November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Acting Flippantly, Part 3

| WI, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer is calling in with internet problems.)

Me: “Let me reset some of your equipment. It works best if your modem is off. Can you flip off the power switch for me?”

Customer: “Is something supposed to change when I do that?”

Me: “The LED’s on the front of the modem should go dark.”

Customer: “They’re still on. I’ve been giving it the middle finger for 30 seconds now, and the lights are still on.”

Acting Flippantly, Part 2
Acting Flippantly

About To Have A Power Struggle

| Seattle, WA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, sir. You’ve reached [company]’s technical support.”

Customer: “Hello! My computer seems to be having some issues. I used your software just the other day and suddenly, ah…wait a minute.”

(There is a significant pause.)

Customer: “How do you make it go?”

Me: “The software? Well, you can look for the icon on your desktop, or you can use the search-”

Customer: “No, no! The box! The, the uh, computer!”

Me: “Uh…press the power button?”

(A considerable pause follows.)

Customer: “Liar.”

Not Getting With The Program

| CA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Good afternoon, [Software Company] Tech Support. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I have a complaint about your software. My employees keep exiting the files without saving. I need you to fix that problem with your software.”

Me: “Sir, when you pick to exit the application, it asks you if you are sure you want to exit without saving.”

Customer: “I know. I think they are just hitting enter at the question.”

Me: “Sir, the default is no.”

Customer: “Well, they must be answering yes.”

Me: “I’m not sure how we can change the software to make it easier for your employees to understand.”

Customer: “Can you add a second box after the first box, asking if they are really sure they want to lose what they just entered?”

Me: “I can put that request in, sir. But I doubt that development will change the software.”

Customer: “Why not?! It’s a bug in your software! I want it fixed!”

Flip It, Crush It, Then Reverse It

| Boise, ID, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [tech support]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I need to return this phone. I don’t use it.”

Me: “Okay. I see you are still under your buyer’s remorse period and–”

Customer: “Yes, take it back.”

Me: “So, you have the original packaging and the receipt?”

Customer: *proudly* “Yes!”

Me: “Great, and is there any damage to the phone?”

Customer: “I ran over it with my car.”

Me: “Well, then. Unfortunately, ma’am, we can’t take it back.”

Customer: *irate* “But it’s still within the first 30 days!”

I’m Falling (And Calling) To Pieces

| Saskatoon, Canada | Technology

Me: “Thanks for calling. How can I help you?”

(I hear a loud banging noise over the phone.)

Caller: “Sorry, I dropped my phone.”

(More banging.)

Caller: “Oh, no! I dropped my remote. Hold on.”

(A few minutes later…)

Caller: “I got my remote now.”

(More banging.)

Caller: “My batteries just fell out.”

(More banging.)

Caller: “Are you still there? I dropped my phone.” *call drops*