Time To Close The Door On This One

| WA, Australia | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work in the IT Department for another company. Most of the support we do is over the phone but we occasionally have people drop their computer in for repair. My desk is next to a window which gives a clear view of the office parking lot from the first floor.)

Me: “IT Helpdesk. [My Name] speaking.”

Customer: “Hi, I need to drop my laptop off to be fixed. Can you come down and get it? I’m in the parking lot.”

Me: “Sure thing. I’m a bit busy right now but if you just leave it at reception, I’ll come down and grab it later.”

Customer: “Okay. How do I get into the building?”

(At this point I look out the window. I can see the customer on his phone standing in the parking lot. Directly behind him is the entrance to the building, with our company name on a sign above it.)

Me: “Through the front door?”

You Can See Where This Is Going

| Toronto, ON, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(A big part of my job involves helping users log on to the company website.)

Me: “Remember, the new password that you create must contain at least one letter and at least one number.”

Customer: *becoming irate* “What? One number? How am I supposed to remember that?”

Me: “I would suggest just choosing a word and then putting the number one at the end of it.”

Customer: “I’m never going to remember that! Can I use two numbers?”

Me: “Yes, as long as you have at least one number.”

Customer: “But, wait just a minute. I have another question. Can I use three numbers?”

Me: “…yes.”

Following Blind Orders

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work in internal computer support. One afternoon I get a call from an older gentleman.)

Me: “[Company] help desk. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Make the information available. Do it.”

Me: “What information do you need?”

Caller: “Just do it!”

Me: “I’m sorry; I need a little more context here. What are you calling about?”

Caller: “The email said to call you and make the information available so I am calling you!”

Me: “The information about what? What email are you referring to? What is the topic?”

Caller: “I have no idea. I was just following orders!” *hangs up*

De-Engineering Stereotypes

| San Francisco, CA, USA | Bigotry, Technology, Top

(I am an engineer working the tech support line. I should also add that I’m the only female engineer in a department of all male engineers. I answer a support call:)

Me: “Thank you for calling the engineering support line. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I need to talk to an engineer.”

Me: “Sure, what’s your question?”

Customer: “Well, I’d like to tell it to an engineer.”

Me: “No problem, what can I help you with?”

Customer: “No, you don’t understand. I want to speak directly to the engineer.”

Me: “Sir, I’m an engineer.”

Customer: “You are?!”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “But… you’re a girl!”

Me:  *in a Valley Girl voice* “‘Ohmygosh, I know! Isn’t that amazing?”

(Trans)Late To Understanding

| Virum, Denmark | Language & Words, Technology

(We run a tech support channel. Unlike traditional channels, we allow anybody and everybody to ask and receive answers. The popularity of the channel forced us to bring in a bot which tells the user to speak English in their own language if they are speaking a non-English language. The user is from Colombia.)

User: *in Spanish* “Hi, my game is broken. Can you help?”

Bot: *in Spanish* “This is an English-only channel. Try Google Translate if you need translations to English.”

User: *in German* “Hi, my game is broken. Can you help?”

Bot: *in German* “This is an English-only channel. Try Google Translate if you need translations to English.”

(The user disconnects.)

Another User: “I wonder which part of “this channel is English only” doesn’t he get?”

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