Featured Story:
  • The Signs Of Change
    (1,281 thumbs up)
  • April Theme Of The Month: Losing My Religion!
    Submit your story today!

    Plight Of The Navigator

    , | Provo, UT, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Thank you for calling [ISP] technical support. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “How do I get to gmail.com?”

    Me: “Type gmail.com into the navigation field of your web browser and hit enter.”

    Customer: “Huh. It says gmail: email from Google. The next one is Gmail – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. Then, just a big list of things with ‘gmail’ in it.”

    Me: “Just a moment, sir. Where exactly did you type gmail.com?”

    Customer: “Into the box where the words go, near the top.”

    Me: “Is there another box with words in it even higher up? Maybe starting with http://. It’s probably followed by a www?”

    Customer: “Huh? What does that have to do with anything?”

    Me: “What does it say in that box?”

    Customer: “It says http://search.yahoo.com. Then, there’s a bunch of other stuff. Oh. Wait. What?”

    Me: “Well, what that is–”

    Customer: “Somebody needs to tell Gmail what Yahoo did to them!”

    How To Make Them As Silent As A Mouse

    , | Allentown, PA, USA | Technology, Top

    (I work engineering support late in the evening.)

    Me: “Pennsylvania Support Center. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “The cleaning crew just came through my office, and now my mouse doesn’t work. The cursor just jumps all over the screen randomly when I move it. They broke my mouse. I need a new one.”

    Me: “You have a SPARCstation with an optical mouse, correct?”

    Caller: “Yes, with the cool glass mouse-pad.”

    (Old-school optical mice used to require special reflective mouse-pads with grids etched into their surfaces. To increase tracking resolution, the vertical and horizontal grids had slightly different spacing.)

    Me: “Did the cleaning crew wipe down your desk?”

    Caller: “Yes.”

    Me: “Did they move your mouse-pad?”

    Caller: “What does that have to do with anything?”

    Me: “Did your mouse-pad get rotated? Is the long edge of the mouse-pad now parallel to the edge of your desk?”

    Caller: “I really don’t see why that’s relevant. I just want a new mouse!”

    Me: “The orientation of the mouse-pad matters. The–”

    (The caller cuts me off and starts to yell. I realize that I can actually hear his voice coming from down the hall.)

    Caller: “Listen! Just open a ticket and have someone bring me a new mouse. I don’t have time for this. I design chips, so I know what I’m talking about. I probably designed the chip in the phone you’re stuck answering all day!”

    (I take off my headset, walk down the hall, and walk into his office up to his desk.)

    Caller: “…so don’t try to bulls*** me with, oh. Hold on, someone is in my office.”

    (I reach down, and rotate his mouse-pad 90 degrees. I move the mouse, and the cursor happily moves around the screen as expected. I walk out of his office, back down the hall, sit down at my desk, and put my headset back on.)

    Caller: *silence*

    Me: “Thank you for calling Pennsylvania Support Center. I trust I have resolved your case.”

    Caller: *silence*

    Me: “You will be receiving your ticket number via email. Thank you.”

    Caller: *click*

    The Very Social Network

    | MI, USA | Uncategorized

    (I am trying to help an elderly couple get on the internet.)

    Me: “Okay. Go ahead and see if you are able to connect.”

    Customer: “I can’t. It says that I am not connected to any networks.”

    Me: “That’s odd. I can see you on the network.”

    Customer: *amazed* “You can see me?”

    Me: “Yes, I can see you.”

    Customer: *shocked* “Wow, she can see me!”

    Customer’s husband: *in the background* “Well, put some clothes on woman!”

    About To Kick The Can

    | Mount Vernon, OH, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Good afternoon. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah. I was wondering how I can delete stuff from my trash bin?”

    Me: “That’s an easy fix. Just right click on the icon, and click ‘empty recycling bin’. Got that?”

    Customer: *clicking noise* “Okay. Now, how do I get them back?”

    Some Customers Can Make You See Red

    | Tampa, FL, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “I am highly dissatisfied with the support I have received so far. I expressly asked for a red system. This is silver.”

    Me: “Sir, this is technical support.”

    Customer: “I know it is! My system is supposed to be red!”

    Me: “Did you order it red?”

    Customer: “The sales person didn’t tell me different colors were available.”

    Me: “You should probably talk to sales. I can transfer you.”

    Customer: “Is this the kind of support you guys offer? I have a problem here.”

    Me: “Sir, is you computer functioning?”

    Customer: “I’m sorry?”

    Me: “Does your computer turn on?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Does it connect to the internet?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Do all of your programs load?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “From a technical stand point, is there anything wrong with your system?”

    Customer: “Technically, it’s not red.”

    Page 39/90First...3738394041...Last