Lonely Laptop Seeks Similar For Wi-Fi Hookup

Tech Support | Massachusetts, USA

(A customer comes to our help desk with a laptop that needs service.)

Me: “Okay, we are going to have to send your computer out for service. It‚Äôs going to take about 10 business days.”

Customer: “What am I going to do?”

Me: “It’s okay, I will provide you with a loaner.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. Wow, that is so sad.”

Me: “What is so sad? That you are going to be without your computer?”

Customer: “No, that’s okay. It’s sad that they are lonely computers!”

1 Thumbs Up (1,593 Thumbs Up!)

Email | Print | Facebook | MySpace | Twitter | Digg | Reddit | Stumble

Microsoft Works

Tech Support | Florida, USA

Me: “Thanks for calling, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, your website has been timing me out ever since I switched computers.”

Me: “What kind do you use currently?”

Customer: “Mac, using Safari as the browser.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, we did not test the web site with Macs, and we know it doesn’t work properly with Safari.”

Customer: “Why didn’t you test with Macs?”

Me: “Most of our customer base use Windows based PC’s, typically with Internet Explorer.”

Customer: “Really? I think everyone should use Macs. Everything runs perfectly on them!”

1 Thumbs Up (1,998 Thumbs Up!)

Email | Print | Facebook | MySpace | Twitter | Digg | Reddit | Stumble

Zombies Need High Speed Internet Too

Tech Support | California, USA

Caller: “When is my DSL install going to be done?”

Me: “In two days, sir.”

Caller: “My wife and children just died in a car accident yesterday. I need the internet sooner than that.”

Me: “I’m very sorry to hear that. I will provide you a complimentary dialup account until your DSL is installed.”

Caller: “But dialup is too slow…cancel my order!”

Me: “Sir, if I cancel your order and you wish to schedule service again later, there is a three week wait.”

Caller: “I don’t care! Do it!”

(The next day, the same customer calls back.)

Caller: “Hi, I need to know when my DSL is being installed.”

Me: “Sir, you canceled your order yesterday. Would you like me to reschedule it?”

Caller: “Yes, but I’m not waiting weeks for it, my wife is divorcing me and my kids need it for school.”

Me: “I’m glad to hear that your wife and children have recovered from the fatal car accident.”

Caller: *silence* “So…can I still get the dialup until my DSL is installed?”

Me: “Absolutely!”

1 Thumbs Up (3,015 Thumbs Up!)

Email | Print | Facebook | MySpace | Twitter | Digg | Reddit | Stumble

Closing Arguments

Tech Support | Salt Lake City, UT, USA

Me: “Tech support, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Your d*** program keeps closing on me!”

(Note: the program she is referring to is our website.)

Me: “What happens before the ‚Äòprogram‚Äô closes?”

Customer: “I click ‘printer friendly’ so I can print off the page, then I use File->Close to get back to where I was, and the d***ed program keeps kicking me out!”

Me: “You click File->Close?”

Customer: “Yeah! This keeps happening to me with a lot of things! I hate computers.”

Me: “Don’t click File->Close. Try clicking on the back button. It’s the button with the arrow pointing to the left.”

Customer: “There it goes! Wow, you must have to do a lot of training for your job!”

1 Thumbs Up (1,900 Thumbs Up!)

Email | Print | Facebook | MySpace | Twitter | Digg | Reddit | Stumble

Monitoring (Lack Of) Progress

Tech Support | Michigan, USA

(I get a call from a customer saying that there is something wrong with her server.)

Me: “Ma’am, is the screen frozen?”

Caller: “Yes, it is.”

Me: “Alright, go ahead and manually turn it off for me.”

Caller: “Alright, it’s off.”

(This is odd, as it normally takes up to 5 minutes for the server to turn off.)

Me: “Okay. Go ahead and turn it back on, and let me know when it’s back up.”

Caller: *without skipping a beat* “It’s back up, and still frozen.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am. Are you actually turning off the monitor or the computer?”

Caller: “I don’t know! I’m no computer whiz!”

1 Thumbs Up (1,387 Thumbs Up!)

Email | Print | Facebook | MySpace | Twitter | Digg | Reddit | Stumble

The Wrong Outlet For Your Problems

Tech Support | Orlando, FL, USA

Me: “Okay ma‚Äôam, lets try resetting your modem.”

Customer: “How do I do that?”

Me: “Is there a button on the modem?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “That’s okay. Not all modems have a reset button. We can just unplug it and plug it back in.”

Customer: “Which cord do I unplug?”

Me: “The one that plugs into the wall.”

Customer: “Which one is that?”

Me: “Do you see those larger wires come from the back that go into your computer?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “None of the wires that look like that.”

Customer: “Oh.. okay. So this small one that says Modem?”

Me: “That‚Äôs the one.”

Customer: “What about this other one?”

Me: “What other one?”

Customer: “There’s another thin wire that goes to this other box.”

Me: “That’s for your phone. Leave that one alone.”

Customer: “Okay. So pull out that wire?”

Me: “No. Just–”

Customer: *click*

1 Thumbs Up (2,779 Thumbs Up!)

Email | Print | Facebook | MySpace | Twitter | Digg | Reddit | Stumble

Actually, There’s Probably An App For That

Tech Support | Virginia, USA

Me: “Thank you for calling tech support, this is Josh. How may I help you?”

Caller: “I installed the purple bird!”

Me: “Purple bird…you mean Pidgin? Yeah, it’s pretty cool. How can I help you with that today?”

Caller: “My buddy list is empty.”

Me: “Maybe none of your friends are online right now?”

Caller: “It doesn’t COME with friends?!”

Me: “No, sir…”

Caller: *click*

1 Thumbs Up (2,684 Thumbs Up!)

Email | Print | Facebook | MySpace | Twitter | Digg | Reddit | Stumble

And To Delete, Use White Out…

Tech Support | Missouri, USA

Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I need help with my printer. I want to print this letter, but it’s not going to fit on the page!”

Me: “What happens when you try to print?”

Caller: “Well, I don’t know. I don’t want to get ink everywhere!”

Me: “Okay, why do you think it won’t fit on the page?”

Caller: “Well, when I held it up to the screen, the paper was smaller than the page in Word. So, it obviously won’t fit!”

Me: “Ma’am, could you just try to print it for me?”

Caller: “I told you, it’ll spill ink!”

Me: “Trust me, it won’t.”

Caller: “Fine, but if it does, you’ll have to clean it up.”

(After a few moments of printing sounds…)

Caller: *gasp* *click*

1 Thumbs Up (2,063 Thumbs Up!)

Email | Print | Facebook | MySpace | Twitter | Digg | Reddit | Stumble

Thank You For Calling Planet Of The Apes

Technical Support | Columbus, OH, USA

Me: “Thank you for calling tech support. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hello?”

Me: “Hello?”

Customer: “Hello?”

Me: “Hello?”

Customer: “Hey Jon, check this out! The machine says hello back when I say hello!”

Me: “I’m not a machine, sir.”

Customer: “OH MY GOD, IT’S ADDRESSING ME!”

Me: “No, sir, I’m not a machine!”

Customer: “Oh… so you’re one of them human peoples?”

Me: “Yes, sir, I am a human peoples.”

1 Thumbs Up (4,685 Thumbs Up!)

Email | Print | Facebook | MySpace | Twitter | Digg | Reddit | Stumble

Wake Me When You’re Smarter

Tech Support | Florida, USA

Customer: “My internet is not working.”

Me: “I can help you with that. Are the lights on your modem lit?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Good, is the one labeled ‘online’ blinking?”

Customer: “I don’t have a light like that, but it does have the time.”

Me: “The…time?”

Customer: “Yes, and there’s a button labeled snooze!”

1 Thumbs Up (2,294 Thumbs Up!)

Email | Print | Facebook | MySpace | Twitter | Digg | Reddit | Stumble
Page 3 of 18«12345»...Last »

Copyright 2007-2009 NotAlwaysRight.com
About | Term of Use | Privacy Policy