• Holy Guacamole, Get Off The Phone!
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    This Tutor Should Have Been Screened Harder

    | Australia | Top

    (I am reinstalling the operating system on one of the student computers. I leave a note on it stating that it is out of order, and that students shouldn’t touch the computer. A tutor walks in, and reads the note. He looks at computer screen, and reads the note one more time. He then turns the computer off before I can react.)

    Tutor: “I think there’s something wrong with this computer.”

    Me: “Why did you turn it off? Who told you to turn off?”

    Tutor: “Oh, the note said students weren’t allowed to touch it.”

    Me: “Okay, there’s a loophole there, I guess. But why did you turn it off?”

    Tutor: “I don’t know.”

    Between The Teen Computer Screen

    | Online | Uncategorized

    Me: *via online chat* “It’s just the date of birth that doesn’t match on your account. But I have the correct account pulled up here.”

    Customer: “Maybe if I tried to make the account when I was very young, I might have claimed to be eighteen at the time. But the month and day would still be the same!”

    Me: “…I see.”

    Customer: “Yes. I know it was very wrong of teenager-me to claim to be an adult. However, I can hardly ground her at this point.”

    Between The Preteen Gender Screen

    Their Business Days Are Numbered

    | American Fork, UT, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Thank you for calling! Can I have your customer ID number, please?”

    Caller: “I don’t have that. Can I give you the business name?”

    Me: “Do you have your program open? I can actually tell you how to find your customer ID number.”

    Caller: “No, but I have the address.”

    Me: “Do you have the phone number by chance? That usually brings it up.”

    Caller: “No, but I have the customer number. Will that help?”

    Me: “Yes, the customer number would be very helpful…”

    Right-Click, Wrong-Click, Part 2

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Sir, to configure the modem I need you to clear your desktop. Right-click on ‘networking’, and then select ‘properties’.”

    Customer: “It turned blue. I don’t see ‘properties’. Now what?”

    Me: “You don’t see a selection menu?”

    Customer: “No, the icon just turned blue.”

    Me: “Ah, I see. I need you to right-click on the icon.”

    Customer: “I am right-clicking! Nothing is happening.”

    Me: “Are you sure you are right-clicking?”

    Customer: “Yes! I am right-clicking. As compared to what, wrong-clicking?!”

    Me: “No, sir. As compared to left-clicking.”

    (There is a noticeable silence.)

    Customer: “Oh.”

    Right-Click, Wrong-Click

    Zombies Need Tech Support Too

    | Newcastle, UK | Uncategorized, Zombies

    Me: “Thank you for calling [technology firm]. How can I help?”

    Caller: “I’ve been charged £60 by you, and I’m not sure why.”

    Me: “Okay, what does the bank charge say?”

    Caller: “It’s [technology firm] service.”

    Me: “Okay, that’s the name of a annual subscription we offer.”

    Caller: “Oh. I think my husband has that, but I’m not sure.”

    Me: “Well, can you check with him? We don’t want to cancel if he uses it.”

    Caller: “Well, I’d like to ask him. But he died on Tuesday, so I can’t get in contact with him.”

    Me: “I think we can probably cancel that for you.”

    Zombies Need Healthcare Too
    Zombies Need High Speed Internet Too

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