IMEI Oh My

| UK | Extra Stupid, Technology

Customer: “My phone is completely dead. I can’t do anything with it”

Me: “Does it have a removable battery?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Can you please remove it as I need to check the IMEI number?”

Customer: “But that will disconnect the call.”

Needs To Do Some More Internet Exploring

| VA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(A customer calls in about not being able to access our website. While troubleshooting this exchange happens:)

Me: “Okay, ma’am, after you’re done clearing your browsing history can I get you to close out of your browser to refresh it.”

Customer: “Now this won’t kick you out will it?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m not sure I understand your question.”

Customer: “When I close off your website, will I lose my connection with you? Because I was on hold a really long time.”

Me: “So… you’re asking that if you close out of the site on your computer it will hang our phone call?”

Customer: “YES!”

Me: “Ma’am, I can absolutely guarantee you closing your browser will not hang up your phone.”

Customer: “Oh, thank goodness, because I really didn’t want to have to call back and be on hold again.”

Gives New Meaning To Troubleshooting

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Technology

(This is an old story. I am working Vista tech support right around the release, as a level 2 tech. This exchange happens right as the call is escalated.)

Me: “How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I’ve got my 22-gauge pointed at my desktop. Do you think that’s going to be a better solution than what you got?”

Me: “Uh…”

(The sad part is that he had to replace all the hardware, so the gun would have been a faster solution.)

Not A Well-Rounded Response

| Sweden | Crazy Requests

(I work as an HVAC tech, and am sent to a customer’s house to condemn his 25-year-old heat pump as ‘beyond repair.’ He phones up the dispatcher after receiving the bill.)

Customer: “So, I had a tech here a while ago and got the bill today and you’re billing me for a whole hour.”

Dispatcher: “Yes, that is our minimum fee for a call.”

Customer: “He was here fifteen minutes at most. I see no reason that I should pay for a whole hour!”

Dispatcher: “Well, fifteen minutes to drive from our company to your place, fifteen minutes there, fifteen minutes back. That makes forty-five minutes, and we round upwards so that’s still an hour.”

Customer: “What? That distance takes ten minutes, tops. I’ve driven between your company and here many times.”

Dispatcher: “So that’s still thirty-five minutes, and we still round upwards so that’s still an hour and our minimum fee is still for one hour.”

Customer: “That’s outrageous! When I had my own company I could never do that sort of thing.”

Dispatcher: “Well, you won’t get anywhere with me. I can transfer you to the owner if you like?”

Customer: “Yes, do exactly that!”

(The dispatcher puts him on hold, walks into the owner’s office, and gives him a quick run-down on the situation.)

Owner: “Hi, this is [Owner]. Is there some trouble?”

Customer: “Yeah, I had one of your techs at my house and it took him just fifteen minutes here and you’re billing me for a full hour!”

Owner: “Well, as [Dispatcher] told you our minimum fee is for one hour and we also round upwards to the nearest half hour, so the bill is completely correct.”

Customer: “That’s outrageous! I never did that when I had my company.”

Owner: “What kind of company did you have?”

Customer: “I was an estate agent.”

Owner: “An estate agent? The kind of person who drives around in brand new BMWs and Mercedes? Who bill you for just picking up the phone?”

Customer: “You’re the worst person I’ve spoken to in my entire life!” *click*

It’s Better Than Just Using ‘Password’

| Malvern, PA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(Working on an internal IT help desk, we have a customer who calls once to twice a week because he has forgotten his password to the network or custom programs.)

Customer: “My d*** computer is broken again!”

Coworker: “Okay, [Customer], are you having trouble getting into the computer or into a program?”

Customer: “I can’t do anything! I type in my password and the d*** thing won’t take it!”

Coworker: “Okay, I’ll reset your password.”

(I reset the password and leave it blank, as usual).

Coworker: “All right, I’ve reset your password. Go ahead and try to log in now.”

Customer: “What should I use for a password?”

Coworker: “No password.”

Customer: “Is there a space in that or is it all one word?”

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