(For some reason I can’t access my voicemail. It rarely tells me I have any, and there are plenty of messaging options, which is pretty much always the first alternative if I don’t answer, so I never bother to get it fixed. The past few days, I’ve had at least two voicemails a day, which is extremely unusual. I go to my provider and ask about it. They don’t have an immediate solution. The next day, I answer my phone at my office, with my boss’s permission.)

Bank: “We’ve been trying to reach you, but you never answered and never called back. We left voicemails.”

Me: “Sorry, I can’t access my voicemail.”

Bank: “That’s not an excuse.”

Me: “I’m sorry? It is a technical issue.”

Bank: “Fix your voicemail, so you can get your messages properly.”

Me: “Sorry, but I never needed it before. People rarely attempt to use it, as there are other options. The number of voicemails you left the past few days is more than I’ve gotten in the past two years.”

Bank: “Not my problem. Maybe you need to give us another method of contact.”

Me: “I have my email listed. Use that if I don’t answer.”

Bank: “What about phone?”

Me: “This one.”

Bank: “But it doesn’t work.”

Me: “No, only the voicemail doesn’t work. I will answer if you call and I am available, but you have been calling while I’m at work.”

Bank: “Not my problem. Do you want to remove the mobile number or change it?”

Me: “No. It is my mobile.”

Bank: “But it’s not functional.”

Me: “Yes, it is. Only the voicemail doesn’t work, as I’ve said.”

Bank: “That’s not functional, then. We wouldn’t know that.”

(This bank has sent me emails before when I didn’t answer. I had to ask another bank representative who understood.)

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(Some of my friends are creating a board game, and they’ve asked if I could draw up their characters. I am not given a lot of physical characteristics, so I’m going by their background and storyline, as well as props they use, such as a sword. None of us are LGBT, but one character is a lesbian.)

Friend #1: “This is Sharon?”

Me: “Yeah. How do you like it? Anything you want to change?”

Friend #1: “She’s a lesbian.”

Me: “Okay. Do you want to show that, like by giving her a rainbow bracelet or something?”

Friend #1: “You can, but she still doesn’t look like a lesbian.”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Friend #2: “She means give her short hair or something.”

Me: “Lesbians have all kinds of hair lengths and styles.”

(I pull out the drawing for Ava, a warrior character, whom I’ve drawn with short hair, and less busty.)

Me: “You mean, like Ava?”

Friend #1: “That looks like a lesbian!”

Friend #2: “Yeah. Switch the hair around.”

Friend #1: “Actually, why don’t you just use this drawing for Sharon, and remove the sword.”

Me: “Um… All because of the hair?”

Friend #1: “And boobs. Big boobs attract men, so lesbians want to look flatter.”

Me: *long pause* “You have stupid, stereotypical ideas!”

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