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    Needs To Do Some More Internet Exploring

    | VA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (A customer calls in about not being able to access our website. While troubleshooting this exchange happens:)

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, after you’re done clearing your browsing history can I get you to close out of your browser to refresh it.”

    Customer: “Now this won’t kick you out will it?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I’m not sure I understand your question.”

    Customer: “When I close off your website, will I lose my connection with you? Because I was on hold a really long time.”

    Me: “So… you’re asking that if you close out of the site on your computer it will hang our phone call?”

    Customer: “YES!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I can absolutely guarantee you closing your browser will not hang up your phone.”

    Customer: “Oh, thank goodness, because I really didn’t want to have to call back and be on hold again.”

    Gives New Meaning To Troubleshooting

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Technology

    (This is an old story. I am working Vista tech support right around the release, as a level 2 tech. This exchange happens right as the call is escalated.)

    Me: “How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I’ve got my 22-gauge pointed at my desktop. Do you think that’s going to be a better solution than what you got?”

    Me: “Uh…”

    (The sad part is that he had to replace all the hardware, so the gun would have been a faster solution.)

    Not A Well-Rounded Response

    | Sweden | Crazy Requests

    (I work as an HVAC tech, and am sent to a customer’s house to condemn his 25-year-old heat pump as ‘beyond repair.’ He phones up the dispatcher after receiving the bill.)

    Customer: “So, I had a tech here a while ago and got the bill today and you’re billing me for a whole hour.”

    Dispatcher: “Yes, that is our minimum fee for a call.”

    Customer: “He was here fifteen minutes at most. I see no reason that I should pay for a whole hour!”

    Dispatcher: “Well, fifteen minutes to drive from our company to your place, fifteen minutes there, fifteen minutes back. That makes forty-five minutes, and we round upwards so that’s still an hour.”

    Customer: “What? That distance takes ten minutes, tops. I’ve driven between your company and here many times.”

    Dispatcher: “So that’s still thirty-five minutes, and we still round upwards so that’s still an hour and our minimum fee is still for one hour.”

    Customer: “That’s outrageous! When I had my own company I could never do that sort of thing.”

    Dispatcher: “Well, you won’t get anywhere with me. I can transfer you to the owner if you like?”

    Customer: “Yes, do exactly that!”

    (The dispatcher puts him on hold, walks into the owner’s office, and gives him a quick run-down on the situation.)

    Owner: “Hi, this is [Owner]. Is there some trouble?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I had one of your techs at my house and it took him just fifteen minutes here and you’re billing me for a full hour!”

    Owner: “Well, as [Dispatcher] told you our minimum fee is for one hour and we also round upwards to the nearest half hour, so the bill is completely correct.”

    Customer: “That’s outrageous! I never did that when I had my company.”

    Owner: “What kind of company did you have?”

    Customer: “I was an estate agent.”

    Owner: “An estate agent? The kind of person who drives around in brand new BMWs and Mercedes? Who bill you for just picking up the phone?”

    Customer: “You’re the worst person I’ve spoken to in my entire life!” *click*

    It’s Better Than Just Using ‘Password’

    | Malvern, PA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (Working on an internal IT help desk, we have a customer who calls once to twice a week because he has forgotten his password to the network or custom programs.)

    Customer: “My d*** computer is broken again!”

    Coworker: “Okay, [Customer], are you having trouble getting into the computer or into a program?”

    Customer: “I can’t do anything! I type in my password and the d*** thing won’t take it!”

    Coworker: “Okay, I’ll reset your password.”

    (I reset the password and leave it blank, as usual).

    Coworker: “All right, I’ve reset your password. Go ahead and try to log in now.”

    Customer: “What should I use for a password?”

    Coworker: “No password.”

    Customer: “Is there a space in that or is it all one word?”

    Time To Close The Door On This One

    | WA, Australia | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work in the IT Department for another company. Most of the support we do is over the phone but we occasionally have people drop their computer in for repair. My desk is next to a window which gives a clear view of the office parking lot from the first floor.)

    Me: “IT Helpdesk. [My Name] speaking.”

    Customer: “Hi, I need to drop my laptop off to be fixed. Can you come down and get it? I’m in the parking lot.”

    Me: “Sure thing. I’m a bit busy right now but if you just leave it at reception, I’ll come down and grab it later.”

    Customer: “Okay. How do I get into the building?”

    (At this point I look out the window. I can see the customer on his phone standing in the parking lot. Directly behind him is the entrance to the building, with our company name on a sign above it.)

    Me: “Through the front door?”

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