Should Stick To Interwebs Exploder

| Helsinki, Finland | Funny Names, Technology

Me: “So what browser you’re using?”

Caller: “I used to have Mozzarella, but now I’m using Wirevox.”

(I couldn’t resolve customer’s problem just over the phone, so I established a remote access connection to their computer. They used IE.)

When Crazy Requests Reach The Stratosphere

| Tulsa, OK, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work for a major satellite TV provider providing tech support when this customer calls in:)

Me: “Thank you for calling [TV provider]. My name is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, there’s nothing on my TV!”

Me: “When you say nothing is it a black screen?”

Customer: “No! It says searching for satellite signal. What is that?”

Me: “Oh, that means that for some reason either the dish isn’t picking up the signal from our satellite or else it isn’t getting from the dish to your receiver.”

Customer: “Well, then put a new satellite up there.”

Me: “Sir, I don’t believe that would—”

Customer: “You’re not paid to think, so just put a new satellite up.”

Me: “Sir, am I correct in hearing that you want us to launch a new satellite, knowing that such a process would take several months and cost millions of dollars?”

Customer: “Yes, but we both know it won’t take months. I want it done tonight, and it better not affect my bill.” *hangs up*

MS Word To The Wise

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

User: “Can you show me how to set up vacation email responses in Microsoft? I know there’s some way to set it up, but I can’t seem to do it myself. The guides say to go to ‘file,’ then ‘info,’ then ‘automatic replies,’ but there’s no such thing in my Microsoft!”

Me: “Well, let’s take a look…”

User: “See, I go to ‘file,’ then ‘info,’ but there’s no ‘automatic replies’ in my Microsoft.”

Me: “There you go, sir. All set.”

User: “Wow! There it is! How come ‘automatic replies’ shows up for you but it didn’t show up for me?”

Me: “Because you were trying to set up email replies in Microsoft Word…”

Laptop Flop, Part 8

| St. Paul, MN, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

Me: “…Okay, now, shut your computer all the way down and then restart.”

Caller: “I can’t.”

Me: “Why not?”

Caller: “I’m not on a laptop.”

(To clarify, when I said ‘shut down’ she thought I meant to close the lid of the laptop.)

Related:
Laptop Flop, Part 7
Laptop Flop, Part 6
Laptop Flop, Part 5

IMEI Oh My

| UK | Extra Stupid, Technology

Customer: “My phone is completely dead. I can’t do anything with it”

Me: “Does it have a removable battery?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Can you please remove it as I need to check the IMEI number?”

Customer: “But that will disconnect the call.”

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