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    She Has ‘Trouble’ Written All Over Her

    | Atlanta, GA, USA |

    Customer: “Yeah, I want to see about getting a tattoo. Can you guys do that?”

    Me:  “Sure. Do you have something in particular in mind?”

    Customer:  “I don’t know? Something pretty?”

    Me: “Like a butterfly? A flower?”

    Customer: “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe a word or something? Something that means something?  Do you have a book of words and what they mean?”

    Me:  “You mean like…a dictionary?”

    Not Born Yesterday

    | Falkirk, Scotland, UK |

    (As a general rule, we refuse to tattoo anyone has had a baby in the last three months.)

    Me: “Okay, so you’re getting this name?” *spells it out to check correct spelling*

    Customer: “Yeah, can I get her date of birth underneath, too?”

    Me: “Sure, what is it?”

    Customer: “19th September.”

    Me: “Um, today is the 24th November.”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “So, your daughter isn’t 3 months old yet. We can’t tattoo you for another few weeks. We explained this when you arranged your appointment and you told us she’d be 3 months old.”

    Customer: “She’s 3 months old.”

    Me: “She can’t be, this is the 11th month. She was born in the 9th month. So she isn’t 3 months old.”

    Customer: “She’s 3 months old.”

    Me: “No, she’s 2 months old. She was born in September, so she’ll be 3 months in December.”

    Customer: “Wait. So she’s not 3 months old?”

    Me: “Not for another month.”

    Customer: “Oh.”

    It’s Not Like They’re Permanent Or Anything

    | Bristol, UK |

    (A walk in customer goes to sit in the tattoo chair, which is unusual before a consultation.)

    Me: “How are you today?”

    Customer: “Oh, a little nervous. This is my first tattoo.”

    Me: “There’s nothing to be afraid of. The process is generally more annoying than painful. What sort of design are we doing for you?”

    Customer: “Oh, I have to pick one?!”

    Hard Core Ambitions, Soft Core Realities

    | Helskini, Finland |

    Customer: “Hey, I want this tattoo on my arm.” *holds out a piece of paper*

    Me: “Okay, let me see…” *looks at the paper* “…are you sure this is right?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I’m sure. It’s hard core. You know, HC!”

    Me: “Yeah, but I’m not sure if this is right.”

    Customer: “Yeah, it’s right. You’re old, so you won’t get it!”

    Me: “Okay, so let me get this straight: you want this exact tattoo on your arm?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “You want your tattoo to say this?” *shows him his paper*

    Customer: “Yes!”

    (I ask him several more times to be sure, but he insists it’s right so I give him his tattoo: “HAR CORE” with the “D” conspicuously absent. After several days of showing how “hard core” he is to his friends, they convince him to come back and get it fixed; it now says “HC”.)

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