customer ID number.”

    Caller: “No, but I have the address.”

    Me: “Do you have the phone number by chance? That usually brings it up.”

    Caller: “No, but I have the customer number. Will that help?”

    Me: “Yes, the customer number would be very helpful…”

    Right-Click, Wrong-Click, Part 2

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Sir, to configure the modem I need you to clear your desktop. Right-click on ‘networking’, and then select ‘properties’.”

    Customer: “It turned blue. I don’t see ‘properties’. Now what?”

    Me: “You don’t see a selection menu?”

    Customer: “No, the icon just turned blue.”

    Me: “Ah, I see. I need you to right-click on the icon.”

    Customer: “I am right-clicking! Nothing is happening.”

    Me: “Are you sure you are right-clicking?”

    Customer: “Yes! I am right-clicking. As compared to what, wrong-clicking?!”

    Me: “No, sir. As compared to left-clicking.”

    (There is a noticeable silence.)

    Customer: “Oh.”

    Related:
    Right-Click, Wrong-Click

    Zombies Need Tech Support Too

    | Newcastle, UK | Uncategorized, Zombies

    Me: “Thank you for calling [technology firm]. How can I help?”

    Caller: “I’ve been charged £60 by you, and I’m not sure why.”

    Me: “Okay, what does the bank charge say?”

    Caller: “It’s [technology firm] service.”

    Me: “Okay, that’s the name of a annual subscription we offer.”

    Caller: “Oh. I think my husband has that, but I’m not sure.”

    Me: “Well, can you check with him? We don’t want to cancel if he uses it.”

    Caller: “Well, I’d like to ask him. But he died on Tuesday, so I can’t get in contact with him.”

    Me: “I think we can probably cancel that for you.”

    Related:
    Zombies Need Healthcare Too
    Zombies Need High Speed Internet Too

    Plight Of The Navigator

    , | Provo, UT, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Thank you for calling [ISP] technical support. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “How do I get to gmail.com?”

    Me: “Type gmail.com into the navigation field of your web browser and hit enter.”

    Customer: “Huh. It says gmail: email from Google. The next one is Gmail – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. Then, just a big list of things with ‘gmail’ in it.”

    Me: “Just a moment, sir. Where exactly did you type gmail.com?”

    Customer: “Into the box where the words go, near the top.”

    Me: “Is there another box with words in it even higher up? Maybe starting with http://. It’s probably followed by a www?”

    Customer: “Huh? What does that have to do with anything?”

    Me: “What does it say in that box?”

    Customer: “It says http://search.yahoo.com. Then, there’s a bunch of other stuff. Oh. Wait. What?”

    Me: “Well, what that is–”

    Customer: “Somebody needs to tell Gmail what Yahoo did to them!”

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