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    Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 14

    | Greenville, SC, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Top

    (I work in computer technical support for an international electronics company. I am a soft spoken female technician with a ‘young’ sounding voice. As a result, I tend to have a hard time being taken seriously by certain customers.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [company]; my name is [name]. How may I help you today?”

    Customer: “Oh, I didn’t need customer service; I need technical support.”

    Me: “Yes sir, you’ve reached technical support. What product is it that I can help you with today?”

    Customer: “No, you don’t understand. I need a tech to help me with this issue. I’m sure you think you know what you’re doing, but if you’d like to put me on hold and transfer me to a male tech, I’d be happy to hold.”

    Me: “Unfortunately, I’m not allowed to transfer you back into our waiting queue. I assure you, sir, I’ll be able to help you with your issue if you can give me some information. If you’d prefer to speak with a male tech, you can disconnect the call and try again.”

    Customer: “No, no I don’t want to do that. Alright, fine, can you help me connect my printer to my wireless connection then?”

    Me: “Of course, I’d be happy to assist you with that today. Can you give me the model code on your printer so I can look that model up?”

    Customer: *gives model number*

    Me: “Does that model code have any letters at the end of it? Perhaps an ‘N’ or a ‘W’?”

    Customer: “Ma’am, I assure you; I know how to read a model code. There are no letters at the end of the code on this printer.”

    Me: “Alright, sir, I think I see the issue. It appears that this isn’t a wireless or networkable model. Our printer models designate network models with an ‘N’ at the end of the model code, and wireless models with a ‘W’. I can help you connect it to your computer through USB, but this model will not be able to be connected wirelessly or through a network.”

    Customer: ”Look, I’m not stupid! I know this is a wireless printer; and I want to connect it to my network! If you can’t tell me how to do that, then transfer me to a man who can!”

    Me: “Do you mind if we check a couple of things on that printer, sir, just to be sure? Can you look and see if there’s an ethernet port on the back of your printer? It’ll look like—”

    Customer: “I know what an ethernet port looks like; I’m an IT professional! I work with networks all day, and this printer does not have an ethernet port on it!”

    Me: “I understand, can you look for one more thing for me? Can you see if there’s a wireless light on the top of the printer? It would be marked as either wireless or with a symbol that looks like—”

    Customer: “No! There’s no wireless light on this printer! It doesn’t need a wireless light, it says right on the box that it’s wireless! Now can you help me connect it or not?”

    Me: “Sir, can you read me the part of the box that shows this is a wireless printer?”

    Customer: “It’s right here! It says: ‘Easy one step wireless setup available on models—’… Oh… I uh… does this mean I’m going to have to buy a new printer?”

    Related:
    Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 13
    Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 12
    Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 11

    Losing His Hold On Reality

    | Midlands, England, UK | Bizarre, Musical Mayhem, Technology

    Me: “Hello, [company name] support; how may I help you?”

    Customer: “You c****! I heard what you did; how dare you!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “You changed the f****** music!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir; I don’t understand the—”

    Customer: “The hold music!”

    Me: “I’m terribly sorry if it wasn’t to your liking, but you are through now. I’d like to help you fix your problem if we can just—”

    Customer: “I won’t stand for you insulting me like this! And you let everyone else hear it; that’s slander!

    Me: “Hear what?”

    Customer: “The insults about me you put in your hold music!”

    (The customer had been on hold for so long, he had come to believe the hold music was actually insulting him, and that someone at the company had slipped in taunts and abuse directed at him personally.)

    No Port For The Harbor

    | Port Charlotte, FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

    Customer: “I dropped my phone in the water while I was on the boat this weekend, and I want to retrieve my pictures off of it. Can you do that?”

    Me: “Sure we can.”

    (I wait to see phone.)

    Me: “Where is it?”

    Customer: “At the bottom of the harbor; you can still get my pictures, right?”

    Life Needs An Undo Button

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work at an online backup company. Our pricing is based on what storage amounts are used. You can get a free small account and upgrade to a paid account with more space later.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [name of business], this is [my name] speaking. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Yeah, hi, I needed to wipe my hard drive. I got a free account, but it wasn’t enough space. I paid to upgrade and then wiped my drive. Where is all my backed up stuff?!”

    Me: “When you upgraded the account, did you try to back up again so it would upload whatever didn’t fit before?”

    Caller: “No, it didn’t say I needed to do that! I just paid for the extra space this morning! You mean I lost all of my stuff?”

    Me: “Well, if you ran out of space, and then paid for more space, but didn’t back anything up, then all we’d have is what you backed up before.”

    Caller: “So, you’re basically saying I’m an idiot, then?”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Must Have An Ex-Wife

    | UT, USA | Language & Words

    (I am providing a customer a temporary password.)

    Me: “That is ‘X’, like X-ray.”

    Customer: “X-ray starts with an ‘E’. Didn’t you go to school?”

    Me: “X-ray starts with an ‘X’, sir.”

    Customer: “Fine, have it your way, then!”

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